If you are gay, how often can you tell someone else is gay within the first minute of meeting them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bi woman, am generally "out" but married to a man so it doesn't come up much, and can tell people are gay pretty much immediately. Amazing how many married women seem to be lesbian!

Curious, if you're bi and married to a man, why are you assuming they are not bi as well?

I don't get the bi vibe - I get the straight up lesbian vibe. But of course I could be wrong, and it's hard to verify in a situation like that (obviously).

You are super-judmental. And you're wrong. I'm very dyke-y and straight as can be. I get hit on quite a bit by bi-women who are attracted to the dyke thing. Actual lesbians never hit on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's easy to recognize those who exhibit traits of "gayness."

But I'm also constantly surprised at finding out who actually is gay. There seems to be quite a few "normal" people that are homosexuals (before anyone gets upset at my terminology I'm trying to keep the language as simple and brief as possible).

My question for those who claim to have an excellent gaydar, how can you tell if another person is gay after a few minutes? What are the clues? I'm not talking about flamboyant or butch behavior but people who dress, talk, walk "normally." What "gives them away" in your eyes?

Gay bar culture has an accent. You can hear it.

Gay guys and lesbians both have clothing fashions that can be a little different than straight people.

They go to certain vacation spots. They come in on the Monday after Pride weekend with a sunburn and a hangover.

They check out the male RN or doctor, but not the female one. (Or vice versa). They live with a "room-mate" of the same sex and don't date.

They have stereotypical hobbies.

It mostly doesn't matter anymore, though. Most people don't stay in the closet for long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's easy to recognize those who exhibit traits of "gayness."

But I'm also constantly surprised at finding out who actually is gay. There seems to be quite a few "normal" people that are homosexuals (before anyone gets upset at my terminology I'm trying to keep the language as simple and brief as possible).

My question for those who claim to have an excellent gaydar, how can you tell if another person is gay after a few minutes? What are the clues? I'm not talking about flamboyant or butch behavior but people who dress, talk, walk "normally." What "gives them away" in your eyes?

Gay bar culture has an accent. You can hear it.

Gay guys and lesbians both have clothing fashions that can be a little different than straight people.

They go to certain vacation spots. They come in on the Monday after Pride weekend with a sunburn and a hangover.

They check out the male RN or doctor, but not the female one. (Or vice versa). They live with a "room-mate" of the same sex and don't date.

They have stereotypical hobbies.

It mostly doesn't matter anymore, though. Most people don't stay in the closet for long.

Thanks for describing how to recognize the stereotypical gays and not how to recognize anyone else, which is what PP asked.

[Anonymous]

The thing with all of these is "I'm right when I can verify" - WELL SURE. That is along the same line as hindsight. For those you can't verify and claim to be straight - you'll never know, so who knows how accurate you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bi woman, am generally "out" but married to a man so it doesn't come up much, and can tell people are gay pretty much immediately. Amazing how many married women seem to be lesbian!

Curious, if you're bi and married to a man, why are you assuming they are not bi as well?

I don't get the bi vibe - I get the straight up lesbian vibe. But of course I could be wrong, and it's hard to verify in a situation like that (obviously).

You are super-judmental. And you're wrong. I'm very dyke-y and straight as can be. I get hit on quite a bit by bi-women who are attracted to the dyke thing. Actual lesbians never hit on me.

I'm not judgemental (??) it's something I notice. FYI I've encountered "dyke-y" straight women and know they're straight. You're silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's easy to recognize those who exhibit traits of "gayness."

But I'm also constantly surprised at finding out who actually is gay. There seems to be quite a few "normal" people that are homosexuals (before anyone gets upset at my terminology I'm trying to keep the language as simple and brief as possible).

My question for those who claim to have an excellent gaydar, how can you tell if another person is gay after a few minutes? What are the clues? I'm not talking about flamboyant or butch behavior but people who dress, talk, walk "normally." What "gives them away" in your eyes?

I have an older colleague (70s) who is gay, but I didn't realize for a long time. Gradually, after I'd been working with him for a couple years, I realized that he had never mentioned a wife or kids and lived with a male "roommate" (I still don't know if the roommate is really roommate or is a partner). It was the roommate thing that made me wonder. But he never exhibited any trace of behavior that I am used to thinking of as gay in younger men -- speech patterns, clothes, whatever. A couple years later he casually mentioned that he had attended some gay lunch group meeting at work -- a meeting at which I knew all the other attendees were openly gay. So for me that pretty much confirmed he is gay. But we've never discussed it; it doesn't matter to me. We've occasionally talked about political things like gay marriage, for which he is in favor, but he has never in my hearing expressed any personal experience that would inform his opinion. I am a straight woman, mid-30s, if that matters.

[Anonymous]

How can you give a reliable percentage if the people you perceive as homosexual don't let on they're gay?

Sorry, I'm not buying this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How can you give a reliable percentage if the people you perceive as homosexual don't let on they're gay?

Sorry, I'm not buying this.

