Ladies - why do you sleep with married men?

[Anonymous]

I do because deep down I'm scared of him. He hates it when I say no. I really don't even like him anymore. I just try and keep him happy so that my life runs smoothly. When I turn him down my life just changes he makes my life hell. Keep your enemies close.

[Anonymous]

Because my husband has no libido and married people are safe bets for each other bc we both have leverage over the other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do because deep down I'm scared of him. He hates it when I say no. I really don't even like him anymore. I just try and keep him happy so that my life runs smoothly. When I turn him down my life just changes he makes my life hell. Keep your enemies close.

wtf? this sounds like abuse!

[Anonymous]

Because I met a few guys I liked who happened to be married. They were good to me, talked to me, listened. One took me to restaurants, took me on little getaways. Their wives were bored with them and took them for granted. Also I'm sure they weren't great husbands. I never liked the fact that they were married though. It made me feel guilty. I'm pretty sure the main reason for all of it was bipolar mania that removed all inhibitions and connection to reality.

Now I'm trying to date single men and they are so difficult. They're all younger and flaky players, or they're my age and want to get married ie get a new cook/housekeeper/etc.

It almost makes me want to go back to married guys, except that makes my stomach twist in knots. I have met one possibly decent single guy online so hopefully it works out.

[Anonymous]

Because otherwise he won't take out the garbage and file our taxes.

[Anonymous]

BEcause I made major mistake when far younger. Fell for man at work, believed stories he was misunderstood at home, started affair, it went on for years, including short trips to and with him after I relocated for job. Then all blew up when he got Caught having another affair at work while being twice a year with me.

Since then I have sworn off all relationships since my "picker" is so bad. Maybe in my 60's I will find late love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are afraid of intimacy, real intimacy that is. You can fool yourself into thinking you want a real relationship with real intimacy and you just have bad luck falling for married men. But it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you and your issues.

As long as you are with someone who can't be 100% present in the relationship, you will never be challenged by true intimacy. Being 100% open and intimate with someone is scary. And even the best of relationship can involve pain as you both work through issues and get closer. The closer you are the more buttons get pushed. But also the chance to heal old wounds is there. But that takes bravery to face the scary things inside ourselves.

Being with a married guy means you get all the fun with none of the work. But also none of the rewards either. You can waste your emotional energy bemoaning not being with him. Which feels like you are doing emotional work. But in reality protects you from the real, scary stuff inside.

Op here - thank you for this! It makes total sense and I think it's one of my issues.

So why don't you go to a therapist and work on your issues?

Is that too scary for you as well?

PP who wrote this. I didn't date married men, but I did date equally unavailable men. And you don't realize the problem is about you because it feels like you are in the dating/relationship game. you are using so much emotional energy that it feels like you are working hard on your issues and trying to growing intimacy. And you get stuck in the weeds bemoaning your bad luck meeting great guys who happen to be (married, long distance, not over their ex, etc).

It wasn't until a many years long pattern emerged that I was able to see that I kept picking guys that I would never ever be able to have a true relationship with. So I went into therapy, learned to deal with my ambivalence about relationships and fear of intimacy and avoided all men who showed up with situations that would limit our ability to be in a true relationship (even if there was crazy chemistry. In fact I realized, the more intense the chemistry, the more likely they were bad for me)

[Anonymous]

I have scored a few married men in hookup bars. They were hunting. I was looking. They just turned out to be married. Marital status was not an issue. I wasn't planning on having a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are afraid of intimacy, real intimacy that is. You can fool yourself into thinking you want a real relationship with real intimacy and you just have bad luck falling for married men. But it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you and your issues.

As long as you are with someone who can't be 100% present in the relationship, you will never be challenged by true intimacy. Being 100% open and intimate with someone is scary. And even the best of relationship can involve pain as you both work through issues and get closer. The closer you are the more buttons get pushed. But also the chance to heal old wounds is there. But that takes bravery to face the scary things inside ourselves.

Being with a married guy means you get all the fun with none of the work. But also none of the rewards either. You can waste your emotional energy bemoaning not being with him. Which feels like you are doing emotional work. But in reality protects you from the real, scary stuff inside.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because otherwise he won't take out the garbage and file our taxes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have scored a few married men in hookup bars. They were hunting. I was looking. They just turned out to be married. Marital status was not an issue. I wasn't planning on having a relationship.

What is a hookup bar? Pardon my ignorance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have scored a few married men in hookup bars. They were hunting. I was looking. They just turned out to be married. Marital status was not an issue. I wasn't planning on having a relationship.

What is a hookup bar? Pardon my ignorance

A bar known as a place to go get laid. Singles bar. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Because we meet these men at work and their wives aren't real. We only see them at work where they are unattached. their attachment is more theoretical. It's a slippery slope. We start talking, going to lunch. Attraction develops. He's nice, polite, seductive. Chemistry is intense. You end up in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we meet these men at work and their wives aren't real. We only see them at work where they are unattached. their attachment is more theoretical. It's a slippery slope. We start talking, going to lunch. Attraction develops. He's nice, polite, seductive. Chemistry is intense. You end up in bed.

Excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not here to throw stones. I'm guilty of above. But I'm not sure why I do it???

Cause you stupid.
Don't fret - married guys who fyck you are stupid too.