Adjusting inlaws schedules to baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were more flexible. But thing I hear from you, OP, is that the world should revolve around you and the baby. I actually think that outside of DCUM you are a minority in not deviating from your routine. Maybe if you offered to compromise you could be more included.

Nope, we're talking about a BABY here, not a toddler/child who is only napping once a day and whose schedule can be more flexible.

Want to eat with your grandson? When he's a BABY, you will be eating at about 7/7:30. Want to eat dinner with a BABY? You will be eating dinner at about 6:30 p.m.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were more flexible. But thing I hear from you, OP, is that the world should revolve around you and the baby. I actually think that outside of DCUM you are a minority in not deviating from your routine. Maybe if you offered to compromise you could be more included.

Oh please. You're welcome to suffer the consequences or straying from the schedule. I'll let you run after my toddler for two hours between 9-11pm because you thought moving dinner later was ok, you can also wake up with him at 5 for the rest of the week. Yes, this happens if we mess with his schedule even a little.

[Anonymous]

This is why they invented hotels. You join the family when it works for you.

My mom is the queen of regimentation, but even she understood that we feed the kids at different times when they're small and that if we were going out to eat dinner, it was the early-bird special. For at-home grownup dinner, the kids got fed earlier and the grownups ate later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were more flexible. But thing I hear from you, OP, is that the world should revolve around you and the baby. I actually think that outside of DCUM you are a minority in not deviating from your routine. Maybe if you offered to compromise you could be more included.

Op here. Truly it's not time my schedule. It's the baby's. I have one at just loves to sleep at set times. Like I said, brunch at 11 would have worked.

Oh and making myself and baby food at someone's house is no fun. I too want to go out to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why they invented hotels. You join the family when it works for you.

My mom is the queen of regimentation, but even she understood that we feed the kids at different times when they're small and that if we were going out to eat dinner, it was the early-bird special. For at-home grownup dinner, the kids got fed earlier and the grownups ate later.

Op here. I'd love to eat at home when the baby is in bed. Except they are going out to eat when the baby is in bed.

[Anonymous]

OP your husband needs to navigate this for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws love my baby and are nice people, but my MIL and my SILs control everything we do while there. Dh doesn't get a say even. All this was fine prekids. Now my kid wakes up at 7, is starving so Dh and I eat breakfast with him. No one else wakes until 9am, they're a little upset we didn't wait to eat. Ds goes down for a nap 9:30-11 and they go to brunch at 10. Because they eat so late they don't eat lunch, which obviously ds eats. They want dinner at 7pm while ds is asleep for the night. So everyone goes out while I stay home and this happens 2x a day.

They aren't adjusting their schedules to ds's but I'm sick of missing out on everything. Would it hurt them to eat breakfast at 8, lunch at noon and dinner at 5? They asked why he needs 2 naps and if he can stay up later since we're visiting (like I'm a bad mom for letting my kid sleep on time). Dh has offered to cook at home, but they want to go out to eat when they have guests instead of eating at home.

When you say everyone goes out for dinner, do you mean your DH also ditches you?????

[Anonymous]

You're visiting them? Then really you should be the one adapting to their schedule, not the other way around. You sound like an ungracious guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were more flexible. But thing I hear from you, OP, is that the world should revolve around you and the baby. I actually think that outside of DCUM you are a minority in not deviating from your routine. Maybe if you offered to compromise you could be more included.

Op here. Truly it's not time my schedule. It's the baby's. I have one at just loves to sleep at set times. Like I said, brunch at 11 would have worked.

Oh and making myself and baby food at someone's house is no fun. I too want to go out to eat.

You sound like a brat, OP. You're visiting someone you can't expect them to change their schedule around you and the baby. Ask your DH to bring you leftovers, ask him to suggest to his parents that they eat at home while you and he go out. This is your DH's fault, not everyone else's fault. He needs to stand up for you a little and you need to learn to be more flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're visiting them? Then really you should be the one adapting to their schedule, not the other way around. You sound like an ungracious guest.

Now you are just ridiculous.

This is likely a grandbaby visit at the request of a grandparent. Any grandparent who expects a visiting BABY to adjust to their schedule, with no flexibility on their own part, is not only a terrible host, they are a pretty lousy grandparent.

The end.

[Anonymous]

As with every in-law problem, this is really a spouse problem. You AND DH need to stay on the baby's schedule. If they go out to eat during nap times then you two take turns joining them or you BOTH stay in and order delivery. As someone pointed out upthread, the current system includes them getting to see the baby briefly during his most cheerful hours and getting to spend lots of time with their brother/son and not having to change anything. If brother/son is unavailable for brunch before 11, I suspect they would be more flexible.

[Anonymous]

There needs to be some flexibility on both parts, and your DH needs to stand up for his child and talk to his family. He should also not be abandoning you to go eat with his parents for every meal! I would be upset about that.

My parents are divorced and it's two totally separate experiences. When we visit my mom and her family, they completely adapt to our schedule. She wants to wake up early to play with the kids and cook them breakfast at 7am (while I sleep in!) and go on outings with us. My dad and his family are totally different. They would never wake up early, and also eat a late breakfast and a very late dinner. They want us to bring the kids, but won't adjust their schedule. We keep the kids more or less on their resale schedule. So we do our own thing and see them a little here and there. Guess who we visit more often?? Now that the kids are older, they have a much closer relationship with my mom and my ILs than my dad.

Can your DH talk to them about this? Maybe one of the days they could have some cereal when they get up and you can all go out to lunch at noon when the baby is up from his nap. 5pm dinner is pretty tough for adults, but he could suggest that you all eat dinner at home one night, you can feed the baby at 5 and then you and DH eat when he is in bed. You can do what you can to adjust the baby's sleep schedule a little here or there. My son was a total mess when he was overtired and off his schedule, may daughter was/is generally ok if she missed a nap or was up late.

The baby stage passes quickly, but toddles still need a nap and my 5yo wakes up at 6:30 and needs breakfast soon after. If you don't work out some kind of arrangement now, it's going to be a looong haul. Fewer trips to go see them.

[Anonymous]

You're doing the right thing sticking to the babys schedule. Be grateful your baby's in a good schedule and do not deviate from his schedule to accommodate the in-laws. Babys sleep is very important and even a few days of a disrupted schedule can lead to long term sleep problems for a young baby (I learned this the hard way with my second child). In a few years when your kids schedule is more flexible, visits will be more enjoyable. For now, it's just the way it goes when you have a baby! If the inlaws can't understand that, too bad. Be kind but firm in sticking to what's best for your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're visiting them? Then really you should be the one adapting to their schedule, not the other way around. You sound like an ungracious guest.

And you sound like an idiot. Did you even read the OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Good to know I'm the unreasonable one. God I hate being an inlaw

You are unreasonable. In your house then you may ask guests if they want to get up at 7 as so they can have the extraordinarily unparalleled pleasure of having breakfast with you and your kid. Such Joy watching an infant eat! In my house, however, you do not get to tell me that I will be on your schedule. Get up and feed your kid and shut up about other people getting up when they feel like getting up. Personally, if I were your MIL, I would pay for a hotel for you.