ILs want to babysit and DH and I say no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the MIL and SIL a package deal? Why are they always together in these situations? The SIL acts like she is 13, and MIL seems to be trying to get a rise out of you, OP. Set your boundaries, you are the parent, you get to set the rules.

It's one of those situations where they're always together. If I were to leave DD with MIL, MIL would call SIL and next thing you know its SIL watching DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot.

Honestly though isn't this what grand parents and aunts are supposed to do. Spoil their grand-kids and nieces/nephews...

WTF is wrong with ice cream(frozen milk) mashed potates(isn't baby food soft)
baby powder (as long as they are putting clouds of powder around the kid)

I am a grandmother and would never go against my son or DIL's wishes. But I would internally roll my eyes. I raised five healthy children without any problem. A little ice cream or mashed potatoes is not going to hurt a four month old. At four months my kids were eating cereal, fruit, eggs, and vegetables. The baby powder might concern me more. I would just ask her to put it on her own hands before putting on the baby.

But again, I do exactly what my son and DIL ask because they are the parents.

PP, you nailed it. You raised your five kids. You had your chance to call the shots. And I bet when you did, you resented people telling you how to parent, and I bet they were internally rolling their eyes. And so it goes.

Honestly, I think that's why I am a pretty good MIL and Grammy and have great relationships with all my adult kids. My mom never interfered. My parents do not offer advice unless we ask. [/b]My DH and I follow their example. I'm sure like me, my mother bit her tongue plenty of times. The point is that the parents get to make the decisions. [b]Period. When you have raised five kids and have the benefit of hindsight and experience you realize that there are many, many ways to raise a healthy child. You don't need to make someone else wrong to justify your parenting decisions. But I think all grandmothers roll their eyes occasionally.

What if one of your grandkids was an extremely overweight baby because your son and dil over fed her formula any time the baby got upset! Would you say anything or keep it to yourself? The feel like I should let the parents do what they want and stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care about my baby eating mashed potatoes or whatever once in a while when my inlaws babysit but I wouldn't allow my mil to use baby power on my DD ever since it's associated with ovarian cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot.

Honestly though isn't this what grand parents and aunts are supposed to do. Spoil their grand-kids and nieces/nephews...

WTF is wrong with ice cream(frozen milk) mashed potates(isn't baby food soft)
baby powder (as long as they are putting clouds of powder around the kid)

I am a grandmother and would never go against my son or DIL's wishes. But I would internally roll my eyes. I raised five healthy children without any problem. A little ice cream or mashed potatoes is not going to hurt a four month old. At four months my kids were eating cereal, fruit, eggs, and vegetables. The baby powder might concern me more. I would just ask her to put it on her own hands before putting on the baby.

But again, I do exactly what my son and DIL ask because they are the parents.

PP, you nailed it. You raised your five kids. You had your chance to call the shots. And I bet when you did, you resented people telling you how to parent, and I bet they were internally rolling their eyes. And so it goes.

Honestly, I think that's why I am a pretty good MIL and Grammy and have great relationships with all my adult kids. My mom never interfered. My parents do not offer advice unless we ask. [/b]My DH and I follow their example. I'm sure like me, my mother bit her tongue plenty of times. The point is that the parents get to make the decisions. [b]Period. When you have raised five kids and have the benefit of hindsight and experience you realize that there are many, many ways to raise a healthy child. You don't need to make someone else wrong to justify your parenting decisions. But I think all grandmothers roll their eyes occasionally.

What if one of your grandkids was an extremely overweight baby because your son and dil over fed her formula any time the baby got upset! Would you say anything or keep it to yourself? The feel like I should let the parents do what they want and stay out of it.

Honest answer. I would stay out of it unless they specifically asked my opinion. And even then I would tread carefully. Nothing good comes from interfering in parenting decisions.

[Anonymous]

I have two babies and none of these things sound that bad to me. My MIL and mom have both fed my baby ice cream for breakfast and I bit MY tongue because what the heck, it makes them and my kid happy.

I wouldn't micromanage my kids' relationship with their grandparents. Short of a safety issue on the order of not using a car seat, as long as my kid is alive when I get back, I'll take any free babysitting that's offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot.

Honestly though isn't this what grand parents and aunts are supposed to do. Spoil their grand-kids and nieces/nephews...

WTF is wrong with ice cream(frozen milk) mashed potates(isn't baby food soft)
baby powder (as long as they are putting clouds of powder around the kid)

I am a grandmother and would never go against my son or DIL's wishes. But I would internally roll my eyes. I raised five healthy children without any problem. A little ice cream or mashed potatoes is not going to hurt a four month old. At four months my kids were eating cereal, fruit, eggs, and vegetables. The baby powder might concern me more. I would just ask her to put it on her own hands before putting on the baby.

But again, I do exactly what my son and DIL ask because they are the parents.

