ILs want to babysit and DH and I say no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they choose to ignore and disrespect you, then they choose not to be allowed to have alone time with baby. If they choose to get in a snit over that and not see you/baby at all, that's their choice, too.

It is THEM choosing to not see you/not see the baby, not you. Too bad for them.

They suck.

+1 This is a serious safety issue, not some minor preference you can easily ignore for a few hours every now and again. Tell them honestly why they are not allowed to babysit, with examples. What they do with that information is in their hands. If they want it badly enough, they'll agree to abide by your rules; if not, that's their choice and the consequences are theirs to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they choose to ignore and disrespect you, then they choose not to be allowed to have alone time with baby. If they choose to get in a snit over that and not see you/baby at all, that's their choice, too.

It is THEM choosing to not see you/not see the baby, not you. Too bad for them.

They suck.

+1 This is a serious safety issue, not some minor preference you can easily ignore for a few hours every now and again. Tell them honestly why they are not allowed to babysit, with examples. What they do with that information is in their hands. If they want it badly enough, they'll agree to abide by your rules; if not, that's their choice and the consequences are theirs to deal with.

That's the thing, there is no chance for them to just agree to abude by the rules anymore. DH and I are willing to revisit this in a few years but thats it. I tried to talk with both of them when the mashed potato incident occurred. I made my feelings very clear and told them if it continued they would lose my trust. MIL rolled her eyes. SIL told me to get over it and that her ILs fed her son food at that age too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they choose to ignore and disrespect you, then they choose not to be allowed to have alone time with baby. If they choose to get in a snit over that and not see you/baby at all, that's their choice, too.

It is THEM choosing to not see you/not see the baby, not you. Too bad for them.

They suck.

+1 This is a serious safety issue, not some minor preference you can easily ignore for a few hours every now and again. Tell them honestly why they are not allowed to babysit, with examples. What they do with that information is in their hands. If they want it badly enough, they'll agree to abide by your rules; if not, that's their choice and the consequences are theirs to deal with.

That's the thing, there is no chance for them to just agree to abude by the rules anymore. DH and I are willing to revisit this in a few years but thats it. I tried to talk with both of them when the mashed potato incident occurred. I made my feelings very clear and told them if it continued they would lose my trust. MIL rolled her eyes. SIL told me to get over it and that her ILs fed her son food at that age too.

Well there's your answer.

"MIL, SIL, we are happy to have you come visit us, but we aren't leaving the baby with you. You have chosen to ignore our rules and concerns, and even to laugh at us when we tried to talk to you about it. It's your choice--you are welcome to come over, or we can meet you somewhere. But you won't be watching the baby alone. If that means you won't be seeing us anymore, that is your choice, and we're sorry to hear it."

[Anonymous]

Just keep saying no.

[Anonymous]

Op, parents can choose their own babysitters. You owe no one an explanation

Dial down the drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they choose to ignore and disrespect you, then they choose not to be allowed to have alone time with baby. If they choose to get in a snit over that and not see you/baby at all, that's their choice, too.

It is THEM choosing to not see you/not see the baby, not you. Too bad for them.

They suck.

+1 This is a serious safety issue, not some minor preference you can easily ignore for a few hours every now and again. Tell them honestly why they are not allowed to babysit, with examples. What they do with that information is in their hands. If they want it badly enough, they'll agree to abide by your rules; if not, that's their choice and the consequences are theirs to deal with.

That's the thing, there is no chance for them to just agree to abude by the rules anymore. DH and I are willing to revisit this in a few years but thats it. I tried to talk with both of them when the mashed potato incident occurred. I made my feelings very clear and told them if it continued they would lose my trust. MIL rolled her eyes. SIL told me to get over it and that her ILs fed her son food at that age too.

Don't let them babysit. They've made it clear what they will do. If they decide to not speak to you from this, so be it. I agree with pp's, this is not the same as grandma giving a 5 yo a cookie before dinner. No way in heck would I allow them to watch my kid after they gave a 2mo mashed potatoes. No way at all, and I'm one of the most laid back moms you'll find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they choose to ignore and disrespect you, then they choose not to be allowed to have alone time with baby. If they choose to get in a snit over that and not see you/baby at all, that's their choice, too.

It is THEM choosing to not see you/not see the baby, not you. Too bad for them.

