DH is cheating

[Anonymous]

Also, while the adultery MIGHT cast doubt upon his integrity, if you already know about it, nobody would be in a position to use it against him for anything, so it's pretty unlikely it would affect his clearance status. The big thing that affects those is anything that opens you up to bribing, blackmail, or corruption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. I didn't read the OP's post that way...thought she was asking if his security clearance would be affected by adultery. All of this about using it against him is a jump some posters are making themselves.

+1. I read it as a simple inquiry, even possibly something she wanted to avoid doing (affecting his clearance and job).

Yup, I didn't see anywhere that she wanted to use this against him. People love to jump to conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could affect his clearance if you didn't know about it. But you know about it, so most likely not.

But another question is this: is it really in your interest to have him lost his clearance and his job and most likely lose his ability to get re-hired? How will he pay alimony and child support in that case?

On the latter -- I assume that's the concern, right? She probably doesn't want him to get fired.

No, I think the opposite. She is thinking she can use this to get his clearance pulled. Understandably, she's angry and looking to hurt him back, but this will only boomerang on her poorly if she goes that route. If he has no job, she has no child support/alimony/payout.

[Anonymous]

This thread has been quite the exercise in exposing people's mentalities -- people who assume the worst (probably in every interaction in their lives) and people who don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Security clearance could be compromised by adultery

What I would do is use the "threat" of disclosure of adultery to your advantage during divorce negotiations.

Whether you want to disclose and whether disclosure could affect his loss of job (think child support and or alimony) is another story.

Isn't that called extortion?

Seriously. PP sounds like a terrible person.

Right, a woman trying to protect herself and her children asks a question with no indication what her intent is and she's the horrible person. Not her husband who is cheating on her. F off.

[Anonymous]

It is doubtful that it will affect his clearance. My DH had affairs and we later went to marriage counseling. Because that information (mental and health record) was pulled during the security clearance re-investigation, I was actually interviewed by an investigator about my husband's affairs. It had no impact on his clearance. I agree with the others, once it has been disclosed there is less of a chance of blackmail and that is what they are trying to confirm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could affect his clearance if you didn't know about it. But you know about it, so most likely not.

But another question is this: is it really in your interest to have him lost his clearance and his job and most likely lose his ability to get re-hired? How will he pay alimony and child support in that case?

On the latter -- I assume that's the concern, right? She probably doesn't want him to get fired.

No, I think the opposite. She is thinking she can use this to get his clearance pulled. Understandably, she's angry and looking to hurt him back, but this will only boomerang on her poorly if she goes that route. If he has no job, she has no child support/alimony/payout.

That's not understandable at all. What a strange way to think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could affect his clearance if you didn't know about it. But you know about it, so most likely not.

But another question is this: is it really in your interest to have him lost his clearance and his job and most likely lose his ability to get re-hired? How will he pay alimony and child support in that case?

On the latter -- I assume that's the concern, right? She probably doesn't want him to get fired.

No, I think the opposite. She is thinking she can use this to get his clearance pulled. Understandably, she's angry and looking to hurt him back, but this will only boomerang on her poorly if she goes that route. If he has no job, she has no child support/alimony/payout.

That's not understandable at all. What a strange way to think.

You don't think it's understandable that she wants him to hurt like she is? I'm not saying wanting to get his clearance taken is understandable, just the urge to make him hurt for hurting her is.

And to the PPS who think this thread is a Rohrsach test into someone's entire outlook on life... It's not. If you know anything about security clearances you would know that once you have one, you have it, and there isn't like, ongoing monitoring to make sure you stay on the straight and narrow. If she's asking could he lose it if they knew, that implies she is thinking about letting someone know. They're simply not going to dig it up or become aware of it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Security clearance could be compromised by adultery

What I would do is use the "threat" of disclosure of adultery to your advantage during divorce negotiations.

Whether you want to disclose and whether disclosure could affect his loss of job (think child support and or alimony) is another story.

Isn't that called extortion?

