My teen's room is a disaster...I am getting desperate...please help me help him

[Anonymous]

No food allowed in the bedroom
He does his own laundry
No cleaning lady in his room
Let the rest go

[Anonymous]

If he puts clean clothes in the hamper, he obviously needs something as convenient as a hamper for clean clothes. How about two or so laundry baskets, one for shirts and one for pants, for clean clothes? They can live on the floor.

[Anonymous]

I also have a boy with ADD & a messy room. No food ever in the room. Right now he is overwhelmed with the end of his first year of high school and sports so a lot of things slide. He takes way more ownership of the situation during the summer when the expectations for chores goes way up because there isn't any homework.

[Anonymous]

Just keep the food out of his room.

[Anonymous]

Simple:

Everyday, anything left on the floor or purposely not put in the right plave goes in a basket. He needs to do a chore to get each item back (wi flex mirrors, empty dishwasher, vacuum one room.) If something is not claimed in 1 week, it goes to Good Will. No arguing, no negotiations.

No food in the bedroom. Only bottled water.

If he doesn't put clean clothes away in drawers or closets, he does the laundry for a week.


When teens act like toddlers, they get treated like toddlers. And this is not an ADD disorder. This is a TEEN disorder. Don't let his diagnosis be a crutch.

[Anonymous]

If you had to live in a hotel for a month (because your house was getting renovated) and he had to choose the must have stuff to take to the hotel, that is the amount of stuff he needs in his room.

Empty out his room completely. Make him put back the must have stuff in the room. Then start to go through and purge things he does not need.

[Anonymous]

Take everything away, except necessities (i.e. clothing) and pile it neatly in the basement. Each day he gets to pick one thing to take back. As long as his room is neat, he can continue to "shop" his stuff in your basement. If the room gets messy, he loses the last thing he reclaimed. If it stays messy, he loses the previous thing, until he cleans the room or you have all the stuff again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am ready to get a dumpster and just haul everything out and start all over. Let me start by saying that I have taken many steps to help organize DS. I even labeled the shelves in his closet on where things go, so he can easily find things.

My 15 year old will not throw anything out. Anything. His trash can is always empty, but piles and piles of papers, magazines, device cables, devices, books, clothes, food, empty food packages, empty water bottles, pens, pencils, are strewn all over the floor on a regular basis. The only time this is not the case is when the cleaning lady comes. She is a saint and doesn't complain. I usually ask him to pick up before hand, but his approach is to pile all this stuff on top of his desk, which is piled high about 2 feet with books papers and junk and throw any clean clothes on the floor in his closet, rather than fold and put away. He has plenty of shelf space to put books and papers, but he doesn't use it. He will not let me help him organize anymore and will not throw anything out...even old papers from school.

When I do his laundry and ask him to put it away, nothing is put where it belongs, and consequently he can't find something important like a sports jersey or something he really needs. Socks end up on the t-shirt drawer, athletic shorts end up in the pajama drawer...nothing is where it belongs. It is really a problem to the point that i have started putting his stuff away for him because I can't take trying to help him find things or going out to buy new stuff because he lost them. By the way, we did try having him fold and put away, and that was even worse.

He has ADHD, and not medicated. Bright kid, good student getting mostly As in a challenging curriculum. Can't do meds because of side effects.

Please tell me I am not alone here, and if anyone has any suggestions on how to help this kid (who is beginning to resent me). I worry about how he is going to manage when he leaves home for college in a few years. Is there a professional I can hire to help him get organized? Should I cross post this on kids with special needs, or is this a universal issue among all teen boys?

You are not alone. Has bright child with ADHD not medicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take everything away, except necessities (i.e. clothing) and pile it neatly in the basement. Each day he gets to pick one thing to take back. As long as his room is neat, he can continue to "shop" his stuff in your basement. If the room gets messy, he loses the last thing he reclaimed. If it stays messy, he loses the previous thing, until he cleans the room or you have all the stuff again.

