Adjusting inlaws schedules to baby

[Anonymous]

My inlaws love my baby and are nice people, but my MIL and my SILs control everything we do while there. Dh doesn't get a say even. All this was fine prekids. Now my kid wakes up at 7, is starving so Dh and I eat breakfast with him. No one else wakes until 9am, they're a little upset we didn't wait to eat. Ds goes down for a nap 9:30-11 and they go to brunch at 10. Because they eat so late they don't eat lunch, which obviously ds eats. They want dinner at 7pm while ds is asleep for the night. So everyone goes out while I stay home and this happens 2x a day.

They aren't adjusting their schedules to ds's but I'm sick of missing out on everything. Would it hurt them to eat breakfast at 8, lunch at noon and dinner at 5? They asked why he needs 2 naps and if he can stay up later since we're visiting (like I'm a bad mom for letting my kid sleep on time). Dh has offered to cook at home, but they want to go out to eat when they have guests instead of eating at home.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I'm sure it will be easier in a few years. I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to eat on a baby's schedule, nor should they expect the baby's schedule to change for them.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. Just stick to your schedule and reduce your visits. In a few years it will be easier to be more flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm sure it will be easier in a few years. I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to eat on a baby's schedule, nor should they expect the baby's schedule to change for them.

It's wholly unreasonable for them not to realize a baby needs to eat and sleep regularly. No, they don't have to wake up at 7, but they should make some effort to accomodate and not complain!

[Anonymous]

"Jamie's schedule is as follows, if you are interested in syncing up with his meals and play times. We look forward to this relaxing in a few years, but he's very young now, and this is our routine. And, of course, please do what you need to do when you need to do it. Thanks for understanding!"

[Anonymous]

No--you're right to stick to your schedule. I'm sorry that they're not moving theirs around. I guess that shows their true priorities. It stinks. It does get easier when the kids are older and you don't pay for it for a week if you mess up their schedule.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Good to know I'm the unreasonable one. God I hate being an inlaw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Good to know I'm the unreasonable one. God I hate being an inlaw

Btw the baby is actually really good in restaurants.

[Anonymous]

We did this a little differently. When we were visiting relatives when we had little ones, we figured out the day before what the next day's anticipated schedule was. In our case, OP, we would have fed our kids a half-breakfast at 7, gone to brunch at 10 and then had a later nap. Then a late lunch/early dinner at 2 or 3, nap at 4, wake up by 6 and dinner at 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this a little differently. When we were visiting relatives when we had little ones, we figured out the day before what the next day's anticipated schedule was. In our case, OP, we would have fed our kids a half-breakfast at 7, gone to brunch at 10 and then had a later nap. Then a late lunch/early dinner at 2 or 3, nap at 4, wake up by 6 and dinner at 7.

Op here. I wish I could do that. He normally sleeps 9:30-11 so would be a mess at brunch at 10. He could have made brunch at 11 easily though.

[Anonymous]

Does your dh go out to every meal with them? Maybe they are happy they get him to themselves. I would have dh sit out a few of those meals - "sorry but I am choosing to eat with my immediate family" and see if that encourages working around the schedule. Because really, you're not giving them a reason they need to work around you.
That is pretty shitty.

[Anonymous]

We were more flexible. But thing I hear from you, OP, is that the world should revolve around you and the baby. I actually think that outside of DCUM you are a minority in not deviating from your routine. Maybe if you offered to compromise you could be more included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were more flexible. But thing I hear from you, OP, is that the world should revolve around you and the baby. I actually think that outside of DCUM you are a minority in not deviating from your routine. Maybe if you offered to compromise you could be more included.

Oh, please. Almost universally, babies and small children wake on the earlier side and eat soon after they get up. This is typically waking anywhere from 6-7:30 and eating between 6:15-7:45.

Adults getting put out because others ate before they arise at ***9 AM*** are completely unreasonable.

Now, if MIL had said, "Breakfast will be served at 7:30," it would be reasonable for OP and her husband to feed the baby a little bit and quietly entertain him until sitting down to full breakfast with the entire family at 7:30. But 9 a.m.? Yeah, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this a little differently. When we were visiting relatives when we had little ones, we figured out the day before what the next day's anticipated schedule was. In our case, OP, we would have fed our kids a half-breakfast at 7, gone to brunch at 10 and then had a later nap. Then a late lunch/early dinner at 2 or 3, nap at 4, wake up by 6 and dinner at 7.

That might work with an older child on 1 nap but harder for a baby still napping twice a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were more flexible. But thing I hear from you, OP, is that the world should revolve around you and the baby. I actually think that outside of DCUM you are a minority in not deviating from your routine. Maybe if you offered to compromise you could be more included.

Oh, please. Almost universally, babies and small children wake on the earlier side and eat soon after they get up. This is typically waking anywhere from 6-7:30 and eating between 6:15-7:45.

Adults getting put out because others ate before they arise at ***9 AM*** are completely unreasonable.

Now, if MIL had said, "Breakfast will be served at 7:30," it would be reasonable for OP and her husband to feed the baby a little bit and quietly entertain him until sitting down to full breakfast with the entire family at 7:30. But 9 a.m.? Yeah, no.

exactly. and doing a brunch at 11:30 also sounds like it would work.