Is it bad to want a specific kind of engagement ring?

[Anonymous]

I am a 30 year old woman who has her heart set on a 1.5 carat engagement ring that is brilliant. I understand this can be purchased for about 10K.

My 29 year old fiance has told me he cannot afford a 10k ring at this time and he can get me one for 4k a beautiful ring with a .9 carat stone.

I love my fiance dearly. He is perfect for me and is the loveliest man alive. We actually did go to a courthouse a year ago to get married to speed up my immigration paperwork and are already husband and wife. He still however wants to give me the "engagement" experience and get me a nice ring and throw a "wedding party" to celebrate with our friends and family next year since we eloped a year ago because we had no money but loved each other a lot.

Is it even fair of me to expect a "certain" kind of ring, or should I give up? He says he will be happy to upgrade my diamond in a few years time when he is able to afford it.

[Anonymous]

If he can't afford it, can you help pay for it?

It's not a problem wanting something very specific, OP. I'm super picky as well! You just have to stay realistic and down-to-earth.

[Anonymous]

Get the setting you want with the smaller stone. Upgrade on your 10th anniversery.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with your expectations in this scenario. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a style preference and I think it's good for couples to talk about what kind of style ring the woman would want. I have discussed it with my BF! However if your BF has told you he can't afford what you want, I think you should give in. I know I would. I love my BF dearly and for me, the carat and specific cut isn't as important as the commitment it symbolizes. A smaller ring can be just as beautiful. It makes you sound very materialistic and selfish, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If he can't afford it, can you help pay for it?

It's not a problem wanting something very specific, OP. I'm super picky as well! You just have to stay realistic and down-to-earth.

+1. If you want it help out. It's all your money together anyway as soon as you're married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 30 year old woman who has her heart set on a 1.5 carat engagement ring that is brilliant. I understand this can be purchased for about 10K.

My 29 year old fiance has told me he cannot afford a 10k ring at this time and he can get me one for 4k a beautiful ring with a .9 carat stone.

I love my fiance dearly. He is perfect for me and is the loveliest man alive. We actually did go to a courthouse a year ago to get married to speed up my immigration paperwork and are already husband and wife. He still however wants to give me the "engagement" experience and get me a nice ring and throw a "wedding party" to celebrate with our friends and family next year since we eloped a year ago because we had no money but loved each other a lot.

Is it even fair of me to expect a "certain" kind of ring, or should I give up? He says he will be happy to upgrade my diamond in a few years time when he is able to afford it.

It is fine for you to express your preference about the style you want (cut, type of metal). It is not fair of you to expect that he spend more than he can afford on a large diamond (which is not a certain "kind" of ring; it is a certain size of diamond).

If you eloped because you had no money, why on earth do you think it makes sense to spend so much money on a piece of jewelry?

[Anonymous]

10k?? Maybe for a yellow tinged diamond with visible inclusions.

But if you want it, buy it yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. You're joining your money as you marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with your expectations in this scenario. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a style preference and I think it's good for couples to talk about what kind of style ring the woman would want. I have discussed it with my BF! However if your BF has told you he can't afford what you want, I think you should give in. I know I would. I love my BF dearly and for me, the carat and specific cut isn't as important as the commitment it symbolizes. A smaller ring can be just as beautiful. It makes you sound very materialistic and selfish, to be honest.

OP here. I am not materialistic. I already eloped with him on short notice because he proposed and said he could not afford to get me a ring or have a nice wedding. He promised in a year or so, he'd give me a nice ring as a symbol of his love and we'd have a subsequent "wedding party" for our family and friends. I just thought that after waiting 2 years, he'd be able to get me the ring of my dreams.

[Anonymous]

So you had no money a year ago yet you expect a $10K ring?

He's not your fiancé. He's your husband. You can't just be married for immigration and not married in the rest of your life--that's called fraud.

Your husband is a fool and would be better off putting any money into retirement savings or paying off the credit cards he's probably already run up trying to please you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you had no money a year ago yet you expect a $10K ring?

He's not your fiancé. He's your husband. You can't just be married for immigration and not married in the rest of your life--that's called fraud.

Your husband is a fool and would be better off putting any money into retirement savings or paying off the credit cards he's probably already run up trying to please you.

We ARE married. He can't give me a ring as a gesture of his love? He felt really badly about not having cash on hand to do it before we married.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a self-entitled, spoiled princess. I would be pissed if my "husband" spent 10K on a ring - think of the great start to a downpayment on a house, savings, a few vacations, etc., that can get you. It's a freaking diamond. Do that in 10 years if you're actually still married and haven't driven him away by being a spoiled brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you had no money a year ago yet you expect a $10K ring?

He's not your fiancé. He's your husband. You can't just be married for immigration and not married in the rest of your life--that's called fraud.

Your husband is a fool and would be better off putting any money into retirement savings or paying off the credit cards he's probably already run up trying to please you.

We ARE married. He can't give me a ring as a gesture of his love? He felt really badly about not having cash on hand to do it before we married.

Of course he can give you a ring. He already told you the kind of ring he can get you. That's not good enough, apparently.

[Anonymous]

This is a bad sign. If you're in love and compatible you should be able to live happily
ever after even with a $50 ring. I've been married for 15 years and built a family and home and life together and amazingly only have a half carat ring.

If size is so important to you for some outward reason, though, then get a fake. They're very good now. Moissanite is nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you had no money a year ago yet you expect a $10K ring?

He's not your fiancé. He's your husband. You can't just be married for immigration and not married in the rest of your life--that's called fraud.

Your husband is a fool and would be better off putting any money into retirement savings or paying off the credit cards he's probably already run up trying to please you.

We ARE married. He can't give me a ring as a gesture of his love? He felt really badly about not having cash on hand to do it before we married.

He can get you a ring as a gesture - but the demand for a specific ring that is out of bounds financially is not a "gesture". I think the ring he's proposing sounds perfectly appropriate until you're both completely financially ready for your expectation.,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with your expectations in this scenario. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a style preference and I think it's good for couples to talk about what kind of style ring the woman would want. I have discussed it with my BF! However if your BF has told you he can't afford what you want, I think you should give in. I know I would. I love my BF dearly and for me, the carat and specific cut isn't as important as the commitment it symbolizes. A smaller ring can be just as beautiful. It makes you sound very materialistic and selfish, to be honest.

OP here. I am not materialistic. I already eloped with him on short notice because he proposed and said he could not afford to get me a ring or have a nice wedding. He promised in a year or so, he'd give me a nice ring as a symbol of his love and we'd have a subsequent "wedding party" for our family and friends. I just thought that after waiting 2 years, he'd be able to get me the ring of my dreams.

Sorry, Princess. You eloped with him to speed up the naturalization process. Own it.

Split the cost of the "ring of your dreams" (ugh) with your husband.