NP here, bi woman. I agree you can't give a percentage, because of confirmation bias. There are people you get a vibe from but you never have a chance to find out for sure. And then there are people who you wouldn't know are gay if they didn't tell you.

I agree, though, that when I do pick up a vibe, it's more likely than not that the person is gay or bi. With other women, it's very subtle, about how you meet eyes just a hair longer and more intently than straight women look at other women. With gay and bi men, there are a million little cues that might be present, along with a way they look at other men that you may notice, if you're observant.

That said, we've all known people we'd swear are gay/bi, but they swear they're not, and they don't seem to have any agenda, so of course you accept how they define themselves. Same with people who seem totally straight, and then you find out they're completely gay, not even bi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How can you give a reliable percentage if the people you perceive as homosexual don't let on they're gay?

Sorry, I'm not buying this.

NP here, bi woman. I agree you can't give a percentage, because of confirmation bias. There are people you get a vibe from but you never have a chance to find out for sure. And then there are people who you wouldn't know are gay if they didn't tell you.

I agree, though, that when I do pick up a vibe, it's more likely than not that the person is gay or bi. With other women, it's very subtle, about how you meet eyes just a hair longer and more intently than straight women look at other women. With gay and bi men, there are a million little cues that might be present, along with a way they look at other men that you may notice, if you're observant.

That said, we've all known people we'd swear are gay/bi, but they swear they're not, and they don't seem to have any agenda, so of course you accept how they define themselves. Same with people who seem totally straight, and then you find out they're completely gay, not even bi.

Thank you, that feels like an honest assessment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bi woman, am generally "out" but married to a man so it doesn't come up much, and can tell people are gay pretty much immediately. Amazing how many married women seem to be lesbian!

Curious, if you're bi and married to a man, why are you assuming they are not bi as well?

I don't get the bi vibe - I get the straight up lesbian vibe. But of course I could be wrong, and it's hard to verify in a situation like that (obviously).

You are super-judmental. And you're wrong. I'm very dyke-y and straight as can be. I get hit on quite a bit by bi-women who are attracted to the dyke thing. Actual lesbians never hit on me.

I'm not judgemental (??) it's something I notice. FYI I've encountered "dyke-y" straight women and know they're straight. You're silly.

You sound very full of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I'm a bisexual man in a relationship with a man. I usually know someone is gay right away. Most gay men have a sort of "Valley Girl" accent; most lesbians I can tell by their hairdo or clothing choices. Sure, these are stereotypes, but they're mostly true.

Bisexuals, I never know. Likewise, people (even gay people) never know I'm bisexual until I tell them, and they're usually surprised to find out.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? 17? Still in high school?

As a gay male in my 30s I can only say you'd be surprised by who's gay and who isn't.

Go to a popular sauna or bathhouse. It'll be a real eye opener because they attract many gay men who you'll never see at a gay bar or club.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bisexual man in a relationship with a man. I usually know someone is gay right away. Most gay men have a sort of "Valley Girl" accent; most lesbians I can tell by their hairdo or clothing choices. Sure, these are stereotypes, but they're mostly true.

Bisexuals, I never know. Likewise, people (even gay people) never know I'm bisexual until I tell them, and they're usually surprised to find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? 17? Still in high school?

As a gay male in my 30s I can only say you'd be surprised by who's gay and who isn't.

Go to a popular sauna or bathhouse. It'll be a real eye opener because they attract many gay men who you'll never see at a gay bar or club.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bisexual man in a relationship with a man. I usually know someone is gay right away. Most gay men have a sort of "Valley Girl" accent; most lesbians I can tell by their hairdo or clothing choices. Sure, these are stereotypes, but they're mostly true.

Bisexuals, I never know. Likewise, people (even gay people) never know I'm bisexual until I tell them, and they're usually surprised to find out.

+1 Obviously PP means they can tell who is stereotypically gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? 17? Still in high school?

As a gay male in my 30s I can only say you'd be surprised by who's gay and who isn't.

Go to a popular sauna or bathhouse. It'll be a real eye opener because they attract many gay men who you'll never see at a gay bar or club.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a bisexual man in a relationship with a man. I usually know someone is gay right away. Most gay men have a sort of "Valley Girl" accent; most lesbians I can tell by their hairdo or clothing choices. Sure, these are stereotypes, but they're mostly true.

Bisexuals, I never know. Likewise, people (even gay people) never know I'm bisexual until I tell them, and they're usually surprised to find out.

+1 Obviously PP means they can tell who is stereotypically gay.

Glad some people mentioned this. I am a gay male and except for family members, nobody knows I am gay and it is none of their business. I get tired of the gay stereotypes. Do not have a lisp, no nothing about interior decorating, and do not have women friends I go shopping with. I am a man who happens to be attracted to other men. It is not the definition of my life.

[Anonymous]

I can pick out non-stereotypical lesbians and bi women. It's something in the eye contact, a knowing, a recognition, an almost mysterious form of communication.
Or maybe it's just attraction, I don't know. I'm a bi woman.