DH is cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could affect his clearance if you didn't know about it. But you know about it, so most likely not.

But another question is this: is it really in your interest to have him lost his clearance and his job and most likely lose his ability to get re-hired? How will he pay alimony and child support in that case?

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: vengeance is not a motivation for the reasons that have been enumerated quite apart from it being a destructive emotion which would adversely impact me. But if adultery and its potential impact on security clearance is a factor, then it would offer negotiating leverage. I would be guided by my attorney with regard to how to proceed.

The two things I would add is that while jeopardizing a job because of adultery would be counterproductive when it comes to child support and possibly spousal support, the consequences on my husband would be significant if he lost his job. He would lose his livelihood and it may impact his ability to get another job in the future where security clearance is a prerequisite. Also, the sustainability of his relationship with the woman with whom he is having an affair may be impacted if he is unemployed.

He is not aware that I know about his infidelity. Anyone who has been in this situation would understand the sheer disgust one feels interacting with someone everyday who pretends that he has been faithful to his vows and does not know that I am fully aware of his affair which is ongoing.

So basically, you don't want to threaten his clearance or job, you just want to scare him into thinking you will so you can get more money.

That's still vengeance/extortion.

[Anonymous]

Quite honestly, affairs are a low priority for clearance investigators. I've never heard of a "normal person" - i.e. not a more egregious Petraeus-type situation where information security was also threatened - losing a clearance over an affair.

I would think carefully about doing anything to affect his job security, no matter how much you want revenge. Take the high road.

[Anonymous]

If your husband has even half a brain, he's not going to fall for what you think is a clever scheme to use his affair as leverage to affect his employment potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quite honestly, affairs are a low priority for clearance investigators. I've never heard of a "normal person" - i.e. not a more egregious Petraeus-type situation where information security was also threatened - losing a clearance over an affair.

I would think carefully about doing anything to affect his job security, no matter how much you want revenge. Take the high road.

+1. Affairs are a dime a dozen, and if they were an important consideration for clearances, there would be a serious shortage of workers with ability to get a clearance.