ILs seethe at our son's occasional bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

If you DH agree with you, let him say something about it, but FYI it's rude to do it in front of the guest. It lacks manner.

Will you be OK with it if you child do it again in front of other guests, whether it's at your house or others? If not, time to teach the kid some table manners.

Or is this just your battle with IL because you don't like them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are always quietly passing judgment on our three young children's behavior. Our youngest is seven and, all in all, a good kid. But he definitely has his moments. Recently he refused to sit for dinner and proceeded to try to make himself something he "liked." My ILs were seething and very free with the facial expressions. Later I overheard them whispering about it. What makes it tough is that there are subtle commentaries but nothing direct. I know my kids aren't perfect (whose are?), but my gut reaction is, if you don't like it don't come. But we also don't want to have a major blow up. What to do?

OP-- Don't listen to these other judgmental people who are just as bad as your ILs. You just continue to do what you believe is in your child's best interest and don't feel bad about it. If you feel that you should have reacted differently, then you will in the future. Otherwise, ignore these people. Unless people walk in your shoes it is very easy to judge.

Speaking as a person that's been in this situation as an "in-law" I'm not sure what OP is hoping for. My nephew went through a phase for a couple years where everything was just difficult. His parents were dealing with it the best they could but it sometimes made family dinners really frustrating. No one would say anything to criticize my sister or BIL but, yea, after 15 minutes sitting at the table waiting to be able to eat while they tried to get him to comply, I'm sure some of us looked annoyed. Heck, I bet OP looks annoyed herself when this is going down.

It's totally normal behavior on the kids part but that doesn't mean it isn't also obnoxious. And it's totally normal for adults to find it aggravating, even if they realize the kids behavior is normal. Kids are annoying, terrible, wonderful, loveable creatures sometimes and yes, even the most doting aunt or uncle or grandmother or grandfather is going to roll their eyes and sigh from time to time.

[Anonymous]

There are really two things at work here. One is your child's behavior and your reaction to it. People can debate whether you are doing the right thing or not until the cows come home. The other is your IL's reaction. That's not acceptable. Yes, your child needs to knock it off, and it sounds as if you are acknowledging that. I'd go with sit down and eat what we are having, or it's off to bed. No debate. The other issue is dealing with your huffy in-laws. Probably a nasty look back will solve it. And if it gets really bad, you'll need to say something. You may not like how our house is run, but it's not your house. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to go out on a limb and say that your ILs are not seething at their behavior, but your reaction to it. What were you and your spouse doing while your kid was ruining dinner for everyone else?

+1

+2

I get that 'kids will be kids,' but my sister's reaction to her 6-to-11 yr-old kids' transgressions in public or in group settings drives me insane.

I don't seethe at her kids, I seethe at her idiotic attitude that their behavior should be everyone's joy to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are always quietly passing judgment on our three young children's behavior. Our youngest is seven and, all in all, a good kid. But he definitely has his moments. Recently he refused to sit for dinner and proceeded to try to make himself something he "liked." My ILs were seething and very free with the facial expressions. Later I overheard them whispering about it. What makes it tough is that there are subtle commentaries but nothing direct. I know my kids aren't perfect (whose are?), but my gut reaction is, if you don't like it don't come. But we also don't want to have a major blow up. What to do?

OP-- Don't listen to these other judgmental people who are just as bad as your ILs. You just continue to do what you believe is in your child's best interest and don't feel bad about it. If you feel that you should have reacted differently, then you will in the future. Otherwise, ignore these people. Unless people walk in your shoes it is very easy to judge.

Speaking as a person that's been in this situation as an "in-law" I'm not sure what OP is hoping for. My nephew went through a phase for a couple years where everything was just difficult. His parents were dealing with it the best they could but it sometimes made family dinners really frustrating. No one would say anything to criticize my sister or BIL but, yea, after 15 minutes sitting at the table waiting to be able to eat while they tried to get him to comply, I'm sure some of us looked annoyed. Heck, I bet OP looks annoyed herself when this is going down.

It's totally normal behavior on the kids part but that doesn't mean it isn't also obnoxious. And it's totally normal for adults to find it aggravating, even if they realize the kids behavior is normal. Kids are annoying, terrible, wonderful, loveable creatures sometimes and yes, even the most doting aunt or uncle or grandmother or grandfather is going to roll their eyes and sigh from time to time.

This definitely puts it in perspective, especially coming from an in-law. Kids are tough especially at seven. If they were reasoning adults they would be adults. Of course their behavior needs to be guided and it can be exasperating for those in the moment, evenfor in-laws. But they need to be a little sympathetic too. It's pretty doubtful that their own children were models of child behavior all the time themselves.

[Anonymous]

You are free to raise your kids as you see fit. Others are allowed to privately disagree with it. They are whispering among themselves. So would it have been better if they did it and you didn't catch them? It's a free country. Don't expect that the choices you make regarding your children won't be judged by others they will. It sounds like you are more defensive about your kid's behavior.

If my ILs (who are not the greatest people) did that, I wouldn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually let your hild go fix himself something he "liked" after an adult prepared a full dinner?
You honestly think that was ok?

Not OP, but I allow my kids to do this and I 100% think it's okay. If my kids don't like dinner, they are free to make a sandwich and eat it with a piece of fruit. I am not doing it for them, but I don't make them eat what I have prepared.

