Tell me about your surprise pregnancy...several years after you thought you were "done"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah, I know people that "did IVF" and got pregnant on their own.

Not people that did 10 rounds of IVF.
Not people that went to the best clinics in the country and were told, I'm so very sorry, but you will never have biological children without IVF.

I understand that you can stand objectively outside of our situation and say, yes, of course anything is possible. But, you don't have the years and years and years of scar tissue of sobbing yourself to sleep because you can't get pregnant.

Please abstain from the judgement about how it's our fault we are pregnant and tell me about choices that were made and how you feel about the decision years after.

OP, I'm sorry for what you went through. I don't judge you at all and think anyone who does is probably bitter about their own issues. Having had the experience you had, I personally could not fathom ending a pregnancy that came on the heels of so much heartbreak over wanting children. I am not religious, but would view it as a precious gift. Having described your situation, your current children can't be that old. Not like they are teens or something and you're truly starting over. I am fully pro-choice and would never judge anyone's decision, but this pregnancy sounds like a very special, if unexpected, gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yeah, I know people that "did IVF" and got pregnant on their own.

Not people that did 10 rounds of IVF.
Not people that went to the best clinics in the country and were told, I'm so very sorry, but you will never have biological children without IVF.

I understand that you can stand objectively outside of our situation and say, yes, of course anything is possible. But, you don't have the years and years and years of scar tissue of sobbing yourself to sleep because you can't get pregnant.

Please abstain from the judgement about how it's our fault we are pregnant and tell me about choices that were made and how you feel about the decision years after.

Fellow infertile who made it to the other side so to speak. We have severe MFI and I have immune issues and will never be pregnant without IVF. That said we had our first successful treatment when my DH was 40/41. We will go back for an FET when he is 42 in hopes of having a sibling. I know it must be a mind job to be pregnant naturally after all the craziness of IF. I have often wondered what it was like. So stop for a moment and laugh that you have a feritle person problem. Because they have stuff like this happen all the time. As for age, I stopped caring how old we will be when the kids are in college. Remember 60 now isn't what it was 20 years ago, especially with good health care and an education/good job. I would see a therapist to talk through this. You may still have some PTSD from infertility, which is normal given everything you go through to have a child and then bam, you are pregnant. It is a mind job. Wishing you the best!

[Anonymous]

We had a surprise third and we had a hard road to get the two we had before that. I was beyond angry with myself because I need to be on very specific medication while TTC so that I don't miscarry. I thought for sure that the pregnancy was doomed because of my stupidity. I was very worried and upset with myself because I know that if anything happened ultimately it would be my fault.

He's now 5 months old and is such a joyful and easy going baby. It makes me sad how I beat myself up so early on. It took a while before I was excited about the pregnancy and of course now I feel guilty that I wasn't excited sooner. Fear of the unknown was definitely controlling my life in the early days. There has been a lot of change in our house since he's been born but looking back it's nothing we can't handle. That said, my husband got the vasectomy before the baby was born.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better, I am currently pregnant. I will be 40 when the baby is born and my husband will be 46. So you won't be the oldest

[Anonymous]

How can any pregnancy be a surprise ? Unless there is a hysterectomy or vasectomy, you will and can get pregnant if you have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can any pregnancy be a surprise ? Unless there is a hysterectomy or vasectomy, you will and can get pregnant if you have sex.

when you have been infertile like this couple and so many others, it does come as a surprise that you got pregnant without help. I mean, sure, anytime you have sex without protection (and even sometimes with), pregnancy is a possibility. But the chances are slim to none in your mind when you have gone through years of not getting pregnant no matter what you try.

I call ours a happy surprise since we had been trying for YEARS and were planning to go back for more treatments when we got pregnant on our own. I thought my body was playing tricks on me when my period didn't show up. I quite literally shook the test when it only said "Pregnant" - I truly thought the "Not" was malfunctioning. I was in shock that it had happened after all that time. Sure, anytime we had sex, it was possible, but we'd been having sex to no avail for years and it starts to feel like "no way is it going to happen, so why worry that it will?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can any pregnancy be a surprise ? Unless there is a hysterectomy or vasectomy, you will and can get pregnant if you have sex.

