How did you handle the disappointment of admission rejections in the past?

[Anonymous]

I'm in search of ideas of how to handle the disappointment of rejections that might come on March 3, 2017.

(We applied to a few stretch schools and 1 "safety" school.)

[Anonymous]

For what grade?

[Anonymous]

Manage expectations now; odds are firmly against you at all of those stretch schools. Keep riminding yourself that non-admission is not an indication of any problem or weakness with you or your child; it's just schools trying, in a very inexact way, to create a solid combination of families for their classes.

If all else fails, create a scapegoat to blame; it's always easiest if you can blame someone else. (Just kidding about this last one, of course, although I watch tons of people do it every year!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Manage expectations now; odds are firmly against you at all of those stretch schools. Keep riminding yourself that non-admission is not an indication of any problem or weakness with you or your child; it's just schools trying, in a very inexact way, to create a solid combination of families for their classes.

If all else fails, create a scapegoat to blame; it's always easiest if you can blame someone else. (Just kidding about this last one, of course, although I watch tons of people do it every year!)

100% this. You do the best you can and then cross your fingers. They aren't lying when they say they get many many qualified kids...the admissions committee is assembling a puzzle from pieces...

[Anonymous]

It's helpful to immediately amplify in your mind any perceived negatives about the school(s) that said no. "God, we never would have been happy there" etc. It works.

[Anonymous]

Presumably you've only applied to schools that you would be willing to send your child to. Therefore, no matter what outcome, you have a good option.

[Anonymous]

Have a really good plan b.

[Anonymous]

Don't Know we got into top 2 choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't Know we got into top 2 choices.

Congrats, you are super awesome. Next!

[Anonymous]

OP, know that "there is more than one way to skin a cat". Mine was rejected at Sidwell after being on the waitlist and the head of the middle school really getting our hope up at the time.

Mine ended up at Montessori for awhile and then re-applied in 7th and got into another top private.

Ended up at Princeton thanks to her Montessori connections!

[Anonymous]

Which grade? It depends on whether you are just managing your own expectations (Pre-K, K) or your child's as well. The latter is obviously harder. Good to make a pro and con list of each school. And, presumably, you are willing to attend your safety as well.

Things to consider for a pro and con list include commute. For example, if you don't get into a school that would have been an awful commute, it might be a blessing in disguise. Cost is another consideration. Lunch another. Class size another. Extracurriculars another. Facilities another. By making a pro and con list, you can take some of the emotion out of the result.


In the early years, it can simply come down to numbers. A lot of schools give sibling, legacy and faculty preferences so it really is nothing personal.

[Anonymous]

We're applying to K. I'm trying to manage my own feelings but reminding myself that it all comes down to fit. If we are not selected, maybe the program isn't a good fit.

As opposed to Dear Child not fitting the program.

When you have one choice, you have to fit the choice. But with many choices, to an extent the choice can be made to fit you.

[Anonymous]

We applied to three schools and a safety school last year. Our child was only admitted to our safety school and waitlisted at two others. It was definitely disappointing. I took the family out for pizza and broke the sad news over a plate of cheesy goodness. We began immediately talking up the benefits of the safety school and she has had a wonderful experience there. We also continually drove the idea that our child would do well anywhere, which we do believe is true! She is trying again for acceptance because this year is an entry year at the two schools she was waitlisted on. So we are hopeful but keeping her where she is is a great option that we are all on board with.

[Anonymous]

We're in the same boat now waiting for March 3. We've tried two things during the process to help with eventual rejections/waitlists. First, all along we've tried to avoid identifying a "top school" or rank ordering the schools (we've applied to 5). The discussion has always been about whether or not a particular school would be a good fit if DC got in. That's not to say that favorites haven't emerged, but any time discussion has drifted toward loving one school over another, we've tried to temper hopes and dreams by talking about the difficult odds.

The second thing we've tried to do is just manage expectations - talking about the ins and out of the admissions process, how many great applicants schools have to reviews, and the likelihood that many qualified applicants will be rejected/waitlisted.

And for now, with applications and interviews and visits all done, we're trying to avoid bringing up the process. We'll have time in late February to start fretting again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're applying to K. I'm trying to manage my own feelings but reminding myself that it all comes down to fit. If we are not selected, maybe the program isn't a good fit.

As opposed to Dear Child not fitting the program.

When you have one choice, you have to fit the choice. But with many choices, to an extent the choice can be made to fit you.

If you look at it coldly, the schools typically take a max of 12 children of DC's gender (assuming a class size of 24 with gender balance.) And they are looking for a mix of personalities to balance out the class. We applied to two schools for K (we had a good public as backup). DC got into one and waitlisted at the other. Was told there were many priority applicants for DC's gender. That, of course, had been our first choice and we were encouraged to apply there again for 1st grade. However, we haven't looked since that day because we are so very happy with where we landed. DH and I both admit it was a bit of a godsend because we would have likely selected the other school (because it was k-12 and ours is k-8) mainly to be done with this whole process. Instead, we found a fantastic community and, while we don't look forward to applying again, we know that we will be able to select the best fit for DC at that point in time and that we'll have a lot more information about who DC is a learner and where DC will thrive.