Stupid Question Alert: What does it mean for your child to have/ be under IEP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does going to a private school avoid stigma? Your child is just stigmatized by a different group of kids.

Depends on what kind of stigma you are afraid of?

Stigma from peers or stigma from school administrators and teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for responding. I definitely appreciate the advice. Stigma--That's the word I was looking for. I want him to get these services if he needs them, but I don't want him to be stigmatized. I know it's probably nothing I can do about that. This process makes me feel as though my son's life is passing right in front of my eyes. I just want it to slow it all down.

There is something you can do - go all private either paying yourself or via your health insurance. Public services are just one way to do it. Its not the only way.

But once the child is ready for preschool things might become more difficult. Not sure where OP is located, but some states have good preschool programs like PEP in MD and VA. Private preschools may not be able or willing to cope with a child who is different in any way, unless it is a special needs school or inclusion school. Eventually the child has to go to school, so that's when doing everything privately may not be possible anymore. Plenty of people around here report that for mild ASD their child does the best with an IEP in public.

OP hasn't stated how severe or if she even knows as things can change, especially for the better in the next few years. We did private preschool and a small private school. Eventually we will go to public but the small class sizes were vital for our child. Its very easy to do all private if you are wiling to pay and can find the right fit. I'm glad we did all private but that is based on my child's needs.

PP, paying for private school means you are financially able--not willing. This price tag doesn't include any additional therapies that a child might need like occupational, speech, or behavioral therapy. Also, great if your kid needed small class sizes in the early years, but the OP has no way of knowing of what kind of supports her kid will need in the future. Private school for NT or SN is expensive.

Also, trying to avoid the stigma of an IEP under the autism label is nothing to be proud of. It will be harder to get an IEP when your kid is older so cross your fingers he doesn't need one once he gets into public.

Expensive is relative. We paid about $5-6000 for preschool. OT was 100% covered. ABA and Speech were minimal copays once we got insurance to pay. Prior that for a year we paid $150 a session. There are also clinics at U of MD and other school for speech therapy. Our private school is $1000 a month. Point is, it all can be done privately, and yes, it costs money but we were willing to make those sacrifices to do it. We have a small house in need of repairs, older cars/paid off, don't take vacations, etc. No one knows what the future brings but getting them the right help on the front end early on while their brains are still adapting, clearly has shown its worth.

There is a huge stigma. And, my child has changed enough where the label is no longer fitting. We will go to public soon and keep our private services. If he needs an IEP at this point, it will be minimal and no where what he would have needed years before. So, that to me, was worth keeping it all private. At this point, he'll probably barely qualify as academics are not an issue.

Just because you are not willing to go through the expense or time commitment doesn't mean its not worth it to someone else or they shouldn't do it. I will spend every ounce of disposable income we have to help my child be successful in the long run.

Most kids, regardless, could benefit from smaller class sizes and many other supports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does going to a private school avoid stigma? Your child is just stigmatized by a different group of kids.

Depends on what kind of stigma you are afraid of?

Stigma from peers or stigma from school administrators and teachers.

All of it. If you are in K. and have a significant IEP, it stays with you. When we transfer, the IEP and needs will look very different and be minimal. It would follow him through out his school career. Our private has been very welcome, parents very supportive and its been a non-issue. They don't care about the evaluations, keep records on his disability, etc. so it will not stay with him life long. Reality is people treat kids and families differently if the kids have SN. Some people are wonderful, but for the most part, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does going to a private school avoid stigma? Your child is just stigmatized by a different group of kids.

Depends on what kind of stigma you are afraid of?

Stigma from peers or stigma from school administrators and teachers.

For my child, I found that school administrators and teachers at our private school were poorly trained in special needs and weren't able to handle my child's special needs. They were quick to label him a "bad kid" and me "a bad parent." They were terrible, even when I was willing to spend money to have a psychologist meet with them to discuss what might make the situation better. The kids and their families weren't much better. My child was definitely "the weird one" and I was definitely labeled "the bad mom." It was a very high achieving group of parents and I felt like they thought they were going to catch something from us.

I quit in frustration and we trooped off to public school.

Our public school was terrific. We gave them a heads up on the way in and we had an IEP meeting right away. My child got terrific pull out supports and ST and a school psychologist. The public school emphasized tolerance and diversity and respect for others over "achieve at any cost." The teachers were trained in SNs and had resource people to call for help if they were frustrated. My child made friends and was accepted by his classmates. He had a lot of work to do on classroom behavior, but he got through it. He is now a happy, thriving 7th grader who excels in mainstream honors classes at his public junior high school.

Public school and an IEP saved my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does going to a private school avoid stigma? Your child is just stigmatized by a different group of kids.

Depends on what kind of stigma you are afraid of?

Stigma from peers or stigma from school administrators and teachers.

