Is it bad to want a specific kind of engagement ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If he can't afford it, can you help pay for it?

It's not a problem wanting something very specific, OP. I'm super picky as well! You just have to stay realistic and down-to-earth.


+1

Sounds like he's being responsible about finances--believe me, you'll be grateful for that down the road!

[Anonymous]

You have the man of your dreams, that should be enough. Your priorities are the problem. Why is that 10k ring enough? I just tried on one for $150,000 should I not expect that? The dollar amount is arbitrary and when you get that ring at great cost to your love, it will leave a bitter taste in his mouth. Slowly, he will come to see you as a greedy B. Do you love him? If you do then make a sacrifice. It will be one of many to come, but that is what a strong foundation for a lasting marriage requires. If you cannot give up dreams for reality don't ever have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a self-entitled, spoiled princess. I would be pissed if my "husband" spent 10K on a ring - think of the great start to a downpayment on a house, savings, a few vacations, etc., that can get you. It's a freaking diamond. Do that in 10 years if you're actually still married and haven't driven him away by being a spoiled brat.

Pretty much this. I would have used nicer words, but your husband (and he IS your husband) cannot afford the ring you've got your heart set on. Considering you had "no money" a year ago, even the back-up ring is probably a stretch. If I were your husband, though, I'd take this as a bad omen for things to come. He should probably get out now, since this fight is sure to be replayed again and again, when you insist you NEED 4000 square feet, and NEED a Lexus RX. It's never going to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with your expectations in this scenario. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a style preference and I think it's good for couples to talk about what kind of style ring the woman would want. I have discussed it with my BF! However if your BF has told you he can't afford what you want, I think you should give in. I know I would. I love my BF dearly and for me, the carat and specific cut isn't as important as the commitment it symbolizes. A smaller ring can be just as beautiful. It makes you sound very materialistic and selfish, to be honest.

OP here. I am not materialistic. I already eloped with him on short notice because he proposed and said he could not afford to get me a ring or have a nice wedding. He promised in a year or so, he'd give me a nice ring as a symbol of his love and we'd have a subsequent "wedding party" for our family and friends. I just thought that after waiting 2 years, he'd be able to get me the ring of my dreams.

You need to understand basic finances. You are married, so sit down together and set a family budget. If you both agree that $10K ring is a priority, then put away savings to get there.

[Anonymous]

The net present value of your immigration paperwork is worth way more than $10,000, so maybe you should be happy for that?

He clearly loves you and is a good guy, so you can't get too hung up on this. It seems like you have several options:

1. Accept that you'll get to choose the setting and shape of the diamond but not the size. Let him use his current budget and be happy you are getting the style of ring you want immediately.

2. Keep chasing that big ring but recognize that your expectations that he could save that much money so quickly were unrealistic. Don't get a ring now or get a very minimalist ring now and give him much longer to save up.

3. Start putting your money towards the ring as well. Making him save when you're already married is kind of a fiction to begin with. And, again, he did massively increase your earning potential by helping with your immigration. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad sign. If you're in love and compatible you should be able to live happily
ever after even with a $50 ring. I've been married for 15 years and built a family and home and life together and amazingly only have a half carat ring.

If size is so important to you for some outward reason, though, then get a fake. They're very good now. Moissanite is nice.

It is really not so much me as my social circle and family. My sisters would be so condescending if I did not have at least a 2 carat ring. I know it sounds bad but I'm a little embarrassed that we still cannot afford a 1.5 carat ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with your expectations in this scenario. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a style preference and I think it's good for couples to talk about what kind of style ring the woman would want. I have discussed it with my BF! However if your BF has told you he can't afford what you want, I think you should give in. I know I would. I love my BF dearly and for me, the carat and specific cut isn't as important as the commitment it symbolizes. A smaller ring can be just as beautiful. It makes you sound very materialistic and selfish, to be honest.

