Expenses paid for by a relative

[Anonymous]

Provided grandmother-in-law has had enough for her living expenses and final expenses I think you should accept it. It gives her the gift of seeing where her $ is going. Keep her involved in the child's education- send copies of school projects, papers, etc. This seems much better than $ going to higher estate taxes. Then accept that this will like be or be part of your inheritance. Finally, don't advertise to the rest of the family that she is doing this, inheritance is a sticky topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Provided grandmother-in-law has had enough for her living expenses and final expenses I think you should accept it. It gives her the gift of seeing where her $ is going. Keep her involved in the child's education- send copies of school projects, papers, etc. This seems much better than $ going to higher estate taxes. Then accept that this will like be or be part of your inheritance. Finally, don't advertise to the rest of the family that she is doing this, inheritance is a sticky topic.

That's another issue I hadn't thought of. Her son, my husband's uncle, might be bitter about it. No way to stop that, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Provided grandmother-in-law has had enough for her living expenses and final expenses I think you should accept it. It gives her the gift of seeing where her $ is going. Keep her involved in the child's education- send copies of school projects, papers, etc. This seems much better than $ going to higher estate taxes. Then accept that this will like be or be part of your inheritance. Finally, don't advertise to the rest of the family that she is doing this, inheritance is a sticky topic.

That's another issue I hadn't thought of. Her son, my husband's uncle, might be bitter about it. No way to stop that, though.

In that case, it's almost better to receive the $ now while she has control of it.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the people on this board so bitter about grandparents paying for education, vacations, etc. They have the money and perhaps would like to see it being used for worthy/fun things? And we should begrudge them that? Our money can only help our family when we are dead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful replies. I don't think there is strings attached. I think I'm imagining the strings being there. It's my husband's grandmother who has quite a bit of money and has offered to pay a chunk of tuition without being asked. I feel grateful but also feel a little uneasy. I think she has a full heart and good intentions but it's a lot of money... I guess I'll always feel like saying thank you isn't enough.

I'm not sure how you'd refuse this in a way that doesn't hurt her feelings. She wants to make sure her great grandchild has a good education and you seem like a decent person who would appreciate the money. Take the money and once a month, send her a mailed photo or child artwork. No need to keep saying thanks, but the monthly letter keeps her involved in your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts.

It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money.

I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth.

Had my house paid for, my HUGE EXPENSIVE WEDDING paid for, European vacations paid for, my IVF treatment paid for, and children's future education paid for ... Suck it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful replies. I don't think there is strings attached. I think I'm imagining the strings being there. It's my husband's grandmother who has quite a bit of money and has offered to pay a chunk of tuition without being asked. I feel grateful but also feel a little uneasy. I think she has a full heart and good intentions but it's a lot of money... I guess I'll always feel like saying thank you isn't enough.

I'm not sure how you'd refuse this in a way that doesn't hurt her feelings. She wants to make sure her great grandchild has a good education and you seem like a decent person who would appreciate the money. Take the money and once a month, send her a mailed photo or child artwork. No need to keep saying thanks, but the monthly letter keeps her involved in your lives.

This. I knew several people in college whose grandparents paid for part or all of their college education. Few people would shy away from accepting a gift of a contribution to their child's 529, this isn't really all that different. You're accepting a gift of education on behalf of your child. It seems like it's the amount that concerns you which is something you should discuss with your DH including (1) what happens if the $ runs out before your kid graduates, (2) how it could impact relationship and future inheritance dealings with BIL, and (3) your concerns about whether there are truly no string attached. It's his family, so he can assess all of those things better than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts.

It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money.

I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth.

Whoa. What's it to you?? Myob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts.

It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money.

I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth.

Had my house paid for, my HUGE EXPENSIVE WEDDING paid for, European vacations paid for, my IVF treatment paid for, and children's future education paid for ... Suck it.

I hope you don't brag like that in real because it's incredibly obnoxious. There's nothing wrong with accepting gifts but there IS something wrong with getting something for nothing and then throwing it in people's faces.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you want your kid in private school? That's a factor too.

[Anonymous]

Just be sure you are either able to pick up the bills if something happens, or able to move your kids without too much drama. The 'something' could be a wide range of things you haven't thought of, so just be prepared.

[Anonymous]

just don't become a snob...

also, is this gift freely given? does it actually affect the lifestyle of the giver?

It is a nice thing to let people be generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts.

It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money.

I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth.

You sound nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts.

It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money.

I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth.

Had my house paid for, my HUGE EXPENSIVE WEDDING paid for, European vacations paid for, my IVF treatment paid for, and children's future education paid for ... Suck it.

I hope you don't brag like that in real because it's incredibly obnoxious. There's nothing wrong with accepting gifts but there IS something wrong with getting something for nothing and then throwing it in people's faces.

Oh yes! It's what I lead with!
" why hello judgemental, sanctimonious, DCUM reading asshat! I've been lavishly spoiled by Mommy and Daddy because I'm so special and better than you.
Here is my wedding album. Please fawn over my gorgeously epic ceremony and reception. I carry it with me. Just for this very reason."

Seriously though, who are you hanging with that they are giving you these sorts of details? Do you have friends that rub this kind of thing in your face? I do answer honestly if people want to know how we afford our lifestyle with our somewhat humble careers. Not to rub it in, but to assure people that we aren't wizards or something. Also, because I'm not the least bit ashamed of it. They are wonderful gifts given freely and with love. It's just the kind of family we are. I'll do everything I can to steward the family wealth responsibly and provide the same life for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

Just say wow is that generous, we could never repay you. <Listen>
Our child could never repay you either, are you sure and there are no strings attached? <Listen>
We will think about it, thanks so much.


It could also be a part of their estate planning, gifting it away for school tuition is more tax friendly than dying and giving it half to gov't and half to heirs who may also be taxed on it.