How did you handle the disappointment of admission rejections in the past?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in search of ideas of how to handle the disappointment of rejections that might come on March 3, 2017.

(We applied to a few stretch schools and 1 "safety" school.)

This may sound cheesy or over simplistic, but for me I kept telling myself that my DC would end up where God intended DC to be. We had a top choice, three schools that would be a second choice, and two that were a safety school. In total, we were admitted to three schools, WL at two and rejected from one. Fortunately, we were admitted to our top choice. However, it still stung to be rejected from one that was a second choice and it stung even more to be WL at school we thought would be a safety school. All in all, what I kept telling myself worked because we are over the hills with DC's current school.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're applying to K. I'm trying to manage my own feelings but reminding myself that it all comes down to fit. If we are not selected, maybe the program isn't a good fit.

As opposed to Dear Child not fitting the program.

When you have one choice, you have to fit the choice. But with many choices, to an extent the choice can be made to fit you.

If you look at it coldly, the schools typically take a max of 12 children of DC's gender (assuming a class size of 24 with gender balance.) And they are looking for a mix of personalities to balance out the class. We applied to two schools for K (we had a good public as backup). DC got into one and waitlisted at the other. Was told there were many priority applicants for DC's gender. That, of course, had been our first choice and we were encouraged to apply there again for 1st grade. However, we haven't looked since that day because we are so very happy with where we landed. DH and I both admit it was a bit of a godsend because we would have likely selected the other school (because it was k-12 and ours is k-8) mainly to be done with this whole process. Instead, we found a fantastic community and, while we don't look forward to applying again, we know that we will be able to select the best fit for DC at that point in time and that we'll have a lot more information about who DC is a learner and where DC will thrive.

I was quite depressed when my older kid did not get in in K to our top/very selective school as I just felt or was his place. He was rejected and he went to public. We reapplied a few years later and he is there now. So don't sweat it too much. Kindergarten at private honestly is not so important.

[Anonymous]

I think it's like trying to buy a house. Yes, you only put contracts in on places you really want, but in hindsight, and it could be sourgrapes, I've always felt like we've come out ahead on where we ended up buying. Same thing with schools. My youngest didn't get into her older brother's school and at the time it felt like a real slap in the face. But with a little distance, she is at the perfect school for her. If his school hadn't rejected her (more gently and compassionately than that sounds), I don't believe she'd be blossoming in the amazing way that she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't Know we got into top 2 choices.

Get a life.

[Anonymous]

I read the same thread every year on DCUM, and I always offer the same story and advice.

My child was rejected from Beauvoir (NCS/STA), Georgetown Day School (GDS), and Sidwell -- from all three(!) -- when we applied for them in kindergarten. They enrolled in the only school to admit them, one further down the list, and it was the perfect school for them.

Fast forward nine years and that same child was accepted to all of those schools for upper school. Of course, by eighth grade they had the benefit of years of excellent grades, strong ERB testing, and a 99th %ile standardized test score. They currently attend Harvard.

Do not worry, as things have a way of working out. In our child's case, the non-Big 3 school they attended from kinder-8th was the perfect school for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For what grade?

OP here. We are applying for 7th grade for our son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read the same thread every year on DCUM, and I always offer the same story and advice.

My child was rejected from Beauvoir (NCS/STA), Georgetown Day School (GDS), and Sidwell -- from all three(!) -- when we applied for them in kindergarten. They enrolled in the only school to admit them, one further down the list, and it was the perfect school for them.

Fast forward nine years and that same child was accepted to all of those schools for upper school. Of course, by eighth grade they had the benefit of years of excellent grades, strong ERB testing, and a 99th %ile standardized test score. They currently attend Harvard.

Do not worry, as things have a way of working out. In our child's case, the non-Big 3 school they attended from kinder-8th was the perfect school for them.

So clearly the kid was not a legacy at Harvard. "They" is plural. He or she attends. Furthermore, if you are so proud of the K-8 school, why not post it? And which Big 3 did he/she (sorry "they") attend?

