50th Wedding Anniversary - My responsibilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see where you're coming from OP. It seems like all of my parents and grandparents milestone birthdays and anniversaries fall to the younger generation and I'm not sure why. My grandparents have ridiculous amounts of money, but we still have to throw 90th birthday parties for them and 40th anniversary parties and such.

It's a way if showing appreciation for what they've done on your behalf, and also a way to honor them. I think it's appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see where you're coming from OP. It seems like all of my parents and grandparents milestone birthdays and anniversaries fall to the younger generation and I'm not sure why. My grandparents have ridiculous amounts of money, but we still have to throw 90th birthday parties for them and 40th anniversary parties and such.

It's a way if showing appreciation for what they've done on your behalf, and also a way to honor them. I think it's appropriate.

....especially if they've paid for college and weddings. How many opportunities do adult kids have to honor their parents and thank them for their support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's the children's responsibility to organize and host their parents anniversary. If parents want to throw a party, I would encourage all the kids and grandkids to attend.

+1

And, see, I strongly disagree that the parents should throw their own party.

My parents who are in their mid-70s and who have been married over 50 years would feel horribly awkward about hosting their own party. I think they would think it was a horrible breach of etiquette--along the lines of a bride throwing her own bridal shower. I absolutely won't quibble with their belief system about things like parties and the propriety of hosting a party for themselves because they are my parents and I respect that they have a different view than me about things like this.

Sometimes in families you just have to do something that others want you to do for them. It is part of being a family.

FWIW, I think the world is getting a little too me-centric. These are OP's parents. Certainly they are worth the bother of planning a party for a milestone anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see where you're coming from OP. It seems like all of my parents and grandparents milestone birthdays and anniversaries fall to the younger generation and I'm not sure why. My grandparents have ridiculous amounts of money, but we still have to throw 90th birthday parties for them and 40th anniversary parties and such.

It's a way if showing appreciation for what they've done on your behalf, and also a way to honor them. I think it's appropriate.

....especially if they've paid for college and weddings. How many opportunities do adult kids have to honor their parents and thank them for their support?

My parents didn't pay for my college or wedding. And in my case there's a "milestone year" every other year. Last year it was my moms 60th, this year it's their 40th anniversary, my dads 65th is next year. Same for inlaws. We threw inlaws a big 35th anniversary party. Dh and I only have one sibling each so there's no one to spread these milestones around with. We make 150k, have young children and student loans. All 4 parents are retired with millions. Why should I be paying? I do honor my parents. Would love to show up on a vacation they paid for. Last family vacation to Turkey cost me 7k.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your dad. Be clear about the money with him and have him help. Pick a date when all can visit, go to a nice restaurant in a private room. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see where you're coming from OP. It seems like all of my parents and grandparents milestone birthdays and anniversaries fall to the younger generation and I'm not sure why. My grandparents have ridiculous amounts of money, but we still have to throw 90th birthday parties for them and 40th anniversary parties and such.

It's a way if showing appreciation for what they've done on your behalf, and also a way to honor them. I think it's appropriate.

....especially if they've paid for college and weddings. How many opportunities do adult kids have to honor their parents and thank them for their support?

My parents didn't pay for my college or wedding. And in my case there's a "milestone year" every other year. Last year it was my moms 60th, this year it's their 40th anniversary, my dads 65th is next year. Same for inlaws. We threw inlaws a big 35th anniversary party. Dh and I only have one sibling each so there's no one to spread these milestones around with. We make 150k, have young children and student loans. All 4 parents are retired with millions. Why should I be paying? I do honor my parents. Would love to show up on a vacation they paid for. Last family vacation to Turkey cost me 7k.

Your idea of honoring your parents is showing up on a vacation they paid for? I honored my parents by treating them to a cruise. (They are millionnaires, but it's the thought that counts.)

