I don't want to go on vacation with my husband

[Anonymous]

OP there is never a good time to leave for vacation. Work will alway be busy and it will go on without you. The kids will be fine at the grandparents. Think if the roles were reversed, he was not interest in sex with you, you have a vacation coming up and he bags. How would you feel? You need to get out of your funk. This vacation may be what you need. If you don't want to have sex or spend time with him you need to come to terms with this. Maybe take a weekend and get away from everyone and see what how you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get your sex life going. He has said he needs to reconnect with you. Men don't feel connected without sex. Someone has to make the first move. Sounds like your marriage is teetering on disaster. What about sex before you leave to take the awkwardness away?

I agree your husband sounds unthoughtful, he should be a man and take initaitive

Here is someone who gets it, thank you for posting this. As a man, I can see where he's coming from and if your dead sex life and constant rebuking of his advances has him trying to find a way to reignite that spark[b]. He should take more initiative, but I can tell you his motivation factor feels low because it seems like you've checked out physically and now emotionally.

You have two option, try to reconnect somehow and see if you're still in this marriage- or get out and let him find someone who would love to go on trips with him.

OP here. He does not make advances so there are none to rebuke. He's not particularly high drive, so it's not like he's been begging me for it and I've declined. It has just slipped by the wayside. There are other aspects to him that have decreased my desire for him on the physical and mental side. We did do some counseling last year but had to stop when DH had a medical issue. Neither of us really believe in divorce except in the case of adultery/abuse/addiction and I'm sure the grass isn't always greener. He knows he has a good partner in me and is too protective over our collective accounts to part with any of it over a divorce.

I have told him that all I want from him is to show some thoughtfulness. He has never planned a date although I've told him it would be lovely if he did. He just waits until it's the 9th hour and asks me to do it. Then it's a chore for me and not something to look forward to. Romance is not really in his vocabulary. He likes to be shown that I'm thinking about him/doing nice things for him but it doesn't really occur to him to reciprocate. There's always been a twinge of this, but it has gotten worse. Once he had me he pretty much stopped trying.

We do have fun together when we're around other people in social situations.

[Anonymous]

The resentment you feel about the vacation planing etc is really resentment of your life. You need a mental break and that is why you have vacations. All spouses do thing that piss off or cause resentment(you do it to him)...its because everyone is human. Now you can continue you to blame him for you unhappiness or you can make some changes to your life? How old are you?

[Anonymous]

"Honey, I love you and am excited to finally get away with you for some alone time. I feel like we've been in a rut, and I know this is a hard conversation to have, but I want to take ten minutes and discuss 'us' before we go. No blaming and no defensiveness, just honesty. Hopefully this way we can put some awkwardness and resentments to rest so we can truly enjoy each other."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get your sex life going. He has said he needs to reconnect with you. Men don't feel connected without sex. Someone has to make the first move. Sounds like your marriage is teetering on disaster. What about sex before you leave to take the awkwardness away?

I agree your husband sounds unthoughtful, he should be a man and take initaitive

Here is someone who gets it, thank you for posting this. As a man, I can see where he's coming from and if your dead sex life and constant rebuking of his advances has him trying to find a way to reignite that spark. He should take more initiative, but I can tell you his motivation factor feels low because it seems like you've checked out physically and now emotionally.

You have two option, try to reconnect somehow and see if you're still in this marriage- or get out and let him find someone who would love to go on trips with him.

Fixed the ending....

You have two option, try to reconnect somehow and see if you're still in this marriage- or get out and find someone who is not a child, who can plan a trip for your anniversary and you would love to go on trips with.

Fixed the ending for you...

Find someone else(if you can at your age with kids) and put your children through hell, wreck your financial life because you feel like it's up to everyone else you make you happy.

Fixed the ending for you...

You don't need a man to be happy, put your children first, downsize so you are not financially beholden to a man who can't even plan a vacations for his 15th wedding anniversary. Your life will be so much easier and happier without another child in your life.

Talk about woman child look at your statement. Oh 15 years and I am pissed because he did not give me a gift I like. I bet OP never let him plan a vacation because she is a control freak. Any trip the DH planned would be picked apart and made into an insult. OP please divorce and do not remarry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get your sex life going. He has said he needs to reconnect with you. Men don't feel connected without sex. Someone has to make the first move. Sounds like your marriage is teetering on disaster. What about sex before you leave to take the awkwardness away?

I agree your husband sounds unthoughtful, he should be a man and take initaitive

Here is someone who gets it, thank you for posting this. As a man, I can see where he's coming from and if your dead sex life and constant rebuking of his advances has him trying to find a way to reignite that spark. He should take more initiative, but I can tell you his motivation factor feels low because it seems like you've checked out physically and now emotionally.

You have two option, try to reconnect somehow and see if you're still in this marriage- or get out and let him find someone who would love to go on trips with him.

Fixed the ending....

You have two option, try to reconnect somehow and see if you're still in this marriage- or get out and find someone who is not a child, who can plan a trip for your anniversary and you would love to go on trips with.

Fixed the ending for you...

Find someone else(if you can at your age with kids) and put your children through hell, wreck your financial life because you feel like it's up to everyone else you make you happy.

