Sons bday conflicts with husbands football- I’m stuck in middle

[Anonymous]

Do a family party one weekend and a friend/sleepover one another. We never combine the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- son is turning 13 (teenager) so kind of big bday to him. It’s a sleepover so Sunday’s won’t work. Also grandma was flying in- although won’t be inend of world if she misses the party. Husbands college is in next state and he goes to game to watchIt’s their homecoming. He hasn’t purchased tickets yet.
So moving it to last oct weekend or November has some issues too. Plus the other half of invites, including son, play travel b-ball which starts next weeek. So games could start shortly after which will be another challenge for free saturdays.
I told husband to go to game— grandmas here to help me. He can go and watch game- leave at halftime and be back for sleepver part. Will miss early Saturday bday stuff but home in time for cake and sleepover..
It’s a no win as he’s frustrated, son is upset we are arguing over date, and I’m stressed because I need to get invites out and bought the bubble soccer place.

This sounds like a reasonable plan. You can have a family celebration on Sunday evening after the sleepover friends have left. Take him out for a nice dinner with grandma and your husband.

[Anonymous]

Get a calendar. Write down the known conflicts, including those for DS's good friends (sports, etc). Hand calendar to DH and ask him to pick a date for the party.

[Anonymous]

The kids are 13. Dad can miss it. (And as someone with a DH who is a huge football fan, I can sympathize with your husband. It's not just about seeing the game, it's a social event.)

[Anonymous]

Your husband had plans (which you knew about) and you are dragging him home for his son's sleepover birthday party that isn't even on his birthday? Sorry, let him go to the game and manage the rugrats yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why, if you are old enough to have fathered a 13 year old, you can't be mature enough to deal with missing your alma mater's homecoming for a year.

I feel just the opposite. I don't think birthdays are a national holiday and I don't think as parents we have to give up everything g for our kids.

This is a situation where you can make everything work. Go out to dinner, do cake and presents on the birthday then pick a weekend for the party. No real need for both parents to be there but if that's what you want then find a mutually agreeable date. Mom hasn't even checked dates yet - just says it might not work because of sports schedule so Dad should do a date she wants. Another alternative is skip the sleepover and do it another time to give you more flexibility.

I hear you. But I think if your 13 year old is upset (which OP has said), Dad needs to get over it and skip Homecoming this year. If it were Dad's reunion or something else that also occurs infrequently, is feel differently. But OP said that Dad hadn't even bought tickets yet - so it can't be that high a priority.

[Anonymous]

I would send my DH to the game and host with grandma. Nothing wrong with any of that.

I'd have a special family dinner another day with Dad. Out so I don't have to cook it! And cleanup would be on DH and DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband had plans (which you knew about) and you are dragging him home for his son's sleepover birthday party that isn't even on his birthday? Sorry, let him go to the game and manage the rugrats yourself.

I agree with this. Neither of these events is super important, but one can be moved and the other can't. And what trumps it for me is that dad does this every year; it's a pre-existing conflict.

[Anonymous]

8:59 here -- it was really not OK of mom to schedule something when she must have known for a LONG time that weekend was for homecoming game. Plus, tickets are expensive! and I am sure he has long term plans with friends.

I would be pretty pissed actually if DH overscheduled me like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. But I think if your 13 year old is upset (which OP has said), Dad needs to get over it and skip Homecoming this year...

That's not what she said at all. OP said, "son is upset we are arguing over date." That's a little different from the kid being upset that his dad won't be home for his sleepover party with his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why, if you are old enough to have fathered a 13 year old, you can't be mature enough to deal with missing your alma mater's homecoming for a year.

I feel just the opposite. I don't think birthdays are a national holiday and I don't think as parents we have to give up everything g for our kids.

This is a situation where you can make everything work. Go out to dinner, do cake and presents on the birthday then pick a weekend for the party. No real need for both parents to be there but if that's what you want then find a mutually agreeable date. Mom hasn't even checked dates yet - just says it might not work because of sports schedule so Dad should do a date she wants. Another alternative is skip the sleepover and do it another time to give you more flexibility.

I hear you. But I think if your 13 year old is upset (which OP has said), Dad needs to get over it and skip Homecoming this year. If it were Dad's reunion or something else that also occurs infrequently, is feel differently. But OP said that Dad hadn't even bought tickets yet - so it can't be that high a priority.

The 13 year old is upset that his parents are bickering over this party. The kid wants his friends there but doesn't want to see his parents argue. Dad does not have to be in attendance at the kid portion of this birthday celebration. Let Dad go to watch his game, let the boy have his party with his friends and then do a family celebration either on the kid's bday or on Sunday night after the sleepover kids have left.

No need for all of this high drama.

[Anonymous]

I agree with any of the many suggestions that will allow dad to go to game and son to have his party. Move the party, dad misses some of it, etc. none of it has to be a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why, if you are old enough to have fathered a 13 year old, you can't be mature enough to deal with missing your alma mater's homecoming for a year.

+100

[Anonymous]

Why does your husband have to be at a 13 year old's birthday party? My son turned 10 this year, and barely spoke to either DH or I at this party with his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your husband have to be at a 13 year old's birthday party? My son turned 10 this year, and barely spoke to either DH or I at this party with his friends.

Exactly.