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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]greasy floors are a slip/fall risk. Chicken juice on the counter is a sanitation issue. This isn't just a question of how you prefer to load the spoons in the dishwasher, or what side of the sink to keep the sponge on.

No need to make a war about it though. Just have a sit down and discuss what it takes to get the kitchen to "all the way clean". If he's willing to do all of it, great. If he's not, offer to do the final tasks while he helps the kids brush their teeth and read a bedtime story.

It's a simple conversation.[/quote]

Please don't use the phrase "all the way clean." Total toddler lecture.

My wife would say exactly the same thing about me. She hates when I cook because I don't clean to her standards. Here's the problem when it comes to the conversation: my wife is actually at least as bad at cleaning as me, she just cares about different crap than I do. I leave the counters less shiny than she does, because I use a sponge to make sure stuck in grime gets picked up. She gets them mirror clean by shining them with a paper towel, but when you run your hand over them, you feel the bits of food the paper towel didn't actually remove. I dirty more pans than she does, but I clean them up. She refuses to turn the heat all the way down when she simmers so she gets carbon buildup on our pans that I have to scrub off for an hour with barkeeper's friend. She claims I leave stuff on the dining room table instead of putting it away, but [b]she keeps an entire basket of random shit directly on our counter[/b]. She claims it is "essentials for the baby" because it contains one small bag of wipes. It also has her sunglasses, some thank you cards she never sent, various diet water squirt flavors, and some nail files. I am pretty sure these are not for the baby. She also walks into the kitchen, sees the thing I forgot to clean, and in a pique walks by eight thing she herself left out to fix the one thing I fucked up.

So when she tries to explain to me that I don't understand the concept of cleaning, she kind of sounds like an asshole with no cognitive flexibility. If I being up the things I don't like, I'm changing the subject or dismissing her concerns. If I bring them up in an entirely different conversation, I am starting an argument for no reason. So instead I just clean the house to the standards I consider reasonable and let her do the same.[/quote]

This is OP and I had to laugh at myself at this one. I totally do that too, and it is specifically a basket full of exactly the same things you describe: random bills, unopened and/or unsent mail, kids' junk I haven't made them put away yet. Okay so I do get your point and I acknowledge that I am a bit of a neat freak with blinders. You'll have to trust me that I have relaxed a lot since my DH and I got together and generally keep it moving forward in the face of former annoyances like socks under the coffee table, clothes on the bathroom floor, half-empty water bottles ALL over the house. And, DH does get around to picking those things up much of the time. The floors and counters really are a bone of contention for reasons others have stated, but I hear what you're saying.

Thanks to the other posters with empathy or specific tips. And please don't take this as a knock on DH's contribution to childcare. [b]Like I said, we're all satisfied with the division of labor[/b] and I think that includes the kids (DD helps him cook, for example).[/quote]

....except you're NOT satisfied with the division of labor. Hope you can work it out.[/quote]

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