For my child, I found that school administrators and teachers at our private school were poorly trained in special needs and weren't able to handle my child's special needs. They were quick to label him a "bad kid" and me "a bad parent." They were terrible, even when I was willing to spend money to have a psychologist meet with them to discuss what might make the situation better. The kids and their families weren't much better. My child was definitely "the weird one" and I was definitely labeled "the bad mom." It was a very high achieving group of parents and I felt like they thought they were going to catch something from us.

I quit in frustration and we trooped off to public school.

Our public school was terrific. We gave them a heads up on the way in and we had an IEP meeting right away. My child got terrific pull out supports and ST and a school psychologist. The public school emphasized tolerance and diversity and respect for others over "achieve at any cost." The teachers were trained in SNs and had resource people to call for help if they were frustrated. My child made friends and was accepted by his classmates. He had a lot of work to do on classroom behavior, but he got through it. He is now a happy, thriving 7th grader who excels in mainstream honors classes at his public junior high school.

Public school and an IEP saved my kid.

can you share the school district?

[Anonymous]

OP, an IEP is a good thing. It allows you to get support and interventions for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for responding. I definitely appreciate the advice. Stigma--That's the word I was looking for. I want him to get these services if he needs them, but I don't want him to be stigmatized. I know it's probably nothing I can do about that. This process makes me feel as though my son's life is passing right in front of my eyes. I just want it to slow it all down.

There is something you can do - go all private either paying yourself or via your health insurance. Public services are just one way to do it. Its not the only way.

But once the child is ready for preschool things might become more difficult. Not sure where OP is located, but some states have good preschool programs like PEP in MD and VA. Private preschools may not be able or willing to cope with a child who is different in any way, unless it is a special needs school or inclusion school. Eventually the child has to go to school, so that's when doing everything privately may not be possible anymore. Plenty of people around here report that for mild ASD their child does the best with an IEP in public.

OP hasn't stated how severe or if she even knows as things can change, especially for the better in the next few years. We did private preschool and a small private school. Eventually we will go to public but the small class sizes were vital for our child. Its very easy to do all private if you are wiling to pay and can find the right fit. I'm glad we did all private but that is based on my child's needs.

PP, paying for private school means you are financially able--not willing. This price tag doesn't include any additional therapies that a child might need like occupational, speech, or behavioral therapy. Also, great if your kid needed small class sizes in the early years, but the OP has no way of knowing of what kind of supports her kid will need in the future. Private school for NT or SN is expensive.

Also, trying to avoid the stigma of an IEP under the autism label is nothing to be proud of. It will be harder to get an IEP when your kid is older so cross your fingers he doesn't need one once he gets into public.

Expensive is relative. We paid about $5-6000 for preschool. OT was 100% covered. ABA and Speech were minimal copays once we got insurance to pay. Prior that for a year we paid $150 a session. There are also clinics at U of MD and other school for speech therapy. Our private school is $1000 a month. Point is, it all can be done privately, and yes, it costs money but we were willing to make those sacrifices to do it. We have a small house in need of repairs, older cars/paid off, don't take vacations, etc. No one knows what the future brings but getting them the right help on the front end early on while their brains are still adapting, clearly has shown its worth.

There is a huge stigma. And, my child has changed enough where the label is no longer fitting. We will go to public soon and keep our private services. If he needs an IEP at this point, it will be minimal and no where what he would have needed years before. So, that to me, was worth keeping it all private. At this point, he'll probably barely qualify as academics are not an issue.

Just because you are not willing to go through the expense or time commitment doesn't mean its not worth it to someone else or they shouldn't do it. I will spend every ounce of disposable income we have to help my child be successful in the long run.

Most kids, regardless, could benefit from smaller class sizes and many other supports.

PP, you are a giant ass. You have great insurance coverage b/c your kid has an autism diagnosis. You also seem to be tone deaf as to other people's ability to pay for private. It's not a willingness issue. You also don't need to spend every ounce of your disposable income b/c there are public school services available--so stop being a martyr. BTW, there isn't a "huge" stigma--that's in your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does going to a private school avoid stigma? Your child is just stigmatized by a different group of kids.

Depends on what kind of stigma you are afraid of?

Stigma from peers or stigma from school administrators and teachers.

For my child, I found that school administrators and teachers at our private school were poorly trained in special needs and weren't able to handle my child's special needs. They were quick to label him a "bad kid" and me "a bad parent." They were terrible, even when I was willing to spend money to have a psychologist meet with them to discuss what might make the situation better. The kids and their families weren't much better. My child was definitely "the weird one" and I was definitely labeled "the bad mom." It was a very high achieving group of parents and I felt like they thought they were going to catch something from us.

I quit in frustration and we trooped off to public school.

Our public school was terrific. We gave them a heads up on the way in and we had an IEP meeting right away. My child got terrific pull out supports and ST and a school psychologist. The public school emphasized tolerance and diversity and respect for others over "achieve at any cost." The teachers were trained in SNs and had resource people to call for help if they were frustrated. My child made friends and was accepted by his classmates. He had a lot of work to do on classroom behavior, but he got through it. He is now a happy, thriving 7th grader who excels in mainstream honors classes at his public junior high school.

