Children and Racial Slurs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle a racial slur being made against your elementary aged child if the teacher didn't contact you and your child is upset? This is a white child being called the "N" word by an AA child, he was also called other names. This was in the classroom while the kids were getting ready to sit on the carpet for a story. The child looked right at the other child and called the name - I was careful to determine that my child didn't mishear or hear something that was just being said out loud. It was 100% said to my child.

Do I contact the parents, or the teacher, or go see the principle? Or do none of those and just counsel my child on how we don't say that to people and how it's not okay? My concern is that the other child is saying this to other kids and that kids will pick up on it and it will spread. Also concerned with how upset my child is.

Any thoughts on the best course of action or advice on what you would do in this situation?

I would follow up with the teacher - your DH did not give her a chance to address something that happened in the classroom.

I would also follow up with your child. They are hurtful words no matter who they are said to, and they should not be used.

The teacher had a chance to contact us and warn us about what my child may come home and say and explain the situation/what steps she took. I'm wasn't aware DH was going to approach the principle, but at this point I don't think we will contact the teacher as the principle is already involved.

Did the teacher hear the comments? If not, you can't blame her for not being involved yet.

I'd still send a brief email, noting that he mentioned it to the principal whom he happened to see this morning. That way the teacher doesn't feel like you intentionally went over her head without including her in the initial conversation.

[Anonymous]

If it was a five or six year old I would be less concerned. By 9 or 10, it's a big deal. At my son's school it would mean a suspension. No questions asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle a racial slur being made against your elementary aged child if the teacher didn't contact you and your child is upset? This is a white child being called the "N" word by an AA child, he was also called other names. This was in the classroom while the kids were getting ready to sit on the carpet for a story. The child looked right at the other child and called the name - I was careful to determine that my child didn't mishear or hear something that was just being said out loud. It was 100% said to my child.

Do I contact the parents, or the teacher, or go see the principle? Or do none of those and just counsel my child on how we don't say that to people and how it's not okay? My concern is that the other child is saying this to other kids and that kids will pick up on it and it will spread. Also concerned with how upset my child is.

Any thoughts on the best course of action or advice on what you would do in this situation?

I would follow up with the teacher - your DH did not give her a chance to address something that happened in the classroom.

I would also follow up with your child. They are hurtful words no matter who they are said to, and they should not be used.

The teacher had a chance to contact us and warn us about what my child may come home and say and explain the situation/what steps she took. I'm wasn't aware DH was going to approach the principle, but at this point I don't think we will contact the teacher as the principle is already involved.

Did the teacher hear the comments? If not, you can't blame her for not being involved yet.

I'd still send a brief email, noting that he mentioned it to the principal whom he happened to see this morning. That way the teacher doesn't feel like you intentionally went over her head without including her in the initial conversation.

I cannot say whether or not the teacher heard, but my child did tell the teacher what was said. The room they were in was small and the kids were settling onto the carpet so it's possible the teacher was in in-shot, but I really don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle a racial slur being made against your elementary aged child if the teacher didn't contact you and your child is upset? This is a white child being called the "N" word by an AA child, he was also called other names. This was in the classroom while the kids were getting ready to sit on the carpet for a story. The child looked right at the other child and called the name - I was careful to determine that my child didn't mishear or hear something that was just being said out loud. It was 100% said to my child.

Do I contact the parents, or the teacher, or go see the principle? Or do none of those and just counsel my child on how we don't say that to people and how it's not okay? My concern is that the other child is saying this to other kids and that kids will pick up on it and it will spread. Also concerned with how upset my child is.

Any thoughts on the best course of action or advice on what you would do in this situation?

You should write a brief email directly to the principal, alerting him/ her to investigate the apparent bullying.

DH just told me he caught the principle in the car pool line and mentioned it to her. She was "horrified" and began asking questions and jotting stuff down on her note pad. She's going to look into it. I didn't anticipate him running into her and saying something, but he did, so I guess it is handled now. Of course I'm concerned about backlash and my child being alienated or ostracized.

