Why don't people reciprocate these days?

[Anonymous]

I think people don't reciprocate for reasons that are more about them than reasons about you. Like ... because of lack of experience they are intimidated, or they think their house is too small, or they think their house isn't well-decorated enough, or they think no one will come, etc. At this point, I have resigned myself to being the host house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people don't reciprocate for reasons that are more about them than reasons about you. Like ... because of lack of experience they are intimidated, or they think their house is too small, or they think their house isn't well-decorated enough, or they think no one will come, etc. At this point, I have resigned myself to being the host house.

OP here. I understand these concerns about why people might not want to host. But that shouldn't prevent them from inviting us to a restaurant, or a park, or to do a day trip or something. But they should at least try to reciprocate in some way for the nice family dinners/holidays we host at our house. After all, it's expensive to host. Even when I just host one or two families I'm usually spending about $100 extra in grocery bills to make a nice meal, appetizers, dessert, etc. for a large group.

[Anonymous]

I have two dogs that are rather playful and jumpy.
In training with them now. They howl if I put them
out alone. For now I only invite people who I know don't mind our dogs. All others I invite to outings
Parks,pools,puppet shows anything I can find fun in the community and pack a picnic or fun snacks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our house is really small and we have no backyard. We go to other people's houses, but we try to compensate by bringing more, i.e. side dish, dessert and a nice wine or 6-pack. I'll also take the kids out for a movie or a playground. and we'll do picking up favors.

Nobody cares that your house is small, just invite over fewer friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may not realize it's important to you, or just think you like hosting. I have a friend who has a huge gorgeous house and she hosts everything. I know she doesn't care about reciprocating because when I've invited her to group dinners/ events at my house on a couple of different occasions she reached out to me to ask if she can host the event at her house, and then moved the entire party to her place. If you host as often as you say your friends may just think that's your thing and you would rather host than attend.

What? I don't even understand this. Like you invite people over and she says, "let's move everything to my house."? How rude.

[Anonymous]

I am an introvert, I get really anxious and nerves about waiting for people to show up (not enough food, house is a mess)! We don't get invited much which is understandable, so OP, it is ok not to invite the ones that don't reciprocate!

[Anonymous]

I think it is really this area. We have hosted many parties but I'm burned out on hosting. My neighbor even had the nerve to call me to we consider hosting our annual Halloween party. So rude.

Now the kids are teenagers it's not really a problem we just hang out with a couple couples and meet up for dinner or do small casual things.

[Anonymous]

I love hosting people, but at this time I have a very demanding job, a small house and kids in high school. When I worked for government, we hosted almost every weekend. We also used to live in the large house, so space was not an issue. Now, one day of the weekend I spend with my kids, clean, do grocery. And I need one day to completely relax. I usually go for run, go to yoga or bar class, don't wash my hair that day. Read my book, go for manicure/pedicure/massage, etc. If I squeeze an occasional party into my weekend, I feel too tired on Monday. Hosting a party for me means I have to spend around 1 hour for planning, 2-3 hours grocery shopping (for the party, I have to make few stops in the different stores), cooking, and cleaning after the party. It is way too much for me these days, so please, don't take it personally if I don't reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Lack of time, can't or won't cook, too self involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert, I get really anxious and nerves about waiting for people to show up (not enough food, house is a mess)! We don't get invited much which is understandable, so OP, it is ok not to invite the ones that don't reciprocate!

Same here. In fact, Id rather not accept your invite at all, but it gets hard repeatedly turning you down. Don't do anything in life tit for tat. Zero expectations is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They may not realize it's important to you, or just think you like hosting. I have a friend who has a huge gorgeous house and she hosts everything. I know she doesn't care about reciprocating because when I've invited her to group dinners/ events at my house on a couple of different occasions she reached out to me to ask if she can host the event at her house, and then moved the entire party to her place. If you host as often as you say your friends may just think that's your thing and you would rather host than attend.

What? I don't even understand this. Like you invite people over and she says, "let's move everything to my house."? How rude.

No kidding. What a piece of work! If I was that poster I would be mad at the bigger house friend. Can't let anyone else steal her thunder. So rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not comfortable inviting people over.

Do you go to other people's houses?

Not much. I reciprocate if I go to their house but if it's just my kid having a playdate at their house, then I don't usually reciprocate because I don't like playdates in my house.

[Anonymous]

Parents of young children are busy and overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for this thread because it just made me realize that I have not been reciprocating at all lately and I feel awful about that now that I think of it! (i'm not being sarcastic at all)

I fully admit I have lived behind excuse after excuse ever since our second baby was born 6 months ago. I know during the newborn phase I probably got a pass as no one expects you to do anything during that phase but I definitely could've been inviting people over the past few months and I just haven't...I like to see people but hosting is just too overwhelming. But I see now that I should have at least been inviting people to meet us at a park or at the zoo or something even if I wasn't ready to host at our house.

I hope it's not too late to redeem myself

[Anonymous]

Our house is too small for ally of people.