Nope...it's called leverage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is doubtful that it will affect his clearance. My DH had affairs and we later went to marriage counseling. Because that information (mental and health record) was pulled during the security clearance re-investigation, I was actually interviewed by an investigator about my husband's affairs. It had no impact on his clearance. I agree with the others, once it has been disclosed there is less of a chance of blackmail and that is what they are trying to confirm.

For the OP, I agree with others that adultery alone will not impact security clearance and doesn't make a difference in regular divorce proceedings.

I would qualify that by saying if your DH is military, then adultery could be a professional problem depending on the circumstances. If your DH is military and is having an affair in his chain of command, then there could be problems for him professionally. Even though adultery has long been an offense in the military, it has usually been one that is not prosecuted. That is changing, and the military is increasingly unwilling and unable to look the other way on this issue

[Anonymous]

The husband's exposure to bribery still exists if the wife knows he is cheating, but he does not know she knows. If I am correct in understanding the OP, she knows about her husband's infidelity and has proof, but he does not know that she knows about it. He remains subject to extortion because he may be willing to take actions to prevent her from finding out about his indiscretions, even though she in fact already knows. I would tread lightly here, and he'd you were lawyers advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. I didn't read the OP's post that way...thought she was asking if his security clearance would be affected by adultery. All of this about using it against him is a jump some posters are making themselves.

+1. I read it as a simple inquiry, even possibly something she wanted to avoid doing (affecting his clearance and job).

This. My husband cheated on me and we divorced. I don't want his job to be jeopardized at all. If he had security clearance I might ask the same questions OP is.

[Anonymous]

OP here: vengeance is not a motivation for the reasons that have been enumerated quite apart from it being a destructive emotion which would adversely impact me. But if adultery and its potential impact on security clearance is a factor, then it would offer negotiating leverage. I would be guided by my attorney with regard to how to proceed.

The two things I would add is that while jeopardizing a job because of adultery would be counterproductive when it comes to child support and possibly spousal support, the consequences on my husband would be significant if he lost his job. He would lose his livelihood and it may impact his ability to get another job in the future where security clearance is a prerequisite. Also, the sustainability of his relationship with the woman with whom he is having an affair may be impacted if he is unemployed.

He is not aware that I know about his infidelity. Anyone who has been in this situation would understand the sheer disgust one feels interacting with someone everyday who pretends that he has been faithful to his vows and does not know that I am fully aware of his affair which is ongoing.

[Anonymous]

It won't affect his clearance. My Ap has a clearance. He told the investigators and got a higher clearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: vengeance is not a motivation for the reasons that have been enumerated quite apart from it being a destructive emotion which would adversely impact me. But if adultery and its potential impact on security clearance is a factor, then it would offer negotiating leverage. I would be guided by my attorney with regard to how to proceed.

The two things I would add is that while jeopardizing a job because of adultery would be counterproductive when it comes to child support and possibly spousal support, the consequences on my husband would be significant if he lost his job. He would lose his livelihood and it may impact his ability to get another job in the future where security clearance is a prerequisite. Also, the sustainability of his relationship with the woman with whom he is having an affair may be impacted if he is unemployed.

He is not aware that I know about his infidelity. Anyone who has been in this situation would understand the sheer disgust one feels interacting with someone everyday who pretends that he has been faithful to his vows and does not know that I am fully aware of his affair which is ongoing.

I am in a similar situation (i.e. ex-husband engaged in multiple affairs and is now undergoing security review). Aside from the issue of me wanting him to continue to be employed so that he can continue to pay child support., there is the issue of what should be prepared to say when approached during a background check for someone else's clearance. While I have an interest in my ex maintaining his clearance, there is no way in Hell I am going to lie to a federal investigative authority in an interview. That jeopardizes me. Not to mention all the mental trauma that would trigger to have to think about it all again.

OP, FWIW, I understand your disgust and advise you to keep your cool. I thought that I should be honest with my DH that I had found out about his affair. I should have kept quite, documented everything, considered very carefully what kind of custody and child support I wanted and then only moved to confront and serve papers when I had all my ducks lined up. My children and I have suffered tremendously for my honesty.

Do what you need to do and remember he has manipulating you for ages. You owe him nothing and should do nothing for him that doesn't serve your own interests and that of your kids first.