My sister and I - both single, both earning below $100k - split the cost of a "celebration dinner" for my parents' milestone. We had about 40 people at a restaurant, and the bill - with liquor - came to about $3500. If you did something similar and solit it with your two other siblings, it would be less than $1,000 each. If you had $7,000 to go to Turkey on vacation, you also have $1,000 to give your parents a lovely memory. They won't be around forever.

And as far as all these milestones - your mother's 60th, your dad's 65th, the in-laws 35th - they all pale in comparison to a 50th anniversary. I wouldn't expect adult children to pay for a party every time a parent has a year ending in 0 or 5, but the 50th.....definitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see where you're coming from OP. It seems like all of my parents and grandparents milestone birthdays and anniversaries fall to the younger generation and I'm not sure why. My grandparents have ridiculous amounts of money, but we still have to throw 90th birthday parties for them and 40th anniversary parties and such.

It's a way if showing appreciation for what they've done on your behalf, and also a way to honor them. I think it's appropriate.

....especially if they've paid for college and weddings. How many opportunities do adult kids have to honor their parents and thank them for their support?

My parents didn't pay for my college or wedding. And in my case there's a "milestone year" every other year. Last year it was my moms 60th, this year it's their 40th anniversary, my dads 65th is next year. Same for inlaws. We threw inlaws a big 35th anniversary party. Dh and I only have one sibling each so there's no one to spread these milestones around with. We make 150k, have young children and student loans. All 4 parents are retired with millions. Why should I be paying? I do honor my parents. Would love to show up on a vacation they paid for. Last family vacation to Turkey cost me 7k.

You cannot compare a 35th or 40th anniversary (or a 60th) to a 50th wedding anniversary. Your problem is that apparently your family sees any event evenly divisible by 5 as a major milestone!

50th anniversary, 100th birthday, child's wedding ... these are the kind of major milestones people usually shell out for and put in the effort.

Even a 21st birthday, 25th anniversary, 75th birthday are lesser milestones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's the children's responsibility to organize and host their parents anniversary. If parents want to throw a party, I would encourage all the kids and grandkids to attend.

+1

And, see, I strongly disagree that the parents should throw their own party.

My parents who are in their mid-70s and who have been married over 50 years would feel horribly awkward about hosting their own party. I think they would think it was a horrible breach of etiquette--along the lines of a bride throwing her own bridal shower. I absolutely won't quibble with their belief system about things like parties and the propriety of hosting a party for themselves because they are my parents and I respect that they have a different view than me about things like this.

Sometimes in families you just have to do something that others want you to do for them. It is part of being a family.

FWIW, I think the world is getting a little too me-centric. These are OP's parents. Certainly they are worth the bother of planning a party for a milestone anniversary.

My mom is anxious and a control freak. And they have a lot of money, whereas a nice party with a bar and sit down meal would not have been affordable for my brother and I. She wanted a 50th anniversary party, but wanted it her way. So, my mom planned the whole thing, and asked us to pitch in on a few things like table decorations, etc. To cover the etiquette quandary, my mom had the invitations say that my brother and I were hosting the party. That way, nobody who cares about that kind of thing realized my parents threw their own party.

I don't know what else could be done if the kids can't afford a nice party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's the children's responsibility to organize and host their parents anniversary. If parents want to throw a party, I would encourage all the kids and grandkids to attend.

+1

And, see, I strongly disagree that the parents should throw their own party.

My parents who are in their mid-70s and who have been married over 50 years would feel horribly awkward about hosting their own party. I think they would think it was a horrible breach of etiquette--along the lines of a bride throwing her own bridal shower. I absolutely won't quibble with their belief system about things like parties and the propriety of hosting a party for themselves because they are my parents and I respect that they have a different view than me about things like this.

Sometimes in families you just have to do something that others want you to do for them. It is part of being a family.

FWIW, I think the world is getting a little too me-centric. These are OP's parents. Certainly they are worth the bother of planning a party for a milestone anniversary.