OP here. I am not materialistic. I already eloped with him on short notice because he proposed and said he could not afford to get me a ring or have a nice wedding. He promised in a year or so, he'd give me a nice ring as a symbol of his love and we'd have a subsequent "wedding party" for our family and friends. I just thought that after waiting 2 years, he'd be able to get me the ring of my dreams.

The house of my dreams is a multi-million dollar mansion. Don't I deserve to have the house of my dreams? I've been waiting, doesn't that count?

You call him your fiance when he is your husband. You're still hung up on a ring despite him telling you he can't afford it. You can get a "nice ring" for much much less than $10k. Be grateful he was willing to marry you to help with your immigration issues and focus on building a life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad sign. If you're in love and compatible you should be able to live happily
ever after even with a $50 ring. I've been married for 15 years and built a family and home and life together and amazingly only have a half carat ring.

If size is so important to you for some outward reason, though, then get a fake. They're very good now. Moissanite is nice.

It is really not so much me as my social circle and family. My sisters would be so condescending if I did not have at least a 2 carat ring. I know it sounds bad but I'm a little embarrassed that we still cannot afford a 1.5 carat ring.

Why the hell do you care what your sisters think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad sign. If you're in love and compatible you should be able to live happily
ever after even with a $50 ring. I've been married for 15 years and built a family and home and life together and amazingly only have a half carat ring.

If size is so important to you for some outward reason, though, then get a fake. They're very good now. Moissanite is nice.

It is really not so much me as my social circle and family. My sisters would be so condescending if I did not have at least a 2 carat ring. I know it sounds bad but I'm a little embarrassed that we still cannot afford a 1.5 carat ring.

Alright, if you're going to troll, be more subtle about it. You started off promising but now you've just completely botched it. Come back in a week or two and try again. Slow and steady wins the trolling race.

[Anonymous]

Then clearly your very wealthy family will have giant rocks to hand down to you as part of your dowry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then clearly your very wealthy family will have giant rocks to hand down to you as part of your dowry.

RIGHT?? So, OP is desperate enough for a US visa to marry this guy for it, but rich enough that her sisters all have 2 karat rings? Something's fishy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad sign. If you're in love and compatible you should be able to live happily
ever after even with a $50 ring. I've been married for 15 years and built a family and home and life together and amazingly only have a half carat ring.

If size is so important to you for some outward reason, though, then get a fake. They're very good now. Moissanite is nice.

It is really not so much me as my social circle and family. My sisters would be so condescending if I did not have at least a 2 carat ring. I know it sounds bad but I'm a little embarrassed that we still cannot afford a 1.5 carat ring.

Alright, if you're going to troll, be more subtle about it. You started off promising but now you've just completely botched it. Come back in a week or two and try again. Slow and steady wins the trolling race.

LOL. What country are you from, OP? (Tip: Make sure to google first to see if that country exchanges large, diamond engagement rings.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a bad sign. If you're in love and compatible you should be able to live happily
ever after even with a $50 ring. I've been married for 15 years and built a family and home and life together and amazingly only have a half carat ring.

If size is so important to you for some outward reason, though, then get a fake. They're very good now. Moissanite is nice.

It is really not so much me as my social circle and family. My sisters would be so condescending if I did not have at least a 2 carat ring. I know it sounds bad but I'm a little embarrassed that we still cannot afford a 1.5 carat ring.

Alright, if you're going to troll, be more subtle about it. You started off promising but now you've just completely botched it. Come back in a week or two and try again. Slow and steady wins the trolling race.

LOL. What country are you from, OP? (Tip: Make sure to google first to see if that country exchanges large, diamond engagement rings.)

Extra tip: Most countries do not have this tradition. Some countries have no engagement ring tradition. Some trade other kinds of jewelry. Some have both the man and woman wear engagement rings (not diamonds).

[Anonymous]

I would pick Spain. You get Hispanic but cooler. Of course the jewelry over there is bigger and cheaper so you could totally claim everyone has a two carat and a title.

[Anonymous]

If I were this troll, I think I'd claim to be Argentine. It has a certain mystique and folks don't know a lot about it.