They suck.

+1 This is a serious safety issue, not some minor preference you can easily ignore for a few hours every now and again. Tell them honestly why they are not allowed to babysit, with examples. What they do with that information is in their hands. If they want it badly enough, they'll agree to abide by your rules; if not, that's their choice and the consequences are theirs to deal with.

That's the thing, there is no chance for them to just agree to abude by the rules anymore. DH and I are willing to revisit this in a few years but thats it. I tried to talk with both of them when the mashed potato incident occurred. I made my feelings very clear and told them if it continued they would lose my trust. MIL rolled her eyes. SIL told me to get over it and that her ILs fed her son food at that age too.

Well there's your answer.

"MIL, SIL, we are happy to have you come visit us, but we aren't leaving the baby with you. You have chosen to ignore our rules and concerns, and even to laugh at us when we tried to talk to you about it. It's your choice--you are welcome to come over, or we can meet you somewhere. But you won't be watching the baby alone. If that means you won't be seeing us anymore, that is your choice, and we're sorry to hear it."

I'm the PP who suggested telling them why they're not allowed. If they already know and don't care, then yes, you have your answer. Stand firm.

[Anonymous]

It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot. These people need to learn boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they choose to ignore and disrespect you, then they choose not to be allowed to have alone time with baby. If they choose to get in a snit over that and not see you/baby at all, that's their choice, too.

It is THEM choosing to not see you/not see the baby, not you. Too bad for them.

They suck.

Totally agree with this. Their behaviour is egregious. If they choose to not speak to you over this, so be it. I have a feeling they're used to emotionally manipulating people to get their way. Don't give in to them.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

This all day, every day. These assholes are giving up a relationship with the child over a power struggle. These people do not deserve to be in your child's life. They clearly value control over people. You shouldn't teach your daughter that they are safe people to be around.

[Anonymous]

^^^ agree with this. Bigger kids + more questionable judgment = T_R_O_U_B_L_E

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't leave my baby with a jackass either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot.

Honestly though isn't this what grand parents and aunts are supposed to do. Spoil their grand-kids and nieces/nephews...

WTF is wrong with ice cream(frozen milk) mashed potates(isn't baby food soft)
baby powder (as long as they are putting clouds of powder around the kid)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot.

Honestly though isn't this what grand parents and aunts are supposed to do. Spoil their grand-kids and nieces/nephews...

WTF is wrong with ice cream(frozen milk) mashed potates(isn't baby food soft)
baby powder (as long as they are putting clouds of powder around the kid)

I am a grandmother and would never go against my son or DIL's wishes. But I would internally roll my eyes. I raised five healthy children without any problem. A little ice cream or mashed potatoes is not going to hurt a four month old. At four months my kids were eating cereal, fruit, eggs, and vegetables. The baby powder might concern me more. I would just ask her to put it on her own hands before putting on the baby.

But again, I do exactly what my son and DIL ask because they are the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot.

Honestly though isn't this what grand parents and aunts are supposed to do. Spoil their grand-kids and nieces/nephews...

WTF is wrong with ice cream(frozen milk) mashed potates(isn't baby food soft)
baby powder (as long as they are putting clouds of powder around the kid)

Absolutely not! Grandparents are there to provide another loving adult that children can bond with and learn from. Grandparents are NOT there to undermine the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot.

Honestly though isn't this what grand parents and aunts are supposed to do. Spoil their grand-kids and nieces/nephews...

WTF is wrong with ice cream(frozen milk) mashed potates(isn't baby food soft)
baby powder (as long as they are putting clouds of powder around the kid)

I am a grandmother and would never go against my son or DIL's wishes. But I would internally roll my eyes. I raised five healthy children without any problem. A little ice cream or mashed potatoes is not going to hurt a four month old. At four months my kids were eating cereal, fruit, eggs, and vegetables. The baby powder might concern me more. I would just ask her to put it on her own hands before putting on the baby.

But again, I do exactly what my son and DIL ask because they are the parents.

Great, except that's not the current recommendations, so those mashed potatoes and that ice cream end up being the baby's first solids. That's not something Grandma should be stepping in to. And baby powder use increases ovarian cancer risk, so no, that's not okay near my baby. The threat to not speak to them again shows it is indeed about control, as a poster up thread said.