My mom is anxious and a control freak. And they have a lot of money, whereas a nice party with a bar and sit down meal would not have been affordable for my brother and I. She wanted a 50th anniversary party, but wanted it her way. So, my mom planned the whole thing, and asked us to pitch in on a few things like table decorations, etc. To cover the etiquette quandary, my mom had the invitations say that my brother and I were hosting the party. That way, nobody who cares about that kind of thing realized my parents threw their own party.

I don't know what else could be done if the kids can't afford a nice party.

If the kids really can't afford a nice party, OK. But it doesn't have to be a sit-down dinner. It can be a breakfast buffet for around $30/person, so 30 close friends and family would be around $1,000. Add in champagne, and maybe it's a total of $1,500. Too much? pare the guest list to 20. Then it's only $1000 or so.

If parents are celebrating their 50th, their adult kids are probably in their 40s. I can't believe each can't come up with $500. It's simply a matter of priorities. (Upthread we had someone say they soent $7k on a trip to Turkey, yet complained that their income made it hard to afford a party.)

C'mon, people. These are your parents. They fed you, clothed you, took you to the doctor, celebrated each of your birthdays, and probably put up with a lot of BS when you were teens. Show gratitude for what they've done, and honor them with a party....or a breakfast. SOMETHING.

[Anonymous]

We are soon to have our 40th (not as big as 50!) and we are fully funding a family gathering. While our kids have good resources so do we and having everyone together for a few days is our anniversary gift to ourselves. My parents did something similar when they had their 50th....and they had 7 kids and over 20 grandkids.

[Anonymous]

DH and I just threw a big party for our 50th. It would be great if the kids had the time and money to do it but they don't. It was a wonderful party, lots of old friends along with family. We funded the whole thing, including overnight accommodations, and despite being old farts we didn't feel improper for a second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's the children's responsibility to organize and host their parents anniversary. If parents want to throw a party, I would encourage all the kids and grandkids to attend.

+1

And, see, I strongly disagree that the parents should throw their own party.

My parents who are in their mid-70s and who have been married over 50 years would feel horribly awkward about hosting their own party. I think they would think it was a horrible breach of etiquette--along the lines of a bride throwing her own bridal shower. I absolutely won't quibble with their belief system about things like parties and the propriety of hosting a party for themselves because they are my parents and I respect that they have a different view than me about things like this.

Sometimes in families you just have to do something that others want you to do for them. It is part of being a family.

FWIW, I think the world is getting a little too me-centric. These are OP's parents. Certainly they are worth the bother of planning a party for a milestone anniversary.

My mom is anxious and a control freak. And they have a lot of money, whereas a nice party with a bar and sit down meal would not have been affordable for my brother and I. She wanted a 50th anniversary party, but wanted it her way. So, my mom planned the whole thing, and asked us to pitch in on a few things like table decorations, etc. To cover the etiquette quandary, my mom had the invitations say that my brother and I were hosting the party. That way, nobody who cares about that kind of thing realized my parents threw their own party.

I don't know what else could be done if the kids can't afford a nice party.

I'm the 2nd back PP and love how you did this, PP! It sounds like it worked out so that everyone was happy! Honestly, I think that a lot of posters here would not have been as gracious about it (allowing mom to plan it but using your name) but it worked for your family and that is great!

[Anonymous]

In my family we believe the children do something for the parent's 50th. In our case, my parents decided no party, since everyone was spread so far and wide, bt they wanted a trip. my 2 siblings and I put $100 away a month and so gave them total 3600 for the trip (1200 from each of us).

Also - there are some special things you can do for a 50th. The White House will send your parents a certificate and a congratulatory letter. It's easy to find and apply for it. (luckily for my liberal family, my parent's anniversary was 2 months before the 2016 election).

If you are Catholic, the Pope will send a blessing on the 50th anniversary. You have to work through the home parish to request it, but again just by googling you can find the info. Both these items were meaningful to my parents.