Here's the thing, even if OP is uptight for not feeding a baby those foods, it sounds like the mashed potatoes were her DS's first solids. For me, feeding DD her first solid food was a milestone moment. We took pictures etc. It would make me really sad if someone else fed her first let alone (1) not when I wanted her to be fed, (2) not *what* I wanted her to be fed, and (3) then laughed at me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Absolutely not! Grandparents are there to provide another loving adult that children can bond with and learn from. Grandparents are NOT there to undermine the parents.

I did not say undermine. grandparents are there to be loving adults, which can include the occasional spoiling...

F me....mashed potatoes are now solid foods... for the love of god....

Hey genius...mashed potatoes usually contain butter, milk and/or cream. Babies that age may well have an allergy to cows milk. They are only supposed to have breast milk or formula until a doctor says otherwise at a 9 month checkup.

Idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It will just get worse the older your kids get. They'll be sneaking them candy bars and whatnot.

Honestly though isn't this what grand parents and aunts are supposed to do. Spoil their grand-kids and nieces/nephews...

WTF is wrong with ice cream(frozen milk) mashed potates(isn't baby food soft)
baby powder (as long as they are putting clouds of powder around the kid)

I am a grandmother and would never go against my son or DIL's wishes. But I would internally roll my eyes. I raised five healthy children without any problem. A little ice cream or mashed potatoes is not going to hurt a four month old. At four months my kids were eating cereal, fruit, eggs, and vegetables. The baby powder might concern me more. I would just ask her to put it on her own hands before putting on the baby.

But again, I do exactly what my son and DIL ask because they are the parents.

This. I'm also a grandmother and I agree completely. Even though I have to turn off the wi fi when the grandkids (now elementary school age) visit.

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is that they disrespect you as the parent.

It's not that they're horribly dangerous. If they can't respect your decisions, they don't get to babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Absolutely not! Grandparents are there to provide another loving adult that children can bond with and learn from. Grandparents are NOT there to undermine the parents.

I did not say undermine. grandparents are there to be loving adults, which can include the occasional spoiling...

F me....mashed potatoes are now solid foods... for the love of god....

Hey genius...mashed potatoes usually contain butter, milk and/or cream. Babies that age may well have an allergy to cows milk. They are only supposed to have breast milk or formula until a doctor says otherwise at a 9 month checkup.

Idiot.

Okay. I'm of the "respect the parents' wishes," but you're going a bit overboard here. Avoidance of cow's milk in the first year is one of those "abundance of caution" things. A steady diet might be harmful (though there were kids fed this way not so long ago), but an occasional taste is very unlikely to do harm - kind of equivalent to the occasional car ride.

Some parents use rules like these as a means to control their children, other people, etc. It can get pretty crazy.

--PP grandma who has to turn off the wifi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two babies and none of these things sound that bad to me. My MIL and mom have both fed my baby ice cream for breakfast and I bit MY tongue because what the heck, it makes them and my kid happy.

I wouldn't micromanage my kids' relationship with their grandparents. Short of a safety issue on the order of not using a car seat, as long as my kid is alive when I get back, I'll take any free babysitting that's offered.

Yeah, the MIL didn't give the baby arsenic, but solids at 2 months when the parents specifically said no??? And really, the point is not whether the behaviors by the ILs are okay by your standards or my standards. They're not okay with the parents, and the ILs are willfully disrespecting them. That's NOT okay.

[Anonymous]

You're choosing to deny your child a close relationship with GPs over a bite of mashed potatoes and ice cream?
Think it over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're choosing to deny your child a close relationship with GPs over a bite of mashed potatoes and ice cream?
Think it over.

e
No, that's not quite it, Champ. It's the ILs that are putting the relationship in jeopardy. The parents have asked the MIL and SIL to respect their wishes. It costs the ILs nothing to do that, yet they continue to disrespect the parents.

And since when does babysitting a baby define a relationship as "close?" The parents are simply saying that the baby will not be left alone with the ILs. They haven't cut off all access. Many families have close relationships without babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that they disrespect you as the parent.

It's not that they're horribly dangerous. If they can't respect your decisions, they don't get to babysit.

This. It's KFC mashed potatoes now, but as the child gets older, it then becomes more about the child knowing that grandma and auntie don't respect her parents, which is a dangerous message for a kid to get from people she's supposed to trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're choosing to deny your child a close relationship with GPs over a bite of mashed potatoes and ice cream?
Think it over.

e
No, that's not quite it, Champ. It's the ILs that are putting the relationship in jeopardy. The parents have asked the MIL and SIL to respect their wishes. It costs the ILs nothing to do that, yet they continue to disrespect the parents.

And since when does babysitting a baby define a relationship as "close?" The parents are simply saying that the baby will not be left alone with the ILs. They haven't cut off all access. Many families have close relationships without babysitting.

Okay, champ, because telling the in laws they can't be alone with the baby over mashed fucking potatoes isn't going to poison the relationship or anything. Get a clue...champ.