Fixed the ending for you...

You don't need a man to be happy, put your children first, downsize so you are not financially beholden to a man who can't even plan a vacations for his 15th wedding anniversary. Your life will be so much easier and happier without another child in your life.

Talk about woman child look at your statement. Oh 15 years and I am pissed because he did not give me a gift I like. I bet OP never let him plan a vacation because she is a control freak. Any trip the DH planned would be picked apart and made into an insult. OP please divorce and do not remarry.

Well, giving OP a gift that he likes (having OP plan a vacation) isn't really giving a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get your sex life going. He has said he needs to reconnect with you. Men don't feel connected without sex. Someone has to make the first move. Sounds like your marriage is teetering on disaster. What about sex before you leave to take the awkwardness away?

I agree your husband sounds unthoughtful, he should be a man and take initaitive

Here is someone who gets it, thank you for posting this. As a man, I can see where he's coming from and if your dead sex life and constant rebuking of his advances has him trying to find a way to reignite that spark[b]. He should take more initiative, but I can tell you his motivation factor feels low because it seems like you've checked out physically and now emotionally.

You have two option, try to reconnect somehow and see if you're still in this marriage- or get out and let him find someone who would love to go on trips with him.

OP here. He does not make advances so there are none to rebuke. He's not particularly high drive, so it's not like he's been begging me for it and I've declined. It has just slipped by the wayside. There are other aspects to him that have decreased my desire for him on the physical and mental side. We did do some counseling last year but had to stop when DH had a medical issue. Neither of us really believe in divorce except in the case of adultery/abuse/addiction and I'm sure the grass isn't always greener. He knows he has a good partner in me and is too protective over our collective accounts to part with any of it over a divorce.

I have told him that all I want from him is to show some thoughtfulness. He has never planned a date although I've told him it would be lovely if he did. He just waits until it's the 9th hour and asks me to do it. Then it's a chore for me and not something to look forward to. Romance is not really in his vocabulary. He likes to be shown that I'm thinking about him/doing nice things for him but it doesn't really occur to him to reciprocate. There's always been a twinge of this, but it has gotten worse. Once he had me he pretty much stopped trying.

We do have fun together when we're around other people in social situations.

You sound pretty perfect OP. You need to find someone who will treat you right. I mean you sound very exciting, simulating...a real sex bomb! Sorry you have to put up with this clown. This boring married life is not for you. A person like you deserves more from life vs what your DH can give you. Remember as a woman you need to be constantly entertained and wooed. You do not have to do the same.

[Anonymous]

In life there are givers and takers. It sounds like you're a giver and he's a taker.

[Anonymous]

I had a medical issue a few years ago and the neurologist turned to my H and said.

1. She needs to sleep 8 hours a night.
2. You need to cook dinner and do homework with the kids.
3. She needs to go for a walk every evening.

Come back in 2 months and let me know how it is going.

My H said, "I need to do that for 2 months?"

Neurologist, "She has been doing it for 13 years, can you do it for 2 months."

So my H did, and magically my neurological issues cleared up. My neurologist said that he sees multiple 40+ yo women with major medical issues, due to lack of sleep and simply doing too much. (I never thought I was doing too much, I actually enjoy keeping busy.)

After the 2 months, things went back to normal, I started having health problems again.

Long story short, my H now realizes 2 years after that experience that being fully engaged is more important than anything else.

I hope it does not take a health crisis to come to the conclusion for you and your H.

You will not "connect" over a 4 day vacation. It's silly to even think that will reboot your relationship.

What is crazy is my H feels more "connected" now that he is fully engaged in the family.

[Anonymous]

I can imagine the counseling session prior to divorce: what happened last time you tried to connect? Answer: I got caught up in some petty bullshit about who planned the vacation.

Does that sound as silly and stupid to you as it does to me ? Remember when everyone said marriage was hard? Well, this is what they meant. Sometimes you have to pull more than your share. Don't fret about work or a better spot - those things will always be there. Husbands not so much.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a sad life.

[Anonymous]

What about just saying "I'm going to have my period on our planned vacation. It's a bummer. Do you want to postpone the trip?"
I think you should at least warn him about that, so he's not expecting a honeymoon type trip.

[Anonymous]

My ExH was like this. It was like I was his mother, having to do everything for him, he couldn't do anything for himself. He relied on me 100% for everything except for his going to work (usually)

Within the past year, he needed me to help him plan his vacation with his girlfriend, because, "You always did all this stuff for me, I don't know how to do it". We are still friends, so it's not as weird as it sounds, and his girlfriend was very appreciative of the help, but still. Men like that don't change. They've been enabled too long. You better do a 180 and change the dynamics, or accept having a "partner" who doesn't pull their own weight in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

I can see why you are not excited about this trip, but don't blame him too much.

[Anonymous]

I am so baffled at so many people blaming her for how she feels in her marriage. It sounds on sided! She sounds like she wants her husband to do more and be more thoughtful. Please tell me what is wrong with that? Marriage is suppose to be Give and Take, not take, take take and take some more.
This woman is suffering! I know exactly how she feels and it is not a great position to be in. Trust Me.