[Anonymous]

Try not to take it personally. For pre-K, my daughter was rejected at one school, wait listed at one, and admitted to one (K-8). Once I got over the personal disappointment (what kind of loser am I that I can't get my kid into the school my friends' kids got into?), we decided not to pursue the wait listed school, on the theory they weren't able to realize how great my kid is, they didn't deserve her. She's now going through application process again (for 9th), and we have a much better idea of what a good "fit" would be. If she had been in one of the others we may have just kept her there without reexamining. So don't worry, even if you don't get into first choice, it will all work out. And if your kid is in K, you don't have to talk about where he/she was rejected just where you want him to go.

[Anonymous]

OP, keep telling yourself this is by no means the end of the road. I have a story similar to others' stories here. For 7th grade, DC was waitlisted (read, "rejected") at Sidwell and accepted at a cathedral school. DC went public instead, went onto a magnet for high school, generally got a great education, and is now at a top Ivy.

I've posted here before that the Sidwell waitlist was a wake up call for DC, who realized the importance of grades, stats and ECs. Also, as others have said, the magnet was probably a better fit for DC anyway. DC was coming from a small private, but we had begun to see the money/power dynamic at the Big Threes (the kids we knew who were accepted were all rich or connected or both). DC was more comfortable (and so were we, although that's less important) with the extremely well-educated but not quite so rich parents at the public schools. We were already getting invites (two invites) to join other families in Central America over spring break, which wouldn't have been possible for us on big 3 tuition.

OP, if you are disappointed--which I hope you won't be--then learn from it, like DC did. And make lemonade from the lemons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the same thread every year on DCUM, and I always offer the same story and advice.

My child was rejected from Beauvoir (NCS/STA), Georgetown Day School (GDS), and Sidwell -- from all three(!) -- when we applied for them in kindergarten. They enrolled in the only school to admit them, one further down the list, and it was the perfect school for them.

Fast forward nine years and that same child was accepted to all of those schools for upper school. Of course, by eighth grade they had the benefit of years of excellent grades, strong ERB testing, and a 99th %ile standardized test score. They currently attend Harvard.

Do not worry, as things have a way of working out. In our child's case, the non-Big 3 school they attended from kinder-8th was the perfect school for them.

So clearly the kid was not a legacy at Harvard. "They" is plural. He or she attends. Furthermore, if you are so proud of the K-8 school, why not post it? And which Big 3 did he/she (sorry "they") attend?

Drive-by correction: "They" can be used in the singular, when one wishes to write to remain gender-neutral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the same thread every year on DCUM, and I always offer the same story and advice.

My child was rejected from Beauvoir (NCS/STA), Georgetown Day School (GDS), and Sidwell -- from all three(!) -- when we applied for them in kindergarten. They enrolled in the only school to admit them, one further down the list, and it was the perfect school for them.

Fast forward nine years and that same child was accepted to all of those schools for upper school. Of course, by eighth grade they had the benefit of years of excellent grades, strong ERB testing, and a 99th %ile standardized test score. They currently attend Harvard.

Do not worry, as things have a way of working out. In our child's case, the non-Big 3 school they attended from kinder-8th was the perfect school for them.

So clearly the kid was not a legacy at Harvard. "They" is plural. He or she attends. Furthermore, if you are so proud of the K-8 school, why not post it? And which Big 3 did he/she (sorry "they") attend?

What is your problem? Obviously PP used "they" to avoid saying "he" or "she" and outing her child. Hope that's OK with you. Although "s/he" would have worked too. Also, "they" has a long history of being used as a singular pronoun, from Chaucer to Jane Austen, and there's actually more openness to it once you leave SAT-world.

[pbraverman]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in search of ideas of how to handle the disappointment of rejections that might come on March 3, 2017.

(We applied to a few stretch schools and 1 "safety" school.)

