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If you have two children of the same gender, how did you stop wanting the other gender?
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Anonymous
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"Honestly, I don't know ONE woman that doesn't have some kind of problem with her mother"
Well I happen to be the exception then! I have a wonderful relationship with my mother, she is and has always benn an excellent mother and role model. I hope I am as good a mother to my kids as she was to us! |
Anonymous
Me too. My mother and I talk daily on the phone, and we talk about everything. I love that she wasn't my friend growing up, and now she is one of my best friends. OP. Just to give you some hope. I have a boy that loves to be groomed and pampered. At the age of four he has learned to love getting pedicures with me. It's a special day for us, and it doesn't matter that he isn't a girl, he can still appreciate nice feet. |
Anonymous
| You get over it. You don't get everything you want in life. What you do is find the joy and delight in what you have. |
Anonymous
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OP, let me ramble, I would think about having another. Your post does not sound so much like you want a girl, as much as, you are upset about the restrictions. If you had 10 kids, you would get a girl. I am not suggesting that you have 10. But we live in a nutty world that we make much more money than our parents did, but we say can't afford more kids. If I were 30, I would have 5. I have 2 (boy and girl) now and I am 45. I dream of the kids that I could have had. I am professional and make a ton of money, but I am not fulfilled because I think that I had a higher calling. The big family that I never had.
My aunt who is 65 still regrets not having a girl. She is the only one of her 14 sibs who did not have both sexes. Also consider adoption. That way you will get the gender you want. I know someone who did that and she is happy. FWIW, I have a better relationship with my DS, and I was the one who dreamed of a daughter for 30 years. My dd can be cranky and sneaky, but I do love her. She is more like me than I want to admit. Anyway, my suggestion is to examine how you really feel. Sounds like you want more, and have lots of love to give. |
Anonymous
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I haven't experienced what you are (I only wanted one, preferred a girl, got a girl) but I do have something to say about the wonderful thing that you KNOW you're going to have:
The love between brothers can be absolutely remarkable. Your sons will have a good shot at a supportive relationship with each other that endures beyond your own lifetime. I have a brother. We aren't close. We got along fine as kids but even though I was a tomboy, it was still boy-girl. There wasn't that much in common. As adults, even less. My father and his two brothers are best friends. They fought some as kids but for their entire adult lives they have been each other's closest allies. My husband and his brother (two years his senior) have the most beautiful, loving relationship I've ever seen. It's a good thing, too, because their father died of cancer and their mother is chronically mentally ill, which means that they absolutely have to be there for each other and for her. My brother-in-law officiated our wedding (you can become a minister on the internet these days) and is an even better brother to me than my own because of this very tight bond with my husband. It's hard to describe how pure and baggage-free their relationship is, especially compared to the sisterly relationships I know. But it's great. I get kind of mushy when I hear them end a phone call with "I love you." I'm not sure that there's any way you can cultivate this type of relationship for your sons, but I will tell you that from where I stand, a brother is the greatest gift you could give a son. Of course you can still wonder about a girl and your feelings matter as much as your child's, but I hope that this perspective helps. |
Anonymous
| mom of two boys here who also desperately wanted a daughter, albeit for the opposite reason as the OP - I had an amazing relationship with my mother, who died 3 years ago. I genuinely believe that there is something special about the mother-daughter relationship - it's not always positive, I guess, but it is unique and important. I have accepted that I won't have that experience again, although if I won the lottery and could affor 3 college tuitions and lots of household help I'd probably give it one more shot. But I'm not wracked with grief over this; I accept it as something that I simply can't change, like the PP who commented that she always wanted to be tall, thin and rich. The only thought that has ever really helped me feel better is the realization that my 2 boys will have one another for a lot longer than they will have me, and odds are that they will be closer than they might have been if they were different genders. (Not a hard and fast rule, obviously, I have 2 brothers whom I'm very close to, but just something to help. |
Anonymous
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i don't think you ever get over the wanting a certain gender.
I am the oldest of three children. When my parents were expecting the second child, they were determined it would be a boy. Oops, wrong it was a girl. They went as far as giving her the boy's name. Well, four years later they were going to try for a boy. The ultrasound even said it was a boy. Guess what? It was a girl as well. I have to say, I am not sure how a boy would have mixed in with us. My sisters and I are very close even though we live a thousand miles apart. My father passed away ten years ago unexpectedly and even then my mom was upset they never got their boy. Death brings out the worst in people at times. Anyway, I just believe it was one of those things you really don't get over. It is what is though...sometimes you don't get what you want. |
Anonymous
| When your new baby gets in your arms. I have 2 boys and have always wanted a girl for much the same reason as you. However, when DS #2 was born, I just fell totally ga ga in love with him. Plus, he and his brother get along so well even though they have totally diff temperments. I'm preg with #3 (and final) and am of course hoping for a girl, but will be happy with my wacko house of 3 brothers if that's what's in the cards for us. This is mostly due to the knowledge that 3 is all both DH and I can handle without totally losing our minds. |
Anonymous
| I can't tell you when or how because I'm in your same boat (second son is 6 weeks old). Your reason for wanting a daughter is my reason too. Plus sons tend not to be as close to their moms when they are adults. When I read posts like the one above where the poster said she talks to her mom every day and she is her best friend, it makes me incredibly sad that I will never have this as the daughter and may never have it as the mother (we always wanted more than 2, so plan to have more regardless of gender). The only thing that gives me any peace is making myself believe that everything happens for a reason -- magical thinking, I know, but it can be strangely comforting. Of course I love my sons . . . and when they are babies it doesn't make much of a difference that they are boys versus girls . . . but I still am sad that I may never have a daughter. According to other threads I've read on this, and newspaper articles about Microsort, this type of gender disappointment is very, very common, and tends to work in this direction in the U.S. -- mothers disappointed not to have daughters. |
Anonymous
| Sorry I'm the PP with two boys, and I should have stressed as did the last PP, that there is something special itself about having a house full of boys. I love my sons and have never looked at either and wished they were anything other than who they are (although I might sell my soul for a little better behavior on occasion!) I occasionally feel full of pride at managing - or at least surviving - two wild child little guys and particularly enjoying these early years when they are full of love for their moms. And I definitely won't miss the princess phase or the preteen mean girl horrors or the dramas over the ridiculously revealing clothing that seems to be the norm for girls these days. So as much as I would have loved to replicate or replace the wonderful mother-daughter relationship I had with my late mom, I am at peace with what I've got, and I have no doubt that the OP will find that too. |
Anonymous
Amen! |
Anonymous
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You are kidding, right? People really worry about this stuff?
How about being thankful for having happy, healthy children. This is as bad as the people who ask, when are you having your third since you don't have a boy (if you have all girls)? |
Anonymous
Sorry your fertility treatments are going well, Troll. |
Anonymous
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I'm not a troll. I'm also a fertile myrtle. Got pregnant both times on the first try!
I just can't believe people really worry about this. I'm not being snarky, I'm being honest. |
Anonymous
You know, you could keep having children and they could all be boys! I know a family that just had their 6th child, and the 6th boy. I'm sure they're trying for a girl but it's not yet in the cards. I'm sure they'll go for a 7th 
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