oh, leave him alone. My mother & I fought over when/how/if I put my clean clothes up. It ruined our relationship as a teenager and still has negative consequences today. I do say, no food. Also, do have a day to help him go through paperwork, it can be done while you two watch a movie together. Have him go through cords & plugs to see if he still needs them, if so, they can be tossed in a box & he can deal with the tangle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My 15 year old will not throw anything out. Anything. His trash can is always empty, but piles and piles of papers, magazines, device cables, devices, books, clothes, food, empty food packages, empty water bottles, pens, pencils, are strewn all over the floor on a regular basis. The only time this is not the case is when the cleaning lady comes. She is a saint and doesn't complain. I usually ask him to pick up before hand, but his approach is to pile all this stuff on top of his desk, which is piled high about 2 feet with books papers and junk and throw any clean clothes on the floor in his closet, rather than fold and put away. He has plenty of shelf space to put books and papers, but he doesn't use it. He will not let me help him organize anymore and will not throw anything out...even old papers from school.

When I do his laundry and ask him to put it away, nothing is put where it belongs, and consequently he can't find something important like a sports jersey or something he really needs. Socks end up on the t-shirt drawer, athletic shorts end up in the pajama drawer...nothing is where it belongs. It is really a problem to the point that i have started putting his stuff away for him because I can't take trying to help him find things or going out to buy new stuff because he lost them. By the way, we did try having him fold and put away, and that was even worse.

I have a son with extreme ADHD. Here's what I would do:

1. Things like water bottles and food would not be allowed in the room. If he didn't follow the rules, he would not be allowed to have water in water bottles or food that is packaged. If that was a problem, I'd stop buying the things that he is taking into his room. We can live without having water bottles in our house and if my son can't manage them, we just do without.

2. I realized a long time ago that my son's system of organization doesn't work for me. So, I don't care if socks are in the sock drawer or the pants drawer. Whether something is away is in the eye of the beholder.

3. As for not being able to find things, the clothing my son needs for his team sports are kept in my bedroom. All shoes are kept in a shelf by the back door. Everything else, I don't care because it doesn't inconvenience me. I really don't care if he wears mismatched clothes or if he doesn't have sock to wear because he can't find them.

4. Laundry is a problem. I got rid of dressers and put shelves in his closet. He can keep his clothes in a laundry basket for all I care. He also has a hamper in his room. They can be kept on the closet floor.

5. Rather than allowing my son to take papers and the like into his bedroom, I put a basket by the back door. A few times a year we work together to clean it out. It works best to do it at night because he tends to be more capable of organizing things and making decisions to throw things away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take everything away, except necessities (i.e. clothing) and pile it neatly in the basement. Each day he gets to pick one thing to take back. As long as his room is neat, he can continue to "shop" his stuff in your basement. If the room gets messy, he loses the last thing he reclaimed. If it stays messy, he loses the previous thing, until he cleans the room or you have all the stuff again.

PP here. I also did something like this. I asked my son what he wanted to use his room for. He asked for a TV and a chair. So, we ended up getting rid of everything but a chair, TV, bed and some clothes. He also sometimes likes to sleep on the floor, so he keeps a sleeping bag in his room too - he has a cat and the cat doesn't always like to climb into his bed, which is a loft.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple:

Everyday, anything left on the floor or purposely not put in the right plave goes in a basket. He needs to do a chore to get each item back (wi flex mirrors, empty dishwasher, vacuum one room.) If something is not claimed in 1 week, it goes to Good Will. No arguing, no negotiations.

No food in the bedroom. Only bottled water.

If he doesn't put clean clothes away in drawers or closets, he does the laundry for a week.


When teens act like toddlers, they get treated like toddlers. And this is not an ADD disorder. This is a TEEN disorder. Don't let his diagnosis be a crutch.

+1

Why is there no mention of punishment? His actions and lack of cleanliness are an unacceptable action and therefore there should be consequences. No consequences, no change in behavior. This really isn't that hard of a problem to solve, but you just let him walk all over you.

[Anonymous]

My entire family is in the Marie Kondo method. If the room gets out of control, they get to have a fun weekend with me getting back on track. That is worse than death by fire for my kids. Also prior to starting this method thry were subjected to the audio book.

Absolutely no food is allowed out of the kitchen. That is just gross.

[Anonymous]

When a teen keeps a messy room it is a smoke screen - a method of communication. Read a parenting book or ask a professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a teen keeps a messy room it is a smoke screen - a method of communication. Read a parenting book or ask a professional.

Lol!!!