How to handle, son with black friends that use the 'n word'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an African American mom. My opinion is by no means monolithic, but my kids preteen to young adult and the kids of my family and friends don't use that word on social media. I can't say they never utter it at all, but they seem to pretty quickly hop on people who do, so I suspect they don't use it. My stepson actually wrote a paper about the word being unacceptable outside of historical contexts. I don't know any middle class AA families where casual use of the n word by youths or adults is acceptable.

I don't think there's a nice use of the word.

I wouldn't soften its use for my son in your shoes or argue that it's okay to like a post that uses it.

I think it goes beyond a white person not just appropriating the word. There is something problematic for me in his comfort in his friends using it.

Thank you for establishing that blacks are not a monolith and while black people share the same scarred history and share the same sympathies with regard to the horrors of slavery, black people still are individuals above all else with individual familiarities with their own individual environments and individual perspectives from their own individual experiences.

So having said that, I am of the opinion that when it comes to the n-word, I'm not going to order black people how to interpret it or confine black people in how they're allowed to use it. Black people aren't servants to be told what to think or slaves to be shackled and held against their will anymore. There were many black people who fought tooth and nail and many who fight to this day to eliminate that word from existence and I respect their fight. But there are just as many black people who opted to embrace that word to eliminate its sting and redefined that word rather than wait for it to die out and as respect their stance as well. I'm not going to disrespect either faction.
Black people have endured too much for too long for that one simple thing - respect.

Calm down
No one is telling black folk what to do
There are things you can tell kids that you don't want to hear!!
These are kids not 25 yr old men.
You can tell kids there are things you don't want said in your presence , your house or plastered under your kid's pic on social media .
So thanks for respecting that ??
AA Parent

I worry about butting into a teenagers relationship and ruining what I think are good friends for him. If I bring this up with the kids' parents, they'll probably say something to their sons about taking the caption or pic down but my fear is then they'll slowly drift away from my son because they might feel like 'oh we can't be ourselves around larlo' etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it. Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not.

This is spot on.

Are there any words that white people can sling around with abandon yet black people are forbidden to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it. Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not.

This is spot on.

Are there any words that white people can sling around with abandon yet black people are forbidden to say?

No

[Anonymous]

I'm the mother of a teen with an Instagram account and I do not think anyone will think your kid issues inappropriate language because of a hashtag someone else wrote. You are over thinking this part of it.

The important thing is your child has good friends and he knows how to treat them with respect regarding this word. I can't speak to how AA parents raise their kids, clearly there are several schools of thought and ultimately as a white parent your response is simple. the consensus is your child can't say it. Your job is to make sure he doesn't.

If all you're worried about here is what will other people's moms, dads, or future employers think of your kids' friends' hashtags, then you can sleep soundly tonight.

[Anonymous]

Keep your kid away from them. They're trashy. They have nothing to offer your child by association with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it. Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not.

This is spot on.

Are there any words that white people can sling around with abandon yet black people are forbidden to say?

No

And why is that, exactly?

[Anonymous]

OP DO NOT TOUCH THIS WITH A 100 ft pole! You can talk to your kid but do not talk to the friends or their parents. You can say they can't say the word in your house or car but otherwise just back way, way off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mother of a teen with an Instagram account and I do not think anyone will think your kid issues inappropriate language because of a hashtag someone else wrote. You are over thinking this part of it.

The important thing is your child has good friends and he knows how to treat them with respect regarding this word. I can't speak to how AA parents raise their kids, clearly there are several schools of thought and ultimately as a white parent your response is simple. the consensus is your child can't say it. Your job is to make sure he doesn't.

If all you're worried about here is what will other people's moms, dads, or future employers think of your kids' friends' hashtags, then you can sleep soundly tonight.

+1. No one's going to come for your kid over a silly hashtag that he didn't write, OP.

Your son should know he shouldn't use that word, but other than that, don't worry too much about it.

I used that the n****a word as a teen too, but would not have been cool with my white friends using it (happened just one time, and it was awkward and uncomfortable).

-AA mom, 38

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it. Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not.

And you make the rules?

Nobody with class uses the word nigger in casual conversation.

But you can keep using it and we will view you as trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it. Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not.

This is spot on.

This is what we tell our kids too.

[Anonymous]

Help him build relationships where the friends of all colors have and show respect. Try church, temple, youth group.
set him up for success, trashy friends does not build success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it. Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not.

This is spot on.

This is what we tell our kids too.

Way to take a stand! LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it. Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not.

This is spot on.

Are there any words that white people can sling around with abandon yet black people are forbidden to say?

No

And why is that, exactly?

educate yourself about the way racism works. It's not the job of others to educate you.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you son knows it, but explain to your son the consequence of what happens when a whitey says that word. show him a few videos on youtube.

you can drop the f-bomb all day long and no one bats an eye, but the N word, will be heard and there will be consequences. also explain to him that you wont allow that word in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are black-- they can say that word however they want to use it. Your family is white – you may not use it. It's pretty easy to explain--people can use terms referencing their own culture that outsiders may not.

This is spot on.

This is what we tell our kids too.

Way to take a stand! LOL

What doesn't that mean? DP but I would tell my kid the same thing. What is there to 'take a stand' about?