ILs want to babysit and DH and I say no
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Anonymous
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My MIL and SIL are pissed at DH and I because we dont allow them unsupervised time with our 1 year old. We have our reasons but it's beginning to cause serious damage to our relationship with ILs.
Our reason is simple. They proved to us multiple times that they do not respect our parenting choices. When DD was a baby a few instances occurred that has left us uneasy with leaving DD alone with them. First instance: I told SIL not to feed 2 month old DD mashed potatoes(from KFC at that!) And she did it anyways. Right in front of me. MIL laughed. MIL insisted we use baby powder. We told her that her Ipediatrician was against baby powder and explained why. She rolled her eyes. Then one day when she came to visit she looks at me and says "oh I meant to bring baby powder. I'll bring it next time". At 4 months old SIL tried to give DD ice cream. I told her that she was absolutely not going to give my baby ice cream. She said "I would if it was vanilla. I don't care what you say. It's not going to hurt her to have a little bitty bit" They've done better about respecting our wishes because we see them a lot less and never give them the opportunity. They're ready to never speak to us again. What would you do in this situation? |
Anonymous
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If they choose to ignore and disrespect you, then they choose not to be allowed to have alone time with baby. If they choose to get in a snit over that and not see you/baby at all, that's their choice, too.
It is THEM choosing to not see you/not see the baby, not you. Too bad for them. They suck. |
Anonymous
I hate it. I hate saying no. It's in no way fun not trusting them with my child but I don't. |
Anonymous
+1. What the actual F is wrong with people? Who would want someone so disrespectful watching their kids? |
Anonymous
I wouldn't speak to them again  (okay, that's not helpful. sorry!) Do you have other baby sitters? Are there criteria they meet that you can apply to the IL's? (CPR training, etc.?) My kids are 4 and 6 and I still cringe to let them spend an afternoon with my IL's - sugar and junk food up the wazoo, no schedule, no expected accountability (did you make this mess? don't worry, grown-ups will clean it up for you - argh!) but the kids are old enough to survive without long term damage that overrides the benefits of spending time with adults who love them. But until age 3 or so, when the kids can speak a bit more for themselves and are less terrifyingly vulnerable... eek! Glad you and your DH are on the same page at least. Good luck!
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Anonymous
| "Barbara, Karen, we know you love Baby, and want to spend time with him. But the bottom line is, you don't respect our parenting choices, and we can't trust you. When we leave Baby with someone, we have to know that our rules and wishes will be followed. These are rules and wishes we base on recommendations from pediatricians, from the latest parenting guidelines, and from our own experience with our child. If you want to babysit, you are going to have to go by our rules. That's final." |
Anonymous
| The only people allowed to babysit are my mom and sister. We also have a close friend we would allow if needed. That's it. My mom and sister live 35 minutes away while ILs live 10. It's not that it's convenient this way. |
Anonymous
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My mom would probably do whatever she wanted with my kids, so I would never leave them alone with her. She can't physically handle them alone anyway, so it's a moot point, but I understand where you're coming from.
My MIL and step-MIL, on the other hand, work hard to respect our wishes even though we give them a lot of leeway. |
Anonymous
| I would feel the same way as you, OP. In fact I don't feel comfortable leaving our child with ILs either because they have no common sense when it comes to basic safety. Do what is right for your child, if they choose to have a grudge it is on them. |
Anonymous
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I recently visited a family friend's baby (one month old). The mother is young (low 20s) and seems very happy to hand the baby over to the ILs. ILs (MIL and Aunt-IL) said they baby cries a lot so they've tried all sort of remedies including ginger ale. I almost fell out of my seat! Luckily for them, the baby's mother is clueless, but omg if my mom or MIL tried that they'd never get to hold the baby unsupervised.
Stick to your guns, momma! |
Anonymous
+1 Explain cause and effect clearly. My parents and ILs aren't perfect and do things I wouldn't, but certainly not with regard to fundamental safety (solids for a 2 mo, baby powder). If they don't know things have changed, fine, but they have to be able to listen when you tell them that they have. |
Anonymous
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Your husband should tell them that they have not respected your joint wishes in the past and that therefore neither of you can trust them now, and that you will revisit when your daughter is able to speak for herself. If they choose to get all huffy, then it's their problem. Your daughter will not suffer in the least from not seeing these people. |
Anonymous
Totally agree with this. Their behaviour is egregious. If they choose to not speak to you over this, so be it. I have a feeling they're used to emotionally manipulating people to get their way. Don't give in to them. |
Anonymous
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS |
Anonymous
Agree. They thought they were showing OP and her DH who's boss with their "I do what I want" behavior. It's probably a shock to their entitled systems that OP didn't roll over and let them walk all over her. |