what's the easiest way to adopt a healthy older child?

[Anonymous]

JCAN doesn't tend to get a lot of healthy (physical/mental/emotional) kids. And Barker is pretty clear you need to be open to ages 10+

[Anonymous]

from foster care- seriously. I say this as a foster parent and one who has adopted from foster care. I really don't understand why people go oversees for older child adoptions. The children from oversees are not 'less damaged.' You just get less information about them, less support going forward, and spend a whole lot more money.
A disturbing number of older child oversees adoptions disrupt. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/s_disrup.pdf
Statistically, the most successful older child adoptions are when children are adopted by their foster parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:from foster care- seriously. I say this as a foster parent and one who has adopted from foster care. I really don't understand why people go oversees for older child adoptions. The children from oversees are not 'less damaged.' You just get less information about them, less support going forward, and spend a whole lot more money.
A disturbing number of older child oversees adoptions disrupt. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/s_disrup.pdf
Statistically, the most successful older child adoptions are when children are adopted by their foster parents.

As an adoptive parent, you should really be one of the least judgmental people about how others choose to form their families.

Signed,

An international adoptee who also adopted from "oversees."

[Anonymous]

Check with any lawyer who specializes in adoption. There are HUGE binders filled with photos of special needs kids looking for an adoptive family.

[Anonymous]

from foster care- seriously. I say this as a foster parent and one who has adopted from foster care. I really don't understand why people go oversees for older child adoptions. The children from oversees are not 'less damaged.' You just get less information about them, less support going forward, and spend a whole lot more money.
A disturbing number of older child oversees adoptions disrupt. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/s_disrup.pdf
Statistically, the most successful older child adoptions are when children are adopted by their foster parents.

While I agree with some of the observations above, we went overseas for older child adoption because we did not want to be whipsawed by a US foster care system that emphasizes the ideal of family reunification over the best interests of the child. I did not want to have to constantly worry about interference from an unstable, substance-abusing biological parent. With our international adoption, we have been able to maintain contact with biological family members who love our kids but did not have the resources (financial or health-wise) to raise them, while at the same time NOT having to have any contact with the biological parents who neglected and abandoned them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:from foster care- seriously. I say this as a foster parent and one who has adopted from foster care. I really don't understand why people go oversees for older child adoptions. The children from oversees are not 'less damaged.' You just get less information about them, less support going forward, and spend a whole lot more money.
A disturbing number of older child oversees adoptions disrupt. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/s_disrup.pdf
Statistically, the most successful older child adoptions are when children are adopted by their foster parents.

As an adoptive parent, you should really be one of the least judgmental people about how others choose to form their families.

Signed,

An international adoptee who also adopted from "oversees."

She doesn't sound like she is judging you (or anyone else) - she is genuinely pondering why so many children remain in care in this country, when they are available for adoption. I'd say that was a fair question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

from foster care- seriously. I say this as a foster parent and one who has adopted from foster care. I really don't understand why people go oversees for older child adoptions. The children from oversees are not 'less damaged.' You just get less information about them, less support going forward, and spend a whole lot more money.
A disturbing number of older child oversees adoptions disrupt. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/s_disrup.pdf
Statistically, the most successful older child adoptions are when children are adopted by their foster parents.

While I agree with some of the observations above, we went overseas for older child adoption because we did not want to be whipsawed by a US foster care system that emphasizes the ideal of family reunification over the best interests of the child. I did not want to have to constantly worry about interference from an unstable, substance-abusing biological parent. With our international adoption, we have been able to maintain contact with biological family members who love our kids but did not have the resources (financial or health-wise) to raise them, while at the same time NOT having to have any contact with the biological parents who neglected and abandoned them.

Wow. Can't remember the last time I was more disgusted with a post. Truly.

[Anonymous]

What I am disgusted by is a system that prioritizes the rights of substance abusing and neglectful parents over helpless children. Kids need love and stability. A foster care system that shifts kids from neglectful bio parent, to care, back to bio parent and then to care is a failure for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I am disgusted by is a system that prioritizes the rights of substance abusing and neglectful parents over helpless children. Kids need love and stability. A foster care system that shifts kids from neglectful bio parent, to care, back to bio parent and then to care is a failure for the child.

