Almost 40, divorced, and a mom?

[Anonymous]

So, are you hot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, are you hot?

I probably was in my younger years. My ex told me I lost my looks that's why he cheated.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're at a difficult age for women. Childless men your age will typically want to date younger women. You should focus on men with kids, or men who are a little bit older and will see you as a pretty young thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced, 41 and split 50/50 and I'm dating. My kids are young but I have 3 free evenings and every other weekend free. It's possible to date.

+1. It also helps if you're not volunteering to run every kid related activity. Leave that to the moms and dads with spouses at home.

[Anonymous]

I'm 35, divorced (with 50/50 custody) and in a long term relationship with a younger man (32), never married, no kids. Definitely possible, but certainly more challenging than if you didn't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No interest in "succeeding" at dating. Happy to date if I meet someone I like who is willing to accommodate my schedule. But past the point in life where I am going to give up the activities that are most important to me. If a guy can't accept that not interested. Also don't think a guy is responsible for my happiness. Great to enjoy someone's company but I am responsible for me. And I know a lot more about what makes me laugh and excited then I did when married. Would think that would be appealing to men out there. A third way. Not just sex. But not marriage. Two adults who really know themselv enjoying each other's company when both have time.

Single mom here. What guy would sign up for this? I know a guy who is great on paper, also a father of 1, but he chairs a ton of activities for his frat, charities, etc. He was/is interested, but has no plans of cutting back his lifestyle and I am not interested in being penciled into his busy social calendar once in awhile. The message he sends is "I will include you when convenient for me, but you will never be a priority." A FWB situation is what you guys are probably best suited for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No interest in "succeeding" at dating. Happy to date if I meet someone I like who is willing to accommodate my schedule. But past the point in life where I am going to give up the activities that are most important to me. If a guy can't accept that not interested. Also don't think a guy is responsible for my happiness. Great to enjoy someone's company but I am responsible for me. And I know a lot more about what makes me laugh and excited then I did when married. Would think that would be appealing to men out there. A third way. Not just sex. But not marriage. Two adults who really know themselv enjoying each other's company when both have time.

Single mom here. What guy would sign up for this? I know a guy who is great on paper, also a father of 1, but he chairs a ton of activities for his frat, charities, etc. He was/is interested, but has no plans of cutting back his lifestyle and I am not interested in being penciled into his busy social calendar once in awhile. The message he sends is "I will include you when convenient for me, but you will never be a priority." A FWB situation is what you guys are probably best suited for.

This definitely wouldn't work for me, and I would see it as a huge red flag. My ex was like this and it turns out there was another woman involved the whole time (yes before and during our marriage).

[Anonymous]

No you are not "undatable" OP, however your dating pool of men may just be a little more limited.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, good looks is a huge factor.

[Anonymous]

Lots of men in their 40's go overseas and marry a girl half their age.
There must be a dating site for American women who want to meet foreign men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, are you hot?

I probably was in my younger years. My ex told me I lost my looks that's why he cheated.

OP, he did not cheat because you lost your looks. He cheated because he is an asshole. I am positive that you are still beautiful. Fuck him. Keep getting out there. You will meet someone great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35, divorced (with 50/50 custody) and in a long term relationship with a younger man (32), never married, no kids. Definitely possible, but certainly more challenging than if you didn't have kids.

Does he want to get married and have kids? Do you want to get married and have more kids?

[Anonymous]

I think you're in a tough spot because if a guy still wants kids, a 40 year old who already has her kids is not his safest bet, and if he doesn't want kids, it's a waste of time to date a 40 year old who has kids. You have to find the right guy who is happy to always have someone else's kids around while also not wanting any/more of his own and isn't an emotional cripple. If you don't want him to have kids and an ex, you narrow your odds even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35, divorced (with 50/50 custody) and in a long term relationship with a younger man (32), never married, no kids. Definitely possible, but certainly more challenging than if you didn't have kids.

Does he want to get married and have kids? Do you want to get married and have more kids?

Yes, he wants to get married, and is open to children if I wanted more, but I don't want any more so that's not an issue for us. He's great with my son, which is very important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35, divorced (with 50/50 custody) and in a long term relationship with a younger man (32), never married, no kids. Definitely possible, but certainly more challenging than if you didn't have kids.

That is awesome for you. I'm 36 and divorced and also in a LTR with a younger man! I don't have kids (don't want any) and I agree it might be harder to find someone, but I'm sure there are lots of people out there. There are probably divorced men with kids who feel the same way. It's just a matter of being patient and being open to different guys. People on DCUM love to make sweeping generalizations about dating, what "everyone" will want or think when they're looking for a mate, etc. Ignore the naysayers. You have a lot to offer to someone out there and you will find him.