Expenses paid for by a relative
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Anonymous
| I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks |
Anonymous
| That isn't really enough detail. By whom? Why? Do your kids need private school? |
Anonymous
| If the money ends a few years down the road, will you need to move your kids back to public? Will that bother you/them? |
Anonymous
I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts. It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money. I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth. |
Anonymous
Not OP but why the vitriol? My parents lucked out on the housing market so their mortgage is very low and they have been able to save a lot. We work a and make good $ ourselves but they want to help us especially by helping our kid. In this case it's paying for a nanny (I planned and budgeted for a nanny share) to make our lives easier for a couple years. Their parents paid for my nanny etc. I've gotten lovely generous but never expected gifts from them over the years including our wedding which we planned to pay for ourselves but could not turn them down (we tried and got into a huge fight about how important it was for them to contribute and how it was all my father worked for etc). If the relationships are good between family members and everyone has saved enough for heir own retirement wrc I don't see why it's a problem. I've certainly never hid that our parents helped us. I don't throw it into anyone's face either. We are extremely lucky and I hope to be able to do that for my children. |
Anonymous
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In my family culture, the grandparent generation pays for the grandchild generation's schooling. All of it. This arrangement has gone back many, many generations. We know we will pay for our grandkids' educations, but we still have a couple decades to save for that. This system helps out the "sandwich generation."
Every family culture has their own way of understanding the role and use of money. This is ours. |
Anonymous
| I know several grandparents paying. I think it is great. My dad offered to pay and changed his mine. His girlfriend needed the money for a vacation and her hobbies. We ended up paying as we could but I see no issue I grandparents or others helping the children. |
Anonymous
It's not a handout. There is far more to your anger such as they could do it and didn't. My parents make lots of promises and and never do it. They have plenty of money but scream poverty. I have no issue with relatives helping. You cannot take the money with you when you die. |
Anonymous
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My mom inherited money after my grandma passed last year. Shortly after that, my FIL was diagnosed with cancer. We don't really have the funds to visit very much, but my parents wanted to be helpful by paying for our plane tickets so we can go whenever are able. It's a few thousand dollars, but it's been nice knowing we're not adding debt in FIL's final months while we spend what precious time is left. We didn't ask for it, and we don't expect it every time we buy tickets. But, in all honesty, I know my grandma would have done this for us if she had still been around. She was just like that-would have slipped us a check somehow. My family knows how important my husband's family is to him and this is their way of being helpful and caring.
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Anonymous
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16:09, you're way off base here. A gift is a gift. OP is lucky. Why begrudge the boost to afford private school?
OP, if the relative is in good financial shape, take the offer gratefully. Maybe they seem some spark or incredible potential in your kids that they want to foster. Enjoy your good fortune and brush off the naysayers. |
Anonymous
Jealous? |
Anonymous
This is rather strange. Rich people pay for a lot of kid/grandkid stuff. It is one way to reduce the estate tax a bit. |
Anonymous
OP, your answer is in your first sentence. You should not accept this offer. If you don't feel comfortable, there is surely a reason. You know it in your heart, this offer would come with strings attached. Perhaps you could ask the relative instead, to help fund some really wonderful summer camp/trip educational experiences? Something that happens on a one time basis but not something to expect yearly? |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks for all the helpful replies. I don't think there is strings attached. I think I'm imagining the strings being there. It's my husband's grandmother who has quite a bit of money and has offered to pay a chunk of tuition without being asked. I feel grateful but also feel a little uneasy. I think she has a full heart and good intentions but it's a lot of money... I guess I'll always feel like saying thank you isn't enough. |
Anonymous
It sounds like a genuine gift. What a wonderful gift indeed. It will hopefully foster a love of learning and an appreciation of a great education. I think you will look back and regret not giving your child the best school experience possible. - parent of kid at low performing school |