ILs seethe at our son's occasional bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Being passive aggressive certainly doesn't help resolve a problem. However, your 7 year old should sit and eat what's in front of him. It's basic manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually let your hild go fix himself something he "liked" after an adult prepared a full dinner?
You honestly think that was ok?

Isn't that the going wisdom for picky eaters? Not turning food into a battle and also letting them know you aren't a short order cook?

I am the pp of the above. My kids know that what I cook is what is available for dinner. I also always make things that I know they like. May try out a new side dish that they can try and choose not to take a serving. There are ALWAYS proven favorites on the table. Now that they are young teenagers, they often tell me "your food is the best".
It is downright rude for someone, regardless of age, to get up from a table and declare that they are going to make something they like. Especially when guests are at the table.
I have taught my kids to be polite at our table or anyone else's table. The result is that they eat like normal people, not self-important spoiled brats who have to get up and get themselves a "sandwich and a fruit" when there is a hot home cooked nourishing meal on the table.
Enjoy your leftovers.

[Anonymous]

I think there's some parenting problems here that are reinforcing bad behavior. Others see it too. Even so, the GP should not make faces. I once watched 3 kids at different times from the same parents. Their parenting consisted of bribery, ignore truly bad behavior, or threats with no follow through. I'm sorry to say the kids were pretty bad. The grand father came to pick up once, and whispered in my ear, "can you believe she's having another with those two".
This was her father fyi.

The GM picked them up twice in 4 years, and got the ones name confused with the other. Sorry the gp didn't handle it nicely, but maybe ask them for parenting advice next time.

Try to work on your parenting and kids behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to go out on a limb and say that your ILs are not seething at their behavior, but your reaction to it. What were you and your spouse doing while your kid was ruining dinner for everyone else?

+1

+1,000

How did you handle it? I would have shut that down before it even started.

Yep, nip bad behavior right away. If they are still ruining everyone else's dinner they get to promptly go to room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to go out on a limb and say that your ILs are not seething at their behavior, but your reaction to it. What were you and your spouse doing while your kid was ruining dinner for everyone else?

OP here. Firmly telling him to knock it off without going into full blow up mode. It's a balancing act.

Doesn't sound like it was all that firm if it went on more than 30 seconds. He would have had no chance whatsoever to be fixing something else if I had been handling it.

Your in-laws are right.

I agree. And I'd go back one step and ask what's going on with your discipline in general if your child even thinks that's acceptable. Kids don't get to refuse to sit. They don't get to flounce off into the kitchen and make their own dinner because they don't like what parents have prepared. That he thinks he can is indicative of a bigger problem, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Are they really "seething" at the behavior or are they just annoyed by your kids antics? Doesn't sound like you are particularly pleased with the behavior in question either so I'm not sure why you are expecting the in laws to be happy with it. They didn't intervene or tell you that you were doing it all wrong, they just didn't enjoy the behavior your child was displaying.

I don't enjoy listening to little ones throw tantrums and scream and I think everyone finds those experiences unpleasant, even though they are totally normal and to be expected. My lack of enjoyment at witnessing a tantrum doesn't mean I think their parents are doing anything wrong or that the kid is a brat, it's just not a fun thing to be around. Should I instead smile and say "This is the best thing ever!" every time it happens?

[Anonymous]

It's very hard to admit that your kids are assholes. Sounds like you don't like that your ILs notices your kid is an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually let your hild go fix himself something he "liked" after an adult prepared a full dinner?
You honestly think that was ok?

Isn't that the going wisdom for picky eaters? Not turning food into a battle and also letting them know you aren't a short order cook?

I am the pp of the above. My kids know that what I cook is what is available for dinner. I also always make things that I know they like. May try out a new side dish that they can try and choose not to take a serving. There are ALWAYS proven favorites on the table. Now that they are young teenagers, they often tell me "your food is the best".
It is downright rude for someone, regardless of age, to get up from a table and declare that they are going to make something they like. Especially when guests are at the table.
I have taught my kids to be polite at our table or anyone else's table. The result is that they eat like normal people, not self-important spoiled brats who have to get up and get themselves a "sandwich and a fruit" when there is a hot home cooked nourishing meal on the table.
Enjoy your leftovers.

+1

[Anonymous]

As noted modern parenting is different from traditional parenting in that most "modern parenting" is not parenting but allowing children to do whatever they wish to do no matter how distracting or rude. I cannot stand my sister's children. They were rude brats when they were young and rude 18 and 20 year olds. She is the only one who doesn't see what a piss poor parent she and DH are. Take a good look, OP.

[Anonymous]

If one of my kids did that, I'm sure my husband's response would be much more blunt than your IL's.

Try to ignore the faces if you can. Focus on getting a dynamic you enjoy with the kids. I really like the chapter on meal time from 123 Magic - found it helpful, and it's not counting towards a time out, it's about avoiding power struggles. I've found it worked with my low-appetite child.

[Anonymous]

If my kids ever acted like that in front of their grandparents, or any guests whether at our home or as guests in their home, I would be mortified and correct them immediately.

I am guessing from your description that your child didn't ask you politely in a low voice if he could excuse himself to make a sandwich since he really doesn't like liver and onions, and then quietly make a sandwich and return to the table.

That would be appropriate.

For context, my 5 year old doesn't like the spices my mom uses in her red sauce. I talked to him about it and agreed that he could ask politely for just Parmesan cheese on his noodles, with a "may I please" and that he would never announce he didn't like something as a guest because it might hurt he cooks feelings. He got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's very hard to admit that your kids are assholes. Sounds like you don't like that your ILs notices your kid is an asshole.

There is always one person who is able to sum up pages and pages of a thread with a few simple sentences. Here is this thread's person.

[Anonymous]

They're entitled to their opinions about what the are observing. They are right or wrong or just have a different opinion than you. But you should think about why this bothers you so much when they're not confronting you about it. Maybe their judgment and disapproval bother you bc part of you feels the same way. You may even be projecting some things on to them. Raise your children hoe you feel is sincerely best. IF you do that, others' opinions will not bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very hard to admit that your kids are assholes. Sounds like you don't like that your ILs notices your kid is an asshole.

There is always one person who is able to sum up pages and pages of a thread with a few simple sentences. Here is this thread's person.

However, PP is correct. OP and her DH are also assholes for allowing kid to get away with this behavior. No in-depth analysis is necessary.

[Anonymous]

WTF is it with whispering baby boomer ILs? If I catch mine doing it again, I am barring them from entering the premises.