I met my date's kid after a month and not sure how I feel, should I continue things?
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Anonymous
OP here, I'm fully aware of that. 
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Anonymous
For a young kid, I think it's fine to meet "dad's friend" for occasional outings. I think it's only a problem if a parent introduces a new person really soon and as your new mom/the woman I've fallen for/this time it's forever. That behavior would be a red flag for me because if you get more serious and you have really different ideas about parenting that will be a problem. It's also possible that he was nervous and acting differently than he would otherwise. |
Anonymous
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I didn't get the impression he introduced Op to his son as his girlfriend- just a friend they met up with to see the lights. If there was no pda or anything I don't think that's horrible.
I do think his behavior towards his son was a problem though; you've been given a gift Op, being able to see this side of him so soon. I would accept it and bow out now. |
Anonymous
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As a single parent, this would be a red flag for me. I ran into this quite often. Men who wanted me to meet their kids right away. In some cases, sending me pics of their kids after just chatting online a few times.
I think it stemmed from two things - first, if they had not been separated or divorced long and their kids were young, they just didn't know how or really want to spend so much concentrated time alone with their child. It is tough and can be boring. Second, they wanted to show off that they were a good catch in terms of being committed to family. |
Anonymous
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I think you already can see how different he is from you and not in a "gee whiz we can learn from each other" way. You aren't going to change him into a more happy, positive person or change the way he interacts with his son.
I will say, personally, knowing my kids, no way would I have brought them with me on a date if I were single.. The focus would be on the child and not me getting to know my date. Also, while my children are well behaved about 80% of the time in public, there is that 20% when something triggers them (with my oldest it has been saying no to her getting candy at a souvenir shop)and it is downhill from there. Sometimes it is about being hungry, thirsty, or tired. Sometimes it is about not getting their way so everything else becomes an issue. If it is about power and control, our best bet is to remove us and them from the situation or ignore them best I can (if we can't leave) and neither tactic is endearing to a stranger you are getting to know. So this it to say, it's hard to know from the snippet if he has a terrible relationship with his child but we can see you have a different style and this could be a source of conflict if you did end up in a relationship with him. |
Anonymous
I am not sure you can tell the kind of parent someone is based on a single interaction with their child. I have some nasty days when I catch myself yelling and being short tempered with my kids. Luckily, my husband is usually around to pick up on this and give me some time off. I do the same for him. In general, we are very calm but some days are rough(although I must admit that I would not be short tempered about my child not being able to see something or not smiling as OP mentioned). I think OP should give it another try if there are no other red flags. |
Anonymous
| Dump him OP. Sounds like he has control issues- everything has to be his way. This will be reflected on you as well, if the relationship were to take its natural course. |
Anonymous
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You guys seem overly harsh, but I agree that there are things that are difficult to describe in writing, and that if OP feels this is wrong for her, she should end it. There are plenty of parents who annoy their kids when they take pictures, including some very good parents. Your date does seem a bit socially lacking. |
Anonymous
| use him as a FWB. |
Anonymous
Not always, I have friend who is so desperate to get married that his son said he didn't like her or her son and he continues to date her and is talking about marriage. |
Anonymous
| Your date might have been scared that his son was upsetting you, so he overcompensated with the discipline. |
Anonymous
| I broke up with a man with 3 young kids and separated 6 minthswho wanted me to meet his kids after 3 dates. Poor kids,they were still reeling from the breakup if their family. Way too early to meet dates! |
Anonymous
So why didn't you just refuse to meet the kids at the time. What are you looking for, the wisest person who ever lived? |
Anonymous
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I think it's appropriate to go to Zoo Lights with "dad's friend." I also don't really think that the way he was speaking to his son during this outing is indicative of a larger parenting problem.
I do think that OP should break up with him if she's feeling at all ambivalent about the relationship, though. Now that you've met his kid, that door has been opened and the more you see the kid, the more likely the kid will become attached to you. If you're not all in, get out now before that happens. I say this as a person whose ex did similar things. I didn't have a problem with him introducing DD (similarly aged at the time) to his girlfriend as "dad's friend" for a specific activity provided that it didn't cross the lines we'd drawn early on (it didn't). What I did have a problem with was my ex continue to see women he felt lukewarm about long enough for them to make an impression on DD. When he finally broke up with them, I think DD was more upset about it than he was, and that was a problem. |
Anonymous
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I don't think I would date a man who had been divorced two years and his son will still in preschool.
That alone shows very poor judgment indeed. |