I'm a black mom and my advice was to go into the classroom the following morning and speak with the teacher directly. That your DH was able to speak directly to the principal was excellent. No emails. Show up. Some things require a face to face. Now, you're hearing from a woman with no Facebook account, so I am a big fan of face-to-face with just about everything. He saw her face, saw how seriously she took it. That matters.

Don't worry about the backlash. Honestly, just don't. That other kid's mom...I can only imagine what she's going to do. It won't be taken lightly. Blame will be placed entirely on the person who spoke the word---not your child, the recipient. Rest easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle a racial slur being made against your elementary aged child if the teacher didn't contact you and your child is upset? This is a white child being called the "N" word by an AA child, he was also called other names. This was in the classroom while the kids were getting ready to sit on the carpet for a story. The child looked right at the other child and called the name - I was careful to determine that my child didn't mishear or hear something that was just being said out loud. It was 100% said to my child.

Do I contact the parents, or the teacher, or go see the principle? Or do none of those and just counsel my child on how we don't say that to people and how it's not okay? My concern is that the other child is saying this to other kids and that kids will pick up on it and it will spread. Also concerned with how upset my child is.

Any thoughts on the best course of action or advice on what you would do in this situation?

You should write a brief email directly to the principal, alerting him/ her to investigate the apparent bullying.

DH just told me he caught the principle in the car pool line and mentioned it to her. She was "horrified" and began asking questions and jotting stuff down on her note pad. She's going to look into it. I didn't anticipate him running into her and saying something, but he did, so I guess it is handled now. Of course I'm concerned about backlash and my child being alienated or ostracized.

I'm a black mom and my advice was to go into the classroom the following morning and speak with the teacher directly. That your DH was able to speak directly to the principal was excellent. No emails. Show up. Some things require a face to face. Now, you're hearing from a woman with no Facebook account, so I am a big fan of face-to-face with just about everything. He saw her face, saw how seriously she took it. That matters.

Don't worry about the backlash. Honestly, just don't. That other kid's mom...I can only imagine what she's going to do. It won't be taken lightly. Blame will be placed entirely on the person who spoke the word---not your child, the recipient. Rest easy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle a racial slur being made against your elementary aged child if the teacher didn't contact you and your child is upset? This is a white child being called the "N" word by an AA child, he was also called other names. This was in the classroom while the kids were getting ready to sit on the carpet for a story. The child looked right at the other child and called the name - I was careful to determine that my child didn't mishear or hear something that was just being said out loud. It was 100% said to my child.

Do I contact the parents, or the teacher, or go see the principle? Or do none of those and just counsel my child on how we don't say that to people and how it's not okay? My concern is that the other child is saying this to other kids and that kids will pick up on it and it will spread. Also concerned with how upset my child is.

Any thoughts on the best course of action or advice on what you would do in this situation?

You should write a brief email directly to the principal, alerting him/ her to investigate the apparent bullying.

DH just told me he caught the principle in the car pool line and mentioned it to her. She was "horrified" and began asking questions and jotting stuff down on her note pad. She's going to look into it. I didn't anticipate him running into her and saying something, but he did, so I guess it is handled now. Of course I'm concerned about backlash and my child being alienated or ostracized.

I'm a black mom and my advice was to go into the classroom the following morning and speak with the teacher directly. That your DH was able to speak directly to the principal was excellent. No emails. Show up. Some things require a face to face. Now, you're hearing from a woman with no Facebook account, so I am a big fan of face-to-face with just about everything. He saw her face, saw how seriously she took it. That matters.

Don't worry about the backlash. Honestly, just don't. That other kid's mom...I can only imagine what she's going to do. It won't be taken lightly. Blame will be placed entirely on the person who spoke the word---not your child, the recipient. Rest easy.

Thank you for this feedback. As a white woman I feel unable to navigate this... which is pretty crappy. We purposely didn't email anything last night because we weren't sure it was the right way to start a communication about what happened.