It's a rule at our house that the kids have to try anything new, and they have to be polite when they decline to eat it, but they don't have to eat stuff they don't like. That is freakishly controlling.

Not every person cares for the same foods. People should not be forced to eat things that they don't enjoy. Food should be a pleasure, not a punishment, and people should have control over what they put in their own bodies.

But they should also sit down at the table during dinner and fix this second meal afterwards, or when you go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are free to raise your kids as you see fit. Others are allowed to privately disagree with it. They are whispering among themselves. So would it have been better if they did it and you didn't catch them? It's a free country. Don't expect that the choices you make regarding your children won't be judged by others they will. It sounds like you are more defensive about your kid's behavior.

If my ILs (who are not the greatest people) did that, I wouldn't care.

Nope. If they were private about it, OP wouldn't be aware of it. They are guests in someone else's home. You don't criticize your hosts when they are extending hospitality. So rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are always quietly passing judgment on our three young children's behavior. Our youngest is seven and, all in all, a good kid. But he definitely has his moments. Recently he refused to sit for dinner and proceeded to try to make himself something he "liked." My ILs were seething and very free with the facial expressions. Later I overheard them whispering about it. What makes it tough is that there are subtle commentaries but nothing direct. I know my kids aren't perfect (whose are?), but my gut reaction is, if you don't like it don't come. But we also don't want to have a major blow up. What to do?

OP-- Don't listen to these other judgmental people who are just as bad as your ILs. You just continue to do what you believe is in your child's best interest and don't feel bad about it. If you feel that you should have reacted differently, then you will in the future. Otherwise, ignore these people. Unless people walk in your shoes it is very easy to judge.

Speaking as a person that's been in this situation as an "in-law" I'm not sure what OP is hoping for. My nephew went through a phase for a couple years where everything was just difficult. His parents were dealing with it the best they could but it sometimes made family dinners really frustrating. No one would say anything to criticize my sister or BIL but, yea, after 15 minutes sitting at the table waiting to be able to eat while they tried to get him to comply, I'm sure some of us looked annoyed. Heck, I bet OP looks annoyed herself when this is going down.

It's totally normal behavior on the kids part but that doesn't mean it isn't also obnoxious. And it's totally normal for adults to find it aggravating, even if they realize the kids behavior is normal. Kids are annoying, terrible, wonderful, loveable creatures sometimes and yes, even the most doting aunt or uncle or grandmother or grandfather is going to roll their eyes and sigh from time to time.

This definitely puts it in perspective, especially coming from an in-law. Kids are tough especially at seven. If they were reasoning adults they would be adults. Of course their behavior needs to be guided and it can be exasperating for those in the moment, evenfor in-laws. But they need to be a little sympathetic too. It's pretty doubtful that their own children were models of child behavior all the time themselves.

Yea, it's one of those things where we knew it was totally normal for the age but it was still a rough couple of years. Kids are tough to be around sometimes, even when you love them to pieces, and not everyone has a great poker face. It doesn't mean they think your kids are awful or you're doing a bad job parenting them, sometimes it just means they're aggravated by an admittedly aggravating situation.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, ladies. A lot of you need to develop a thicker skin.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the person probably making multiple posts.

This is a classic situation. Many times kids get on old peoples' nerves, Keep on doing what you are doing. Old people have a selective memory of how well behaved their children were and how they dealt with discipline problems. My mother likes to claim I ate everything and never complained and she never had any problems with us and food. She thinks it's ridiculous that my daughter and one of her cousins drink Pediasure. She's remembering very selectively what went on in our own house.

You are on the right track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You actually let your hild go fix himself something he "liked" after an adult prepared a full dinner?
You honestly think that was ok?

Isn't that the going wisdom for picky eaters? Not turning food into a battle and also letting them know you aren't a short order cook?

[Anonymous]

Do they do this with your other two kids or just this one? If just him, maybe his behavior is a lot worse than you are admitting. In any case, I highly doubt this reaction occurred in a vacuum. Meaning, this particular incident may not have been huge in terms of mess ups but might have been a "oh there goes Rory acting up AGAIN" thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the person probably making multiple posts.

This is a classic situation. Many times kids get on old peoples' nerves, Keep on doing what you are doing. Old people have a selective memory of how well behaved their children were and how they dealt with discipline problems. My mother likes to claim I ate everything and never complained and she never had any problems with us and food. She thinks it's ridiculous that my daughter and one of her cousins drink Pediasure. She's remembering very selectively what went on in our own house.

You are on the right track.

Oh my own mother spouts off continuously how we (her kids) slept through the night every night, never misbehaved at the table, and did exactly as they were asked. That's not how I remember it! As far as food went, she ended up being a short order cook for my younger brother. Heaven forbid he should encounter a food he didn't absolutely love. Yet she looks horrified when one of my kids fusses over what's for dinner.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the problem with a kid making a sandwich if they don't want to eat the dinner. I used to do the same thing. As long as we didn't make a big production about it with whining and crying my mom tolerated it and we outgrew it around 11 or 12. OP, as long as your kid wasn't tantruming, making a mess, whining, crying or taking an inordinate amount of time to fix something then there's no problem and you can ignore the in laws. A kid who has eaten, even if not what was originally presented, is better behaved than a hungry, pissed off kid. It's better for everyone in the long run.