Is it tough for nova kids to make friends at Ivys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know there are strivers from all over the world at the Ivys, but I heard the largest, most social bunches are NE, NYC, California private school kids that sort of know each other going in, making it a challenge for unconnected random kids. My colleague's daughter went to Brown because she wanted to start fresh, but then transferred to UVA because she struggled to make good bonds. In retrospect she preferred knowing a lot of people on campus. Wondering if that's a common complaint.

UVA (and Georgetown) are the schools where rich ambitious white kids who could not make it to the ivies go. They tend to be even more elitist and preppy than the ivies, but without the talent to back it up. Would imagine it is harder to make friends there than the ivies.

No dog in this fight (i.e., double Ivy with no ties to UVA), but this is BS. I know of plenty of people who turn down Ivies - particularly Brown, Cornell and Penn - to attend UVA. Some are preppy, but many are not and all are smart.

[Anonymous]

It's a common complaint made in novels written by former Ivy Leaguers. So the perception that true middle class kids struggle a bit socially when surrounded by many with extreme wealth must have some basis in reality.

[Anonymous]

I'm a public high school midwestern kid that made the best friends of my life at an Ivy. They included New England prep school kids, other public/private school kids, a girl from Sidwell, etc. I'm also really shy.

In my experience, I saw people who were perfectly nice leave my Ivy after a year because they wanted a different environment, school personality, etc. I didn't see anyone leave because they couldn't make friends because people were exclusive - more that people didn't feel like the people they did meet were bosom buddies. I think that is probably more likely here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a common complaint made in novels written by former Ivy Leaguers. So the perception that true middle class kids struggle a bit socially when surrounded by many with extreme wealth must have some basis in reality.

Do you mean like F. Scott Fitzgerald?

Because now it's more like the kids from "extreme wealth" are surrounded by middle and upper middle class kids (and have to adjust to the fact that the latter typically work harder and are more ambitious than they are).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a common complaint made in novels written by former Ivy Leaguers. So the perception that true middle class kids struggle a bit socially when surrounded by many with extreme wealth must have some basis in reality.

Not necessarily an income thing, more-so a geographic & feeder school thing. I mean who's going to have the social advantage: A kid from a school that sends maybe 1-2 a year to Harvard or the kids that attend some Silicon Valley public or NE boarding school that sends dozens of kids every year while also running in circles with kids at other feeders? And there's also something to be said about the savviness of these kids from feeders -- they know how to hit the ground running, ex. join the competitive clubs and then run the clubs.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not. It's faux pas to talk about wealth and privilege openly at the Ivies and top colleges these days. It might be happening in closed circles, but the larger student body tends to be inclusive, with friends representing all sorts of interests, cultural backgrounds, and geographic regions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know there are strivers from all over the world at the Ivys, but I heard the largest, most social bunches are NE, NYC, California private school kids that sort of know each other going in, making it a challenge for unconnected random kids. My colleague's daughter went to Brown because she wanted to start fresh, but then transferred to UVA because she struggled to make good bonds. In retrospect she preferred knowing a lot of people on campus. Wondering if that's a common complaint.

UVA (and Georgetown) are the schools where rich ambitious white kids who could not make it to the ivies go. They tend to be even more elitist and preppy than the ivies, but without the talent to back it up. Would imagine it is harder to make friends there than the ivies.

No dog in this fight (i.e., double Ivy with no ties to UVA), but this is BS. I know of plenty of people who turn down Ivies - particularly Brown, Cornell and Penn - to attend UVA. Some are preppy, but many are not and all are smart.

According to Parchment:

82% students choose Brown, vs 18% UVA
77% choose University of Pennsylvania 77%, vs. 23% UVA
73% choose Cornell vs UVA 27%

[Anonymous]

NoVA kids who go to UVA have been told their whole life that they're special, gifted and special. UVA is more of the same. The Ivy's are a social adjustment beyond what most NoVa kids could anticipate.

[Anonymous]

I've heard the expression "so and so run the school." If you enter an exclusive small college with a circle of friends, tons of confidence & the savvy to take advantage of your environment you probably are "running" the school, which would feel awkward & intimidating to those not on your level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Nova kids at UVA and GTOWN don't really need to make new friends, as they know dozens if not hundreds the second they step on campus. Where as at a small Ivy they may not know anyone.

Hundreds? What high school is sending hundreds of kids to UVA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a common complaint made in novels written by former Ivy Leaguers. So the perception that true middle class kids struggle a bit socially when surrounded by many with extreme wealth must have some basis in reality.

Not necessarily an income thing, more-so a geographic & feeder school thing. I mean who's going to have the social advantage: A kid from a school that sends maybe 1-2 a year to Harvard or the kids that attend some Silicon Valley public or NE boarding school that sends dozens of kids every year while also running in circles with kids at other feeders? And there's also something to be said about the savviness of these kids from feeders -- they know how to hit the ground running, ex. join the competitive clubs and then run the clubs.

What are the competitive clubs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Nova kids at UVA and GTOWN don't really need to make new friends, as they know dozens if not hundreds the second they step on campus. Where as at a small Ivy they may not know anyone.

Hundreds? What high school is sending hundreds of kids to UVA?

'17s know 15s and 16s and 18s = hundreds of students

[Anonymous]

You don't have to go to the same HS to know each other. They might have met on their travel soccer team, their middle school robotics club and/or at horseback riding or theater camp.

"Hundreds? What high school is sending hundreds of kids to UVA?"

[Anonymous]

Figure 50-75 a year at the best nova high schools get into UVA, plus the kids old and younger than you. Plus local kids you know from sports, clubs, church, family connections. Easy to get to UVA and know a few hundred faces.

versus getting to an Ivy and loosely knowing maybe 1-3 kids.

Big difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Figure 50-75 a year at the best nova high schools get into UVA, plus the kids old and younger than you. Plus local kids you know from sports, clubs, church, family connections. Easy to get to UVA and know a few hundred faces.

versus getting to an Ivy and loosely knowing maybe 1-3 kids.

Big difference.

I went to an Ivy from a private school (the only kid from my class at that particular Ivy for that particular year, maybe a max of 10 from my school were at the Ivy at any given time and we averaged 75 kids a year). That aside, was it strange and scaring going to a college where I didn't know anyone? Sure. And I coped.

Every college is going to have incoming freshmen who struggle to settle in. Sometimes it's personality (shy, reticent), sometimes it's sheer bad luck (placed into a dorm where, for some reason, person has nothing in common with the rest of the floor and can't make friends). And each year there are students who transfer to other schools for a fresh start.

Coming from NOVA, which in the eyes of the rest of the country is already a privileged area that sends hundreds of students to the Ivies each year, is no different than coming from anywhere else in the US (substitute affluent suburb of X city for NOVA).

When articles talk about "middle class" kids struggling to fit in at the Ivies they're really talking about lower middle class kids from anonymous places or small towns where very few people go to the Ivies, let alone the flagship state university. NOVA does not fit in this category.