Tell me about your surprise pregnancy...several years after you thought you were "done"
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Anonymous
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After more fertility treatments than you can count on your fingers and toes, we finally finished our family. Doctors told us we would never get pregnant without IVF. Husband kept procrastinating getting vasectomy because "what's the point." Well, one freaky early ovulation and we're pregnant (we were doing natural family planning method).
I'm gonna be almost 39 and my husband will be 43 when then baby is due. I'm feeling sad, angry and not wanting to go through the baby stage again. Tell me about your experience with surprise pregnancy. What did you do? How do you feel about it now? |
Anonymous
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How old are your children?
And CONGRATS!!!! 
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Anonymous
| You're entitled to have those feelings, but when we got pregnant on our own after 3.5 years of unexplained secondary infertility and had thought the only way I could conceive was with help (we had done 3 iui cycles with one pregnancy that I miscarried), we were over the moon happy. And honestly, the timing sucked and we have a large gap between our girls. Still, it has been so wonderful to add our sweet little one to our lives. I didn't find going back to baby stage all that difficult. So much easier second time around. I hope you can get excited after sorting through the initial shock. My little one came to us at a point when our families needed some sunshine. I'm not religious, but I do think things happen for a reason. |
Anonymous
| I was in my mid-40s with 3 teenaged children when my IUD failed. Our eldest was in college; our youngest was 13. I terminated for many reasons, including some health issues I had going on. I don't regret the decision, though had the pregnancy happened 10 years earlier, we would have made a different choice. |
Anonymous
If you did not want to get pregnant you should have taken actual precautions. Biology, it is a real thing. I was pregnant- happily- at 40. It worked out fine. |
Anonymous
| I don't have experience with this, but I have a friend who is accidentally pregnant right now with her fourth and will have a 10 year gap from her current youngest. Her others will be 16, 12, and 10. She is rolling with it and seems happy. She is having a baby girl - her older three are all boys. Good luck with your decision and I wish you the best. |
Anonymous
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3 years ago I found out I was pregnant and this was after my husband had a vasectomy in 2009. It was a huge shock and definitely upended all our plans and expectations. Ultimately I just figured well, the train is out of the station and I'm on board whether I'm happy about it or not so I'll just be happy about it. It worked out well for us. I think often how if I had known how wonderful life would be with two I would never have asked him to get the vasectomy in the first place. Sometimes I just think fate or the gods intervene to give us exactly what we need even if we don't yet know we want it. She's now 2.5 and just makes our family life so fun.
My advice: get your head in the game, get excited, and get ready for what's to come. I think when it's all said and done you'll be thrilled for this new addition. |
Anonymous
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I had a surprise pregnancy, though not years after being done. Fertility treatments never worked so we adopted. I found out I was pregnant shortly after, and although conventional wisdom said we should've been thrilled, I wasn't. I was also upset and angry, and it took me quite a few months to recover. Fortunately, he's the love of my life and looking back, I can't believe the fuss I put up and that I had wished him away.
Congratulations to you! |
Anonymous
| I had a surprise pregnancy when my youngest was 6. I was scared, resentful, loathe to go back to the baby stage, and felt pretty depressed for most of the pregnancy. But, when he was born I fell in love and he brings me joy every day. My family feels more complete and I couldn't imagine life without this little soul. Good luck, OP. |
Anonymous
| OP here. We are mostly worried about being "old"....which I realize by DC standards 38 and 43 aren't that old...but it is much older than we thought we would be (given that we spent ages 28-34 desperately trying to get pregnant). My husband will be 61 when the kid graduates high school. That takes my breath away. |
Anonymous
| My friend had three girls and the year the youngest graduated high school she found out she was pregnant. Their son is now 6 and is the apple of everyone's eye. |
Anonymous
Yes, well, don't think about those things. We tend to think those numbers (50, 60, 70) are so old and yet when we get there we realize it's just not. You wanted to get pregnant. You hoped to. You tried all kinds of things. Once the shock wears off, I bet you'll love having this new baby in your lives! |
Anonymous
| Have you not read the threads and threads of people who "couldn't conceive without IVF and miraculously got pregnant"? Seriously once the body gets pregnant once it seems to know how to make it happen again. The only sure way to ensure you don't get pregnant is using a contraceptive. You area ware when you age, your cycles change yes? You may ovulate early, late or even skip cycles. |
Anonymous
| My husband was 40 when we had our last, planned. Most of our friends are similar. 43 isn't that different. I wouldn't let the age be your primary concern. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Yeah, I know people that "did IVF" and got pregnant on their own.
Not people that did 10 rounds of IVF. Not people that went to the best clinics in the country and were told, I'm so very sorry, but you will never have biological children without IVF. I understand that you can stand objectively outside of our situation and say, yes, of course anything is possible. But, you don't have the years and years and years of scar tissue of sobbing yourself to sleep because you can't get pregnant. Please abstain from the judgement about how it's our fault we are pregnant and tell me about choices that were made and how you feel about the decision years after. |