Because she was told very specifically and adamantly that she could never conceive naturally, that's why. Given that, most people would be surprised. Not sure why that's so hard to understand.

[Anonymous]

My mom had my brother when I was 18. Surprise. There were already 5 of us (youngest was 11 at the time). We're all adults now. He's been the joy of all our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can any pregnancy be a surprise ? Unless there is a hysterectomy or vasectomy, you will and can get pregnant if you have sex.

Because she was told very specifically and adamantly that she could never conceive naturally, that's why. Given that, most people would be surprised. Not sure why that's so hard to understand.

But if you have eggs, sperm and a uterus there will always be a chance of conception. I don't care which doctor tells you what (and i don't know why doctors say insane things like this to begin with).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can any pregnancy be a surprise ? Unless there is a hysterectomy or vasectomy, you will and can get pregnant if you have sex.

How can any car wreck be a surprise? Unless you avoid driving entirely, you can get into an accident.

NP here, but when I got pregnant after 15 years of using the same methods to avoid pregnancy (and successfully at that), I was pretty damn surprised.

[Anonymous]

We had a "surprise", although it wasn't years after we thought we were done. We'd planned for a 4 year gap between our 2nd and 3rd, and instead ended up with less than 2 years.

I was not happy at first. I think there are people who roll with the punches easily, and there are those of us for whom having our plans or expectations upended is very difficult. Our youngest just turned 1, and she's awesome. But while i was in love with her from the get-go, it took awhile to shake off my irritation at having my plans altered.

Try not to beat yourself up. It took some therapy (needed for other reasons as well), but I don't beat myself up for being someone who doesn't like when things happen outside of my control or plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can any pregnancy be a surprise ? Unless there is a hysterectomy or vasectomy, you will and can get pregnant if you have sex.

Because she was told very specifically and adamantly that she could never conceive naturally, that's why. Given that, most people would be surprised. Not sure why that's so hard to understand.

But if you have eggs, sperm and a uterus there will always be a chance of conception. I don't care which doctor tells you what (and i don't know why doctors say insane things like this to begin with).

Some people don't have working eggs, sperm, or uterus though...which is why it's a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can any pregnancy be a surprise ? Unless there is a hysterectomy or vasectomy, you will and can get pregnant if you have sex.

when you have been infertile like this couple and so many others, it does come as a surprise that you got pregnant without help. I mean, sure, anytime you have sex without protection (and even sometimes with), pregnancy is a possibility. But the chances are slim to none in your mind when you have gone through years of not getting pregnant no matter what you try.

I call ours a happy surprise since we had been trying for YEARS and were planning to go back for more treatments when we got pregnant on our own. I thought my body was playing tricks on me when my period didn't show up. I quite literally shook the test when it only said "Pregnant" - I truly thought the "Not" was malfunctioning. I was in shock that it had happened after all that time. Sure, anytime we had sex, it was possible, but we'd been having sex to no avail for years and it starts to feel like "no way is it going to happen, so why worry that it will?"

+1

YES - and for those who haven't invested small fortunes/half a lifetime into treatment, I suppose this would be hard to understand.

And, a happy surprise when you are both older 42 & 51...it comes with happy, but sometimes mixed emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have experience with this, but I have a friend who is accidentally pregnant right now with her fourth and will have a 10 year gap from her current youngest. Her others will be 16, 12, and 10. She is rolling with it and seems happy. She is having a baby girl - her older three are all boys. Good luck with your decision and I wish you the best.

I know a woman who had almost this exact experience but a few years ago. I did not ask if the daughter was planned, but she was over 40, so who knows. It's a fun dynamic, for sure!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have experience with this, but I have a friend who is accidentally pregnant right now with her fourth and will have a 10 year gap from her current youngest. Her others will be 16, 12, and 10. She is rolling with it and seems happy. She is having a baby girl - her older three are all boys. Good luck with your decision and I wish you the best.

I know a woman who had almost this exact experience but a few years ago. I did not ask if the daughter was planned, but she was over 40, so who knows. It's a fun dynamic, for sure!

I have three boys and would be secretly thrilled if something like this happened. I don't stand a chance, as I had a tubal, but I sometimes still wonder if its possible!