Would you let your parent move in with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I didn't ask to be born, but they didn't ask to get old. When they get old, they are my responsibility, just like I was theirs.

This. People used to take care of their elderly famliy members. This is how I grew up in the Midwest. I think, as a society, we have lost something vital when we see our elderly as disposable and a hinderance to our lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

^^^Actually, it goes beyond losing something as a society. It is a loss of our humanity.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Parent has ability to cover cost of assisted living near me. Siblings are not involved/checked out, so no one around to help out or offer respite care except me and I have school-aged kids who are in a lot of activities. If we go the assisted living route, I would still be involved in his life on a regular basis but wouldn't have daily responsibility for meals, personal care, entertainment. Still, I feel guilty. I recognize that I can't do it all, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I didn't ask to be born, but they didn't ask to get old. When they get old, they are my responsibility, just like I was theirs.

Whose responsibility are people who grow old but don't have children then? [/quote

Nursing homes

[Anonymous]

OP, I work in this field and I am going to tell you that 9 times out of 10 it is actually *better* for the parent to go to ALF.

Let that sink in for a minute

It will be your parent's own space, where they can have their things how they want them, they can be social if they choose or not. They can eat when and where they want (room, dining room) and have meal choices.
They can be cranky to staff, not feel badly that they are cranky to their family.
They can make demands of the staff and not of you, and not feel badly because they are paying for that service.
Let the ALF do transportation to doctors, arrange for the podiatrist to cut nails, and you do the fun social visits.
Are you going to provide hygiene? Showers? Toileting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Parent has ability to cover cost of assisted living near me. Siblings are not involved/checked out, so no one around to help out or offer respite care except me and I have school-aged kids who are in a lot of activities. If we go the assisted living route, I would still be involved in his life on a regular basis but wouldn't have daily responsibility for meals, personal care, entertainment. Still, I feel guilty. I recognize that I can't do it all, though.

He may be happier there. We couldn't provide my MIL with the social as we were constantly on the go and she was much happier being around others once she got adjusted. It will not be much fun for him to sit home while you are out/about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I didn't ask to be born, but they didn't ask to get old. When they get old, they are my responsibility, just like I was theirs.

This. People used to take care of their elderly famliy members. This is how I grew up in the Midwest. I think, as a society, we have lost something vital when we see our elderly as disposable and a hinderance to our lifestyle.

Have you tried to take care of a dementia or very ill person? Its far easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just did. My mother wanted to stay in their home in NC and she got her wish. She died a little over two years ago. Last summer my father was diagnosed with metasticized squamous skin cancer. After one operation in NC, we moved him to our house for radiation and what ended up to be a second operation. He entered hospice shortly after the radiation W as done and died two weeks ago tomorrow. We moved him into DH and my room so he could have the en suite bathroom. Our house is a custom L shaped rambler so it was perfect for him. It was a long slog, but worth it. I am comforted that we did the right thing for him and he was comfortable and happy. DH was fantastic.

I'm sorry for your loss PP.

[Anonymous]

It would depend a lot on the circumstances. Not my current 1,300 square foot townhome with only two functional bedrooms, no. But if my mom sold her house and we purchased something halfway in between, with a better layout, then yes.

She also has enough money to go to a CCRC, and will probably enter one of those in the next few years. So it may be a moot point. But whatever happens, I intend on being there as frequently as possible to help her with things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I didn't ask to be born, but they didn't ask to get old. When they get old, they are my responsibility, just like I was theirs.

This. People used to take care of their elderly famliy members. This is how I grew up in the Midwest. I think, as a society, we have lost something vital when we see our elderly as disposable and a hinderance to our lifestyle.

Have you tried to take care of a dementia or very ill person? Its far easier said than done.

+1. People used to not live so long. Unless you know what it is to provide long-term care to someone with dementia, do not judge. Pick the dried crap out of your MIL's butt pubes and see how you feel about nursing homes then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I didn't ask to be born, but they didn't ask to get old. When they get old, they are my responsibility, just like I was theirs.

This. People used to take care of their elderly famliy members. This is how I grew up in the Midwest. I think, as a society, we have lost something vital when we see our elderly as disposable and a hinderance to our lifestyle.

Have you tried to take care of a dementia or very ill person? Its far easier said than done.

+1. People used to not live so long. Unless you know what it is to provide long-term care to someone with dementia, do not judge. Pick the dried crap out of your MIL's butt pubes and see how you feel about nursing homes then.

So you would rather a minimum wage worker do that instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I didn't ask to be born, but they didn't ask to get old. When they get old, they are my responsibility, just like I was theirs.

This. People used to take care of their elderly famliy members. This is how I grew up in the Midwest. I think, as a society, we have lost something vital when we see our elderly as disposable and a hinderance to our lifestyle.

Have you tried to take care of a dementia or very ill person? Its far easier said than done.

+1. People used to not live so long. Unless you know what it is to provide long-term care to someone with dementia, do not judge. Pick the dried crap out of your MIL's butt pubes and see how you feel about nursing homes then.

So you would rather a minimum wage worker do that instead?

Yes, as the have the skill and time. With dementia, its worse than a 2 year old. My MIL could not function at all. She could not eat without being told and assistance (i.e. sit there), could not use a phone or even verbalize she was hungry or needed something. She could not get dressed, do her hair or bathe. I could not leave the house for days on end, which meant my young child missed school and his stuff because she would not come along for the drive or leave the house. Maybe you are a better person than me, but after 6 months and exhausted, we had to place her in a nursing home. I still spend many hours a week managing her finances, doing her paperwork, visiting, shopping and tending to her needs.

[Anonymous]

I will look after my parents and my inlaws if they want to live with us. If they need 24/7 care, I will see what our options and circumstances are. In any case, I will not abandon my family, and if we can't afford help, we will do what we can in our own house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I didn't ask to be born, but they didn't ask to get old. When they get old, they are my responsibility, just like I was theirs.

This. People used to take care of their elderly famliy members. This is how I grew up in the Midwest. I think, as a society, we have lost something vital when we see our elderly as disposable and a hinderance to our lifestyle.

Have you tried to take care of a dementia or very ill person? Its far easier said than done.

Yes. Twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws, yes. My parents, no.

+1 I would be happy to take care of my inlaws, my parents would destroy my sanity and my marriage.