Adjusting inlaws schedules to baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why they invented hotels. You join the family when it works for you.

My mom is the queen of regimentation, but even she understood that we feed the kids at different times when they're small and that if we were going out to eat dinner, it was the early-bird special. For at-home grownup dinner, the kids got fed earlier and the grownups ate later.

Op here. I'd love to eat at home when the baby is in bed. Except they are going out to eat when the baby is in bed.

Then you cook, order in, or bring the kid along and take a separate car so you can leave first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Good to know I'm the unreasonable one. God I hate being an inlaw

You are unreasonable. In your house then you may ask guests if they want to get up at 7 as so they can have the extraordinarily unparalleled pleasure of having breakfast with you and your kid. Such Joy watching an infant eat! In my house, however, you do not get to tell me that I will be on your schedule. Get up and feed your kid and shut up about other people getting up when they feel like getting up. Personally, if I were your MIL, I would pay for a hotel for you.

Reading comprehension. Look into it.

ILs are the one making a stink that baby already ate at 7 instead of waiting for breakfast at 9, dummy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did this a little differently. When we were visiting relatives when we had little ones, we figured out the day before what the next day's anticipated schedule was. In our case, OP, we would have fed our kids a half-breakfast at 7, gone to brunch at 10 and then had a later nap. Then a late lunch/early dinner at 2 or 3, nap at 4, wake up by 6 and dinner at 7.

Op here. I wish I could do that. He normally sleeps 9:30-11 so would be a mess at brunch at 10. He could have made brunch at 11 easily though.

So...did you suggest that? Or why couldn't you wave them on ahead and then when he woke up drive there yourself with him? As for dinner, give a snack at 5 then go to dinner and head out as soon as the child starts to act up. My point is that you have some options, so use them. I think you need to bend a little to get a little bend in return and you sound like you've got a little touch of martyr-ism. But that's just my opinion as a mom of five.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I'm in the minority but maybe you should adjust your baby. That's what I do when I'm on vacation and we have family all over the world.

[Anonymous]

I could not visit with a MIL and SIL who control every aspect of my family's visit. And your husband isn't allowed input. I would insist on a hotel or not visit them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Good to know I'm the unreasonable one. God I hate being an inlaw

Not sure if you're being sarcastic, but it is unreasonable for you to expect adults to change their schedules for a baby.

[Anonymous]

And so what if they're upset you and DH and baby already ate?

The bigger issue is that they want to control all aspects of your visit. I agree with other PP's that advise to stay in a hotel going forward. Or just wait to visit until baby is older, but I doubt that will change things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Good to know I'm the unreasonable one. God I hate being an inlaw

You are unreasonable. In your house then you may ask guests if they want to get up at 7 as so they can have the extraordinarily unparalleled pleasure of having breakfast with you and your kid. Such Joy watching an infant eat! In my house, however, you do not get to tell me that I will be on your schedule. Get up and feed your kid and shut up about other people getting up when they feel like getting up. Personally, if I were your MIL, I would pay for a hotel for you.

The op isn't asking the in laws to switch their schedule. Hence why she's always eating alone. She's venting that they are annoyed that she doesn't wait 2 hours after her baby wakes up to feed him!

I would see this as a unique experience that will change as baby gets older. For now--enjoy the quiet time while they're out and watch Netflix or read a good book.

[Anonymous]

How long is the visit? One or two days, I might deviate from the schedule for dinner, but if they're staying with you and aren't willing to meet you halfway, that sucks.

You can't help what time the baby gets up in the morning. But otherwise, being super rigid with the schedule causes resentment.

Get a sitter, go out with them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Good to know I'm the unreasonable one. God I hate being an inlaw

You are unreasonable. In your house then you may ask guests if they want to get up at 7 as so they can have the extraordinarily unparalleled pleasure of having breakfast with you and your kid. Such Joy watching an infant eat! In my house, however, you do not get to tell me that I will be on your schedule. Get up and feed your kid and shut up about other people getting up when they feel like getting up. Personally, if I were your MIL, I would pay for a hotel for you.

The op isn't asking the in laws to switch their schedule. Hence why she's always eating alone. She's venting that they are annoyed that she doesn't wait 2 hours after her baby wakes up to feed him!

I would see this as a unique experience that will change as baby gets older. For now--enjoy the quiet time while they're out and watch Netflix or read a good book.

No, she's not eating alone, she's eating with her husband and child.

Usually, one would feed the child, and then wait and eat with in laws. That would be polite. Or have a bite with the child, and not mention it to inlaws. But her insisting that she has to eat breakfast at 7:00 is odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm in the minority but maybe you should adjust your baby. That's what I do when I'm on vacation and we have family all over the world.

That's not how you teach your kid, from the start, that he's the center of the universes, and his quirks take precedence over everyone else's especially the elderly.

There's an art form to raising white babies.

"Quirks"? An infant's sleeping and eating are "quirks" to you? If you ever had an infant of your own, I pity that baby who had to eat and sleep as you dictated.

OP, hotels. And DH sticks with you and explains to his parents that while they can eat breakfast at nine, HE will be up with baby having breakfast at 7 while his wife sleeps in for once....Basically it's his role to tell his parents that being annoyed about their grandchild's being a normal infant is not acceptable. If he won't do that he's part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

The good news OP is that this is temporary. It will pass sooner than you think.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is unreasonable to expect them to rotate their meals around the baby.

They shouldn't have to wake up before they want to to eat with the baby. And dinner at 5 is super early - that's crazy.

Now they also should be fine with you feeding the baby when you want. But don't force them to eat on a baby's schedule. The family should not rotate around your baby. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Good to know I'm the unreasonable one. God I hate being an inlaw

You are unreasonable. In your house then you may ask guests if they want to get up at 7 as so they can have the extraordinarily unparalleled pleasure of having breakfast with you and your kid. Such Joy watching an infant eat! In my house, however, you do not get to tell me that I will be on your schedule. Get up and feed your kid and shut up about other people getting up when they feel like getting up. Personally, if I were your MIL, I would pay for a hotel for you.

The op isn't asking the in laws to switch their schedule. Hence why she's always eating alone. She's venting that they are annoyed that she doesn't wait 2 hours after her baby wakes up to feed him!

I would see this as a unique experience that will change as baby gets older. For now--enjoy the quiet time while they're out and watch Netflix or read a good book.

Wrong - reread the ops post. She explicitly asks - is it unreasonable of them to ask them to eat breakfast at eight, lunch at noon, and dinner at five.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were more flexible. But thing I hear from you, OP, is that the world should revolve around you and the baby. I actually think that outside of DCUM you are a minority in not deviating from your routine. Maybe if you offered to compromise you could be more included.

Op here. Truly it's not time my schedule. It's the baby's. I have one at just loves to sleep at set times. Like I said, brunch at 11 would have worked.

Oh and making myself and baby food at someone's house is no fun. I too want to go out to eat.

Really, you are making excuses. This isn't about feeding your baby. Feed your baby when your baby needs to eat. But you can wait to eat and go to brunch or dinner. Babies and toddlers are portable. You can take them along when they are asleep.

It's fine if you don't want to. But then you just have to accept being left out. And I know DCUM is filled with people who believe that the babies schedule rules everything, but in real life that's not what I see. If you have more kids, you will have no choice but to make adjustments unless you plan to pay people to watch your sleeping baby or older kids.