And yes, the other child's parents - I don't want to assume they wont be concerned or take this seriously. I also realllllyyyyy did not want to approach them myself. We haven't heard back from the principle, but DH assured me that she was taking the incident very seriously.

[Anonymous]

I'm a white mom. When my DD was in 3rd grade, her deskmate (who was also white) wrote the N word on her paper. DD told me. I immediately emailed the teacher to tell her, and it was addressed. At this age, kids often don't know what they're really doing or saying, and the deskmate (whose father was a preacher!) needed to be told that it was bad. DEskmate had to write a note of apology to my DD, which I didn't feel was necessary, but it was clear the classroom teacher (with help from the school counselor) addressed it in a comprehensive way.

[Anonymous]

I'm a PP. The principal is your PAL.

It's the principle of the matter to address the issue.

Two different words: principal is the head of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle a racial slur being made against your elementary aged child if the teacher didn't contact you and your child is upset? This is a white child being called the "N" word by an AA child, he was also called other names. This was in the classroom while the kids were getting ready to sit on the carpet for a story. The child looked right at the other child and called the name - I was careful to determine that my child didn't mishear or hear something that was just being said out loud. It was 100% said to my child.

Do I contact the parents, or the teacher, or go see the principle? Or do none of those and just counsel my child on how we don't say that to people and how it's not okay? My concern is that the other child is saying this to other kids and that kids will pick up on it and it will spread. Also concerned with how upset my child is.

Any thoughts on the best course of action or advice on what you would do in this situation?

I would follow up with the teacher - your DH did not give her a chance to address something that happened in the classroom.

I would also follow up with your child. They are hurtful words no matter who they are said to, and they should not be used.

The teacher had a chance to contact us and warn us about what my child may come home and say and explain the situation/what steps she took. I'm wasn't aware DH was going to approach the principle, but at this point I don't think we will contact the teacher as the principle is already involved.

Did the teacher hear the comments? If not, you can't blame her for not being involved yet.

I'd still send a brief email, noting that he mentioned it to the principal whom he happened to see this morning. That way the teacher doesn't feel like you intentionally went over her head without including her in the initial conversation.

I cannot say whether or not the teacher heard, but my child did tell the teacher what was said. The room they were in was small and the kids were settling onto the carpet so it's possible the teacher was in in-shot, but I really don't know.

I still think you should mention in an email to the teacher (you know, the person you have to deal with ALL YEAR) that Larlo said X to your son, your son told you he told her, and you are concerned that you did not hear from her on what you consider a very serious issue.

You had a problem with how she handled the situation (you aren't giving us a timeline, so did your DH catch the principal the next day, the next week, etc), and you did not give her a chance to address it.

[Anonymous]

PP above -

This happened yesterday at school.

Child told us yesterday evening.

DH spoke to the principal this morning.

We heard back from her a few minutes ago and the boy is telling her that he used the word "gay" - which still bothers me. I know everyone sees their child with rose colored glasses, but of my children, this one is the most honest and least likely to lie, and also hasn't been exposed to the N word as far as I know... not enough to randomly accuse someone of using it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle a racial slur being made against your elementary aged child if the teacher didn't contact you and your child is upset? This is a white child being called the "N" word by an AA child, he was also called other names. This was in the classroom while the kids were getting ready to sit on the carpet for a story. The child looked right at the other child and called the name - I was careful to determine that my child didn't mishear or hear something that was just being said out loud. It was 100% said to my child.

Do I contact the parents, or the teacher, or go see the principle? Or do none of those and just counsel my child on how we don't say that to people and how it's not okay? My concern is that the other child is saying this to other kids and that kids will pick up on it and it will spread. Also concerned with how upset my child is.

Any thoughts on the best course of action or advice on what you would do in this situation?