In the simplest terms, I encourage you to think about what kind of person you want your child to be, with what kinds of values. And ask whether the school he or she attends — if it happens not to be among your top choices — will inhibit the development of those values and that person.

As somebody who has spent his career working in independent schools, I would say: If the answer to that last question is yes, I wonder if you might be relying too heavily on the school to instill those values and shape that person. You have much more influence than you think you do. If the answer is no, well, there you have the answer to your original question, yes?

Your child will be awesome if he or she has loving parents who encourage their children to find their passions and foster them, to learn from their mistakes, to treat others well. A particular school may provide particular opportunities, but not nearly so many as a child's family will. It's great to attend a favorite school, but your values will be intact no matter what schools decide. In fact, you could make an argument that those values will be tested and strengthened more by rejections than acceptances. But I know better than to make that argument.

Best of luck!
Peter

_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read the same thread every year on DCUM, and I always offer the same story and advice.

My child was rejected from Beauvoir (NCS/STA), Georgetown Day School (GDS), and Sidwell -- from all three(!) -- when we applied for them in kindergarten. They enrolled in the only school to admit them, one further down the list, and it was the perfect school for them.

Fast forward nine years and that same child was accepted to all of those schools for upper school. Of course, by eighth grade they had the benefit of years of excellent grades, strong ERB testing, and a 99th %ile standardized test score. They currently attend Harvard.

Do not worry, as things have a way of working out. In our child's case, the non-Big 3 school they attended from kinder-8th was the perfect school for them.

So clearly the kid was not a legacy at Harvard. "They" is plural. He or she attends. Furthermore, if you are so proud of the K-8 school, why not post it? And which Big 3 did he/she (sorry "they") attend?

Not a not legacy (also admitted to Stanford). (Do you always ask people if their children were admitted as legacies, minority applicants, or athletes?) In an irony of sorts, my child had to politely decline admissions to the Big 3 (as opposed to the first time, when the schools politely declined), because I was assigned a posting abroad. S/he applied last minute (the week of decisions) to a boarding school in the U.S., which s/he attended instead. I will not specifically name the school they attended because my point is simply that any school outside of the Big 3 might be the right one for your child -- not one in particular. Also, I notice that people tend to jump in and criticize any school that is singled out for particular praise, and I would prefer not to subject this lovely school to that sort of criticism.

[Anonymous]

I think there of been some very nice and thoughtful responses already, so I just wanted to chime in to add one thing - remember that you may be rejected/wait listed even if the admissions team absolutely loves your child. While it's hard to take any perceived criticism or rejection of your child, keep in mind that the admissions team has a lot of factors unrelated to awesomeness to balance. There are going to be kids with preference because of siblings or parents who work at the school, and there also needs to be a balance of ages, sexes, races and personalities in a class.

One of my children is in a class where there isn't one single kid of his/her sex that wasn't a priority applicant. Some years just stink like that.

[pbraverman]

Anonymous wrote: I think there of been some very nice and thoughtful responses already, so I just wanted to chime in to add one thing - remember that you may be rejected/wait listed even if the admissions team absolutely loves your child. While it's hard to take any perceived criticism or rejection of your child, keep in mind that the admissions team has a lot of factors unrelated to awesomeness to balance. There are going to be kids with preference because of siblings or parents who work at the school, and there also needs to be a balance of ages, sexes, races and personalities in a class.

One of my children is in a class where there isn't one single kid of his/her sex that wasn't a priority applicant. Some years just stink like that.

+1

I can't tell you how many times schools decline to offer spots to an applicant for reasons that have nothing to do with him or her particularly, or that kids I worked with were not offered spots for reasons beyond their control and the school's disclosure to the families. I've had sixth-graders apply to schools, only to be told that the schools had more siblings applying that year than they had open spots in the rising seventh grade. It's not necessarily about your child — and if it is, it doesn't hurt to ask whether he/she/you might have done something to change the outcome. It can seem awfully random, and it can be a learning experience, too.

Thanks for the reminder, PP.
Peter