Trying to make up for the "sins of the past" where girls shuttled off to homes and forced to give up their babies against their will

[Anonymous]

https://www.cradlehope.org/bridge-of-hope-program/

This organization specializes in older adoptions. They had (not sure if they do now) a summer program where kids come stay with you for a few weeks. Lets parents try out life with an older orphaned child with no pressure to adopt. Most end up adopting after the program though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JCAN doesn't tend to get a lot of healthy (physical/mental/emotional) kids. And Barker is pretty clear you need to be open to ages 10+

Still worth talking to Barker to be sure. I recently read an article in their Annual Report about a family that adopted a sibling group and it didn't look like the kids were 10+.

[Anonymous]

China seems to have a very established special needs/older child adoption program. Check it out. There are loads of photolistings of children with all different needs, varying from severe to very minor, or nothing for older children (besides normal orphanage delays).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're interested in adopting an older child--age range 6 to 9 or so.
I've looked into adoption several times over the past decade but have never officially started the process.
At this point we're most interested in an older child. We're financially stable, early 40's, and have 2 kids of our own.
We're both in the medical profession so we're okay with some medical needs but we don't have the desire
to raise a chronically medically fragile child (no ventilators, feeding tubes, etc). I've poured over the children
available to adopt through the foster care system multiple times and it seems like most if not all have some sort of major medical needs
(i.e. they'll need life-long 1:1 care, will never walk, etc).
I'd like to think we'll be okay with working through the attachment issues, etc that will come with adopting an older child.
Or should I say, we'd be as good as anyone at it. We have a stable marriage, we're decent parents, etc. My husband is about the most
patient and kind person I know.

If you were looking to adopt an older child, where would you start? What countries are open at this point in time? Please
be kind and don't crucify me in your responses.

What do your two kids think about this plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check out Barker Foundation's Project Wait No Longer, which focuses on older kids in domestic foster care. We're in the process of adopting with them and have been very impressed so far. Seems to be very professionally run and they have what seems like a terrific support network of parents and adoptees that are very active.

Another vote to check out Project Wait No Longer. As PPs said, the age range might not be exactly what you're looking for, but at least going to the initial info session will give you a good idea of the options and challenges.
We adopted internationally through Barker, and went to a training that was given by Beverly Clark, who is the director of Project Wait No Longer. What an amazing force of nature that woman is! I'm sure she'd be happy to give you info and see if it's the right option for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

from foster care- seriously. I say this as a foster parent and one who has adopted from foster care. I really don't understand why people go oversees for older child adoptions. The children from oversees are not 'less damaged.' You just get less information about them, less support going forward, and spend a whole lot more money.
A disturbing number of older child oversees adoptions disrupt. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/s_disrup.pdf
Statistically, the most successful older child adoptions are when children are adopted by their foster parents.

While I agree with some of the observations above, we went overseas for older child adoption because we did not want to be whipsawed by a US foster care system that emphasizes the ideal of family reunification over the best interests of the child. I did not want to have to constantly worry about interference from an unstable, substance-abusing biological parent. With our international adoption, we have been able to maintain contact with biological family members who love our kids but did not have the resources (financial or health-wise) to raise them, while at the same time NOT having to have any contact with the biological parents who neglected and abandoned them. [/quote


Wow. Can't remember the last time I was more disgusted with a post. Truly. [/quot


New poster here. I agree with the Poster who said the foster system is nightmare. Reunioficiaton has become too much of the focus and not at all about what is truly best for the kid. You end up putting kids back into dangerous situations or worse, bouncing them from foster home to another foster home until they age out. When the truth is that parental rights probably should have been terminated when the kid was 2 or 3 and had a reasonable chance of being adopted. Sorry I worked in social services for one year and got the hell out as fast as possible. Do you really think a parent who has fucked up bad enough to have her kids taken from her will ever truly turn her life around and become a GOOD parent? the answer is never. Perhaps they can become a parent who meets the legal requirement to keep her kids but that bar is so low. I have witnessed the hell of this first hand when my cousins foster a child from birth born to a drug addict. This nonsense dragged on for three years, despite multiple failed drug tests. Can you imagine if a judge took the baby back after three years because of "reunification"... thank god the bio mom contintued to fuck up, finally lost weekly visits and then finally all parental rights. the bio mom then had another baby, same shit. after many years and tears, my cousin adopted both kids and they are thriving away from their POS bio mom.