Public school and an IEP saved my kid.

can you share the school district?

Op here. Are you local? Could you please share the school district?

Thanks everyone for replying. I'm trying to take in all the information posted and again, it is very overwhelming. My DS was just diagnosed last week at the Kennedy Krieger Institute. We have not received the final report so I don't the severity of what we are facing. Will it tell me where to start? How will I know what is available? I have an older child who is currently in private and we don't want her life to be taken over with siblings' diagnosis.

I am more concerned about the stigma from teachers and administrators. And secretly I am afraid that I won't do the right thing, spend enough time, spend enough money and he will fail, he will fall through the cracks and it will be my fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does going to a private school avoid stigma? Your child is just stigmatized by a different group of kids.

Depends on what kind of stigma you are afraid of?

Stigma from peers or stigma from school administrators and teachers.

For my child, I found that school administrators and teachers at our private school were poorly trained in special needs and weren't able to handle my child's special needs. They were quick to label him a "bad kid" and me "a bad parent." They were terrible, even when I was willing to spend money to have a psychologist meet with them to discuss what might make the situation better. The kids and their families weren't much better. My child was definitely "the weird one" and I was definitely labeled "the bad mom." It was a very high achieving group of parents and I felt like they thought they were going to catch something from us.

I quit in frustration and we trooped off to public school.

Our public school was terrific. We gave them a heads up on the way in and we had an IEP meeting right away. My child got terrific pull out supports and ST and a school psychologist. The public school emphasized tolerance and diversity and respect for others over "achieve at any cost." The teachers were trained in SNs and had resource people to call for help if they were frustrated. My child made friends and was accepted by his classmates. He had a lot of work to do on classroom behavior, but he got through it. He is now a happy, thriving 7th grader who excels in mainstream honors classes at his public junior high school.

Public school and an IEP saved my kid.

can you share the school district?

Op here. Are you local? Could you please share the school district?

Thanks everyone for replying. I'm trying to take in all the information posted and again, it is very overwhelming. My DS was just diagnosed last week at the Kennedy Krieger Institute. We have not received the final report so I don't the severity of what we are facing. Will it tell me where to start? How will I know what is available? I have an older child who is currently in private and we don't want her life to be taken over with siblings' diagnosis.

I am more concerned about the stigma from teachers and administrators. And secretly I am afraid that I won't do the right thing, spend enough time, spend enough money and he will fail, he will fall through the cracks and it will be my fault.

OP, when you say "we don't know the severity of what we are facing," I understand that you want to read what the experts have to say, but your child is still your child. He's the same child he was last week. You know him. You know his strengths and weaknesses. You have an understanding of him that is as important (if not more important) than what is reported by experts. Please do not give over so much power to expert reports, especially about your son's prognosis and with the diagnosis of what is a spectrum disorder.

As for stigma, public or private, that depends on the school, the classroom, the group of kids, your child, and yes, your attitude. It also depends on the quality of your chlld's IEP. A good IEP can ease your child's transition into school and make it easy for him to function in a classroom, without stigma. No IEP? That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

OP, you of course have the right at any point to terminate proceedings and not follow through with evals and getting an IEP. The schools can't force you to do that.

Do not do that.

I understand you are wrestling with something difficult now which is that your 2 year old has a serious, lifelong diagnosis. However- pretending it doesn't exist and "hiding" it isn't going to make it go away. Having an IEP means he will get INDIVIDUALIZED education plans made for him with goals and accommodations that are appropriate for *him* instead of being thrown in a general ed classroom and forced to cope with things he can't and meet benchmarks he might not be able to. It will be tremendously difficult for him, and heartbreaking for you.

You have to do what every other SN parent has had to do at some point and come to grips with the fact that this is his reality and you, as his parent, have to be the strong one who makes sure he gets what he needs to have the best chance at success. That means an IEP. You cannot worry how this will "follow" him- if he's on the autism spectrum, people will know. That does not go away just because he isn't receiving special services.

An IEP for kids like this can mean the difference between excelling and failing. A good SLP, PT, OT team can do wonders, really, work miracles. Don't deny him that because you're afraid of him being "labeled." You gotta own the label.

[Anonymous]

Your child is very young, OP. Early intervention is the key right now. You can do it through the school system. And, you don't have to share that DS has been diagnosed with ASD. He could get help through their early intervention program and have a label of Developmental Delay. This is a category that the school ages kids out of at age 7.

This allows you to keep some things about your child's medical situation private while still getting county services. Most people love their county's pre-k and early intervention services.

A lot of things about a child's development are still fluid at 2. But KKI is one of the best places to have your child evaluated. I would take their diagnosis and recommendations very seriously.

My child was diagnosed with an ASD at age 3.5. Many things about his development were not really clear to me until about that age. I had suspicions at age 2. A lot is going to change -- hopefully for the better -- with maturity and therapy. Don't turn away any sources of help.

Are you in MoCo? There is a great parent organization that you can reach out to with questions: http://www.xminds.org