You should write a brief email directly to the principal, alerting him/ her to investigate the apparent bullying.

this is not apparent bullying! Did it happen once? Repeatedly? It's inappropriate for sure but calling it bullying is over the edge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle a racial slur being made against your elementary aged child if the teacher didn't contact you and your child is upset? This is a white child being called the "N" word by an AA child, he was also called other names. This was in the classroom while the kids were getting ready to sit on the carpet for a story. The child looked right at the other child and called the name - I was careful to determine that my child didn't mishear or hear something that was just being said out loud. It was 100% said to my child.

Do I contact the parents, or the teacher, or go see the principle? Or do none of those and just counsel my child on how we don't say that to people and how it's not okay? My concern is that the other child is saying this to other kids and that kids will pick up on it and it will spread. Also concerned with how upset my child is.

Any thoughts on the best course of action or advice on what you would do in this situation?

You should write a brief email directly to the principal, alerting him/ her to investigate the apparent bullying.

DH just told me he caught the principle in the car pool line and mentioned it to her. She was "horrified" and began asking questions and jotting stuff down on her note pad. She's going to look into it. I didn't anticipate him running into her and saying something, but he did, so I guess it is handled now. Of course I'm concerned about backlash and my child being alienated or ostracized.

I'm a black mom and my advice was to go into the classroom the following morning and speak with the teacher directly. That your DH was able to speak directly to the principal was excellent. No emails. Show up. Some things require a face to face. Now, you're hearing from a woman with no Facebook account, so I am a big fan of face-to-face with just about everything. He saw her face, saw how seriously she took it. That matters.

Don't worry about the backlash. Honestly, just don't. That other kid's mom...I can only imagine what she's going to do. It won't be taken lightly. Blame will be placed entirely on the person who spoke the word---not your child, the recipient. Rest easy.

Thank you for this feedback. As a white woman I feel unable to navigate this... which is pretty crappy. We purposely didn't email anything last night because we weren't sure it was the right way to start a communication about what happened.

And yes, the other child's parents - I don't want to assume they wont be concerned or take this seriously. I also realllllyyyyy did not want to approach them myself. We haven't heard back from the principle, but DH assured me that she was taking the incident very seriously.

what kind of backlash are you anticipating? This is elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP above -

This happened yesterday at school.

Child told us yesterday evening.

DH spoke to the principal this morning.

We heard back from her a few minutes ago and the boy is telling her that he used the word "gay" - which still bothers me. I know everyone sees their child with rose colored glasses, but of my children, this one is the most honest and least likely to lie, and also hasn't been exposed to the N word as far as I know... not enough to randomly accuse someone of using it.

Look, your child has been exposed. You just haven't caught him. I have a 10 year old. Him and his friends have used the word gay. I shut it down. Him and his friends (various races), used the N word. I shut it down. They also talk about which girl is cute in the classroom and who is a butt or breast man. You need to get out of your bubble and realize that you can not shelter your child from everything and everyone. You are not there in the lunch room or at recess. Imagine the playground conversations....Your child is old enough to fight his own battles. Let him speak up to the child. You can not rescue him forever. If your child has never been exposed to this word then why would he be sooooo upset by it?

[Anonymous]

Tell the principal and teacher immediately!

Unfortunately, the recent election is causing an upsurge in the usage of derogatory terms that were muted until now (at least within many diverse, thriving communities).
The kid could have heard it anywhere- a parent, sibling, another kid calling him that, 2 grownups on the street. Many kids are being introduced to these horrible words for the first time.

Schools will very soon realize that they will need to do some serious damage control from the upsurge in racial tension- so we don't poison the minds of another generation of children.

A kid at our neighborhood school said "brown people are going to be slaves again". I wanted to throw up.

Serious damage control is needed soon.

[Anonymous]

I suspect the child has older siblings and is learning these terms without the maturity to use self control.

My child also was called cracker. Also it nigga not nigger.

Teens use these terms.

You should watch Blackish's "the n word" episode.

I would not freak out but I would have told the teacher.