Expenses paid for by a relative

[Anonymous]

OP, if you did not come from a family that could help, it is not your normal. My grandparents helped with college and my first car. They were far from wealthy but we meant the world to them. A simple thank you and regular phone calls and visits was plenty. They truly loved us and it wasn't just shown in money. They cannot take the money with them. Personally if your kids are in public and ok, I'd ask for a college fund instead.

[Anonymous]

Sure, why not? I would accept any family contributions regarding my children's education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful replies. I don't think there is strings attached. I think I'm imagining the strings being there. It's my husband's grandmother who has quite a bit of money and has offered to pay a chunk of tuition without being asked. I feel grateful but also feel a little uneasy. I think she has a full heart and good intentions but it's a lot of money... I guess I'll always feel like saying thank you isn't enough.

I would say yes. Sounds like an absolutely lovely, kind, generous offer of truesupport that would probably bring her great joy. My in laws are wealthy - own multiple properties and run 2 very successful businesses. They have never offered a penny and that's fine. It's their right. But like another poster said - you can't take it with you. I have no idea what they're "saving" for.

[Anonymous]

Different scenario, but my in-laws have given us significant gifts on more than one occasion, and we accept it gratefully. Specifically, they have offered house down payments to us twice. They have been very clear that rather than have much money for inheritance, they want their kids to have it while younger and more in need, and also while they're alive and can enjoy our enjoyment of it. They are healthy relationships with no strings attached to anything, which I think is key in feeling okay about it on our end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts.

It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money.

I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth.

You need to go to therapy. You're a bitter, nasty bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful replies. I don't think there is strings attached. I think I'm imagining the strings being there. It's my husband's grandmother who has quite a bit of money and has offered to pay a chunk of tuition without being asked. I feel grateful but also feel a little uneasy. I think she has a full heart and good intentions but it's a lot of money... I guess I'll always feel like saying thank you isn't enough.

OP, your husband's grandmother is elderly, and has more money than she will spend. If a significant chunk would have to go to inheritance tax, she's probably also looking for way to "gift" that money now without triggering gift taxes. Also, she's sending her great-grandchildren to school, not giving money to some random person (you). I think when your children have children, you'll understand that feeling better -- it's all in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts.

It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money.

I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth.

+1

I don't agree with your delivery, but I have to admit, since this is anon, I feel the same about this. If I find out that someone was supported by their parents, especially as parents themselves, I look at them differently; and far less favorably. I think of it as spoiled, and not in a good way. I feel like you can't support yourselves, or your lifestyle, and you are trying to be someone you are not. This automatically voids any of your "accomplishments", in my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different scenario, but my in-laws have given us significant gifts on more than one occasion, and we accept it gratefully. Specifically, they have offered house down payments to us twice. They have been very clear that rather than have much money for inheritance, they want their kids to have it while younger and more in need, and also while they're alive and can enjoy our enjoyment of it. They are healthy relationships with no strings attached to anything, which I think is key in feeling okay about it on our end.

Can they adopt us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the helpful replies. I don't think there is strings attached. I think I'm imagining the strings being there. It's my husband's grandmother who has quite a bit of money and has offered to pay a chunk of tuition without being asked. I feel grateful but also feel a little uneasy. I think she has a full heart and good intentions but it's a lot of money... I guess I'll always feel like saying thank you isn't enough.

I would say yes. Sounds like an absolutely lovely, kind, generous offer of truesupport that would probably bring her great joy. My in laws are wealthy - own multiple properties and run 2 very successful businesses. They have never offered a penny and that's fine. It's their right. But like another poster said - you can't take it with you. I have no idea what they're "saving" for.

+1

Same with my MIL. She will probably use it to play favorites, as she has always done. Which is ridiculous, but if that is the legacy she wants to leave, so be it - it's on her, not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:09, you're way off base here. A gift is a gift. OP is lucky. Why begrudge the boost to afford private school?

OP, if the relative is in good financial shape, take the offer gratefully. Maybe they seem some spark or incredible potential in your kids that they want to foster. Enjoy your good fortune and brush off the naysayers.

My new motto - thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never felt comfortable taking money from family. An offer has been presented to my family to pay for 70% of my children's private education. Normally I would say no but this is too good to pass up. I don't like feeling like I "owe" anyone anything. Does anyone here have stories or suggestions for my situation? Thanks

I really can't stand people like you, OP. My parents had more than enough money to buy me a home and to pay for private school if my kids weren't in public. But AS ADULTS, we don't take handouts.

It's one thing to receive an inheritance but quite another to pretend you're living better than you are b/c you're being supported by a relative with more money.

I know so many people in your situation who take fabulous vacations their parents paid for their homes and supplemented tuition. They won't ever admit to it, but I know their truth.

Had my house paid for, my HUGE EXPENSIVE WEDDING paid for, European vacations paid for, my IVF treatment paid for, and children's future education paid for ... Suck it.

Do you ever feel like less of a human being? Or a failure? That you can't afford your own tastes or lifestyle, as a grown adult?

[Anonymous]

My parents have been exceptionally generous. My mother grew up with parents who were wealthy, but miserly. She always resented that her parents were withholding financially and never offered a dime when she and my dad could have used some help.

When my mom's parents died, she saw what happens when you simply sit on your wealth - horrific amount siphoned off via taxes.

My mom then made it her goal to share and gift to all of her children and grandchildren because you literally can't take it with you.

Mom has given us money for vacations, to do a home improvement project, to send DD on an overseas school trip, etc. She repeatedly says she'd rather give her money to us now to see how we enjoy it rather than leave an inheritance after she's gone.

One caveat: DH and I do not share this info with my ILs. They'd disapprove because they could not match this generosity dollar for dollar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom inherited money after my grandma passed last year. Shortly after that, my FIL was diagnosed with cancer. We don't really have the funds to visit very much, but my parents wanted to be helpful by paying for our plane tickets so we can go whenever are able. It's a few thousand dollars, but it's been nice knowing we're not adding debt in FIL's final months while we spend what precious time is left. We didn't ask for it, and we don't expect it every time we buy tickets. But, in all honesty, I know my grandma would have done this for us if she had still been around. She was just like that-would have slipped us a check somehow. My family knows how important my husband's family is to him and this is their way of being helpful and caring.

So kind

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you did not come from a family that could help, it is not your normal. My grandparents helped with college and my first car. They were far from wealthy but we meant the world to them. A simple thank you and regular phone calls and visits was plenty. They truly loved us and it wasn't just shown in money. They cannot take the money with them. Personally if your kids are in public and ok, I'd ask for a college fund instead.[/quote]

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have been exceptionally generous. My mother grew up with parents who were wealthy, but miserly. She always resented that her parents were withholding financially and never offered a dime when she and my dad could have used some help.

When my mom's parents died, she saw what happens when you simply sit on your wealth - horrific amount siphoned off via taxes.

My mom then made it her goal to share and gift to all of her children and grandchildren because you literally can't take it with you.

Mom has given us money for vacations, to do a home improvement project, to send DD on an overseas school trip, etc. She repeatedly says she'd rather give her money to us now to see how we enjoy it rather than leave an inheritance after she's gone.

One caveat: DH and I do not share this info with my ILs. They'd disapprove because they could not match this generosity dollar for dollar.

+1