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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here: vengeance is not a motivation for the reasons that have been enumerated quite apart from it being a destructive emotion which would adversely impact me. But if adultery and its potential impact on security clearance is a factor, then it would offer negotiating leverage. I would be guided by my attorney with regard to how to proceed.

The two things I would add is that while jeopardizing a job because of adultery would be counterproductive when it comes to child support and possibly spousal support, the consequences on my husband would be significant if he lost his job. He would lose his livelihood and it may impact his ability to get another job in the future where security clearance is a prerequisite. Also, the sustainability of his relationship with the woman with whom he is having an affair may be impacted if he is unemployed.

He is not aware that I know about his infidelity. Anyone who has been in this situation would understand the sheer disgust one feels interacting with someone everyday who pretends that he has been faithful to his vows and does not know that I am fully aware of his affair which is ongoing.

[/quote]

I am in a similar situation (i.e. ex-husband engaged in multiple affairs and is now undergoing security review).  Aside from the issue of me wanting him to continue to be employed so that he can continue to pay child support., there is the issue of what should be prepared to say when approached during a background check for someone else's clearance.  While I have an interest in my ex maintaining his clearance, there is no way in Hell I am going to lie to a federal investigative authority  in an interview.  That jeopardizes me.  Not to mention all the mental trauma that would trigger to have to think about it all again.

OP, FWIW, I understand your disgust and advise you to keep your cool. I thought that I should be honest with my DH that I had found out about his affair.  I should have kept quite, documented everything, considered very carefully what kind of custody and child support I wanted and then only moved to confront and serve papers when I had all my ducks lined up.  My children and I have suffered tremendously for my honesty.

Do what you need to do and remember he has manipulating you for ages. You owe him nothing and should do nothing for him that doesn't serve your own interests and that of your kids first.  [/quote]

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