Cousin disrespected wishes, put my family in terrible position

[Anonymous]

Since you are paying away, don't tell them you aren't coming. Claim some emergency at the last minute and don't show up and let your mom go there and show her crazy. Maybe even change your arrival time to keep her on the line.

Petty...but let the cousin deal with the fallout from your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you are paying away, don't tell them you aren't coming. Claim some emergency at the last minute and don't show up and let your mom go there and show her crazy. Maybe even change your arrival time to keep her on the line.

Petty...but let the cousin deal with the fallout from your mother.

This is weird and passive aggressive. Don't do this. Live honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you file a restraining order and then go? If she shows up, have her arrested and continue your vacation. I realize that all doesn't sound like fun, but neither does staying at home.

I'd consider doing this - and informing all the cousins what you've done so everyone is prepared and the shitty cousin can, again, share the news with your mother. I'd also, like you said, drop the denying cousin. How shitty this is for you and your family. I'm so very sorry and would totally understand if you decided to forego the 'vacation'. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a mother like yours and just wanted to say that I know it sucks. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you file a restraining order and then go? If she shows up, have her arrested and continue your vacation. I realize that all doesn't sound like fun, but neither does staying at home.

I'd consider doing this - and informing all the cousins what you've done so everyone is prepared and the shitty cousin can, again, share the news with your mother. I'd also, like you said, drop the denying cousin. How shitty this is for you and your family. I'm so very sorry and would totally understand if you decided to forego the 'vacation'. Hugs.

OP here. A restraining order requires some kind of proof of imminent danger, which we could possibly prove but that would depend on the judge.

Unfortunately, though, this would not be a good solution for our family. It would be an extremely traumatic scene for my child-- not to mention all of my cousins' small children, who have never seen the police haul someone away screaming and threatening.

This is a limitation of our legal system. You can often keep yourself physically safe but you can't prevent unpleasant scenes like this.

Sometimes you have to suck it up. We are not rich by any means but neither are my cousins, who work very hard. One of my cousins is a hairdresser married to an enlisted Air Force E-2. They're TTC. I'd have to be a special flavor of jerk to put any of the burden on them. The cousin who is responsible for all of this also isn't well off. I'm not happy about the money but that's the least of it, all things considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you file a restraining order and then go? If she shows up, have her arrested and continue your vacation. I realize that all doesn't sound like fun, but neither does staying at home.

I'd consider doing this - and informing all the cousins what you've done so everyone is prepared and the shitty cousin can, again, share the news with your mother. I'd also, like you said, drop the denying cousin. How shitty this is for you and your family. I'm so very sorry and would totally understand if you decided to forego the 'vacation'. Hugs.

I can't see how this will make for a nice vacation thought. Everyone will be on eggshells, OP will be so angry with that cousin and should the mom show up, then there's the cops and the drama that goes with it.

Do something else cheap, OP. Go camping, or day trips around the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a mother like yours and just wanted to say that I know it sucks. Hugs.

+1
Sorry, op.

[Anonymous]

OP what happened was wrong but you need to set things in motion to protect yourself and your kid.
File the restraining order, if you are in MD its called a protective order in VA its an order of protection. She will need to be served with her copy so once you have it you need to do your best to have that done.
If she comes anywhere near you on vacation you call the Police and they will arrest her.
I don't know how old your kid is but if your Mom is this bad he needs to know that she is not a good person and she needs to stay away from the family. Give him a heads up about what might happen with the Police if she shows up.

I would be royally pissed at this cousin though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I would really feel like making the cousin who told, pay for your portion.

Yep this. Why not get a restraining order on your mom and have her arrested when she shows up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you explicitly and clearly told them the condition of your family joining was not telling your mom, then why aren't you clear with cousins that the consequence of giving your mom the information that you are not going and you aren't paying beyond the initial deposit. They can pay your portion or they can also forgo their deposits and find another place to go on the holiday. Bam. You have your sanity. The family deals with the natural consequences and you still have money for your needed vacation.

This is a good idea

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. You sound nice and normal and your family (at least some of it) is really being shitty to you.

Vacation is awesome. But you guys can stay home and do stuff together as a family at home. Go to the pool, hit Chesapeake Beach and hunt for shark teeth, backyard camping, make your own ice cream, movies, day at a water park, etc. etc. You can find pretty cheap stuff to do (museums are free!) and still have family time. That's the best part of vacation - time away from work and being a family together.

Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Go on vacation and if your mother shows up have an extra suitcase prepared in the car so you and your family can leave immediately and stay at a hotel for one night. Once she's gone, go back to the vacation home. Don't tell anyone about this backup plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go on vacation and if your mother shows up have an extra suitcase prepared in the car so you and your family can leave immediately and stay at a hotel for one night. Once she's gone, go back to the vacation home. Don't tell anyone about this backup plan.

Let me rewrite that in a more coherent way:

Go on vacation and have an extra suitcase packed in the car so you and your family can leave immediately and stay at a hotel for one night if your mother shows up. Once she's gone, go back to the vacation home. Don't tell anyone about this backup plan.

[doodlebug]

I'd tell all the cousins in a group email what happened and let them decide if they want to pay your share or if they want to lose the deposit and cancel the house altogether.

[Anonymous]

doodlebug wrote:I'd tell all the cousins in a group email what happened and let them decide if they want to pay your share or if they want to lose the deposit and cancel the house altogether.

+1 If you decide not to go, you need to tell the cousins a soon as possible and give them a say on whether to cancel. Perhaps you can be gracious and pay for more than your part of the deposit.