Does anyone have an average child?

[Anonymous]

My 3 kids are average. Pretty much all their friends except for 1 or 2 (this is in NWDC) are average.

[Anonymous]

tyler cowen - 'average is over'.

read it people.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious - all the phd/advanced degree parents that are writing about their average kids - are grandma/grandpa average or greatgrandma/greatgrandpa? how about uncles/aunts?

It could be that you the parents are the odd ones that 'spiked' in your family but your kids are just regressing to the mean of your broader family.

[Anonymous]

My older child is pretty average academically. I agree with what you are saying, that basically everyone says their child is either gifted or special needs. Unfortunately in the affluent, overparenting community I am familiar with, any child who is not performing as "gifted" is then subjected to a series of tutors, psychological assessments, and medications until they do perform as gifted. "Average" has become a problem requiring a medical diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

It could be that you the parents are the odd ones that 'spiked' in your family but your kids are just regressing to the mean of your broader family.

Oh. Another way to get in an insult.

[Anonymous]

My older child is pretty average academically. I agree with what you are saying, that basically everyone says their child is either gifted or special needs. Unfortunately in the affluent, overparenting community I am familiar with, any child who is not performing as "gifted" is then subjected to a series of tutors, psychological assessments, and medications until they do perform as gifted. "Average" has become a problem requiring a medical diagnosis.

Great post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is in first grade... He is still coloring and singing songs in school. Check back come later in elementary school.

That's all true - but you don't think there are kids who are advanced at this age? And parents who make sure you know about it? Its easy to feel like you are failing somehow these days if your kid isn't reading 10 levels ahead.....

For me it's a little different. There's so much pressure for the kids to be perfect in every way behaviorally in our area and my kid is not. DC is "average" in terms of behavior, has no diagnosis and there's no reason to do meds but I feel like crap looking around at all the kids who seem to be able to sit perfectly still in 1st grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is in first grade... He is still coloring and singing songs in school. Check back come later in elementary school.

That's all true - but you don't think there are kids who are advanced at this age? And parents who make sure you know about it? Its easy to feel like you are failing somehow these days if your kid isn't reading 10 levels ahead.....

True but unless the kid is truly exceptional, first grade performance does not necessarily predict the future. I was a lousy student in first grade. My parents started tutoring me in math because I was falling behind. I was almost held back a grade. By eighth grade I was a good but not great student. After I turned 14 my brain clicked into gear and I was a stellar high school student, valedictorian, went to HYP undergrad and law school, yadda yadda. No one could have predicted that in first grade.

And ... I went to school with plenty of kids who were not academic superstars but who were just really nice kids and I'm sure are doing great today by whatever metric you use. They are probably happier than a lot of the so-called gifted students. (I was not even labeled gifted, by the way, since I did not start scoring well on tests until close to high school.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your child is in first grade... He is still coloring and singing songs in school. Check back come later in elementary school.

That's all true - but you don't think there are kids who are advanced at this age? And parents who make sure you know about it? Its easy to feel like you are failing somehow these days if your kid isn't reading 10 levels ahead.....

True but unless the kid is truly exceptional, first grade performance does not necessarily predict the future. I was a lousy student in first grade. My parents started tutoring me in math because I was falling behind. I was almost held back a grade. By eighth grade I was a good but not great student. After I turned 14 my brain clicked into gear and I was a stellar high school student, valedictorian, went to HYP undergrad and law school, yadda yadda. No one could have predicted that in first grade.

And ... I went to school with plenty of kids who were not academic superstars but who were just really nice kids and I'm sure are doing great today by whatever metric you use. They are probably happier than a lot of the so-called gifted students. (I was not even labeled gifted, by the way, since I did not start scoring well on tests until close to high school.)

For my brother it was college. He barely made it to the big state u, but once there, straight As. Ivy league law and now a career that cowers me by a mile, though I won all the academic accolades growing up (I'm fine and happy and certainly don't want to work 90- hour weeks though woudl love to make a tenth of his salary)

[Anonymous]

There's still a lot of brain development happening after 1st grade. Average now does not necessarily mean average later- same for gifted, and even to some extent special needs.

My DS hits both ends of the bell curve (gifted/special needs)- no overparenting here-- it just takes a lot to get him to meet basic responsibilities.

An average kid, with good social skills and a willingness and ability to work hard and take instruction would seem like a dream sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's still a lot of brain development happening after 1st grade. Average now does not necessarily mean average later- same for gifted, and even to some extent special needs.

My DS hits both ends of the bell curve (gifted/special needs)- no overparenting here-- it just takes a lot to get him to meet basic responsibilities.

An average kid, with good social skills and a willingness and ability to work hard and take instruction would seem like a dream sometimes.

Yeah, people keep talking about these great social skills. My kid doesn't have those either. He's average in that area too. He's actually pretty shy, although he always has one close friend. But he's not good in groups. And he doesn't work really hard either. He just does what he has to do and that's it. I'm not worried about his future, though. I'm more bothered by the fact that it sometimes seems like all the kids around us are excelling, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be doing something that I'm not doing. I've been just sort of leaving him alone as long as he isn't totally bombing in any one area.

[Anonymous]

my rising first grader can't read. he pick his nose and eats his boogers. he's got two parents with advanced degrees. It's gonna be OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my rising first grader can't read. he pick his nose and eats his boogers. he's got two parents with advanced degrees. It's gonna be OK.

Same here. Two parents with advanced degrees. On my husband's side, his parents also have advanced degrees. All three kids are average so far. I'm sure they'll do fine later. They are 5, 5 and 7.

[Anonymous]

My 1st grader seems to be average academically. She's a young first grader and isn't reading chapter books. She does the level books and I still read her picture books. We don't do much with math. But she likes school and gets along with her classmates. She's enthusiastic and always shouts a cheery "bye!" to teachers and schoolmates at the end of the day. She's athletic and funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the phd/advanced degree parents that are writing about their average kids - are grandma/grandpa average or greatgrandma/greatgrandpa? how about uncles/aunts?

It could be that you the parents are the odd ones that 'spiked' in your family but your kids are just regressing to the mean of your broader family.

It is also possible that the parents with advanced degrees aren't all that snart. There are plenty of people out there with advanced degrees who are fairly average when in comes to innate intellect but well above average when it comes to ambition &/or opportunity.