Is it weird that I never want to "make love?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that women like this would think differently if they were with more talented partners.

My theory is you are 12 years old and trolling, but in case you are real, tell me why I would be more into love-making with a better lover?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that women like this would think differently if they were with more talented partners.

My theory is you are 12 years old and trolling, but in case you are real, tell me why I would be more into love-making with a better lover?

You are incorrect. So unclench. I am speaking from experience, and am married to a DW who initially exhibited the tendency to just get on down to it that some have expressed an affinity for. I sought more (foreplay). She balked at first, but with communication and skill, it got added. Ymmv.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to dissent a little, only becau of my personal experience. DH and I went through a patch where I felt this way, and it had to do with my own underlying issues stemming from sexual abuse as a child. The emotional connection from sex was too much from me, so I treated it like a porn star. It really hurt our relationship until I got counselling.

The interesting this is.. I never realized it was an issue until it became an issue. I always thought I enjoyed sex as much as the next gal, but it went a lot deeper than that. I could use sex for approval/ getting off... I just couldn't accept it as a means of emotional intimacy, and that was the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to dissent a little, only becau of my personal experience. DH and I went through a patch where I felt this way, and it had to do with my own underlying issues stemming from sexual abuse as a child. The emotional connection from sex was too much from me, so I treated it like a porn star. It really hurt our relationship until I got counselling.

The interesting this is.. I never realized it was an issue until it became an issue. I always thought I enjoyed sex as much as the next gal, but it went a lot deeper than that. I could use sex for approval/ getting off... I just couldn't accept it as a means of emotional intimacy, and that was the problem.

I was going to write something similar, but you beat me to it.
I have a friend who could never relate during our conversations about emotional sex, and thought "making love" was cheesy
Friend later shared having been abused as a kid/teen and in other relationships as an adult, as a result sex was just something dirty, to do to please the other person, and to get momentary attention. Sometimes pleasurable, but not loving or emotional.
Things didn't change until she started then boyfriend, and now DH, she initially got upset that he wanted more than just for her to act like a porn star.
and
OP, only you know yourself and your relationship, but my general advice is if you are questioning something it's worth some reflection. Also just to be clear I don't think everyone who prefers to bang over making love has been abused at some point.

[Anonymous]

I have zero sexual hang ups or abuse issues; and I hate the thought of making love.

Making love takes time and emotion, that I don't want to put into sex on a regular basis. A few times a year, sure. But I'd prefer to have sex at least five times a week, and while it doesn't have to be a quickie, I still have an end goal in mind that has nothing to do with tender caresses and holding each other in a wam embrace.

[Anonymous]

Porn is full of love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have zero sexual hang ups or abuse issues; and I hate the thought of making love.

Making love takes time and emotion, that I don't want to put into sex on a regular basis. A few times a year, sure. But I'd prefer to have sex at least five times a week, and while it doesn't have to be a quickie, I still have an end goal in mind that has nothing to do with tender caresses and holding each other in a wam embrace.

But this is not what OP is saying. She is saying they have never made love, and that she has no desire to do so.

There's a difference between weekday sex, and relaxed when you have time sex. Just like sometimes you make eggs for dinner so you have nutritious food, and other times you go for a few hours at a fancy restaurant, sipping fine fine wine, eating fancy appetizers or four courses, and just indulging the experience of it all.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Very interesting responses. I was drugged and acquaintance raped in college so there may be something deeper going on here with sexual intimacy making me feel too vulnerable. It's probably something I should explore in therapy. DH and I have both been very satisfied with our sex life but maybe we're missing out on something by my not being comfortable accessing this deeper connection here.

[Anonymous]

If you do just want to be fucked and don't want to make love, make sure you tell your S/O. Some guys want to make love because that's what they want. But other guys are doing it more because they're steeped in a culture that says women want an emotional experience and aren't as much into the purely physical thrill as guys are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do just want to be fucked and don't want to make love, make sure you tell your S/O. Some guys want to make love because that's what they want. But other guys are doing it more because they're steeped in a culture that says women want an emotional experience and aren't as much into the purely physical thrill as guys are.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Very interesting responses. I was drugged and acquaintance raped in college so there may be something deeper going on here with sexual intimacy making me feel too vulnerable. It's probably something I should explore in therapy. DH and I have both been very satisfied with our sex life but maybe we're missing out on something by my not being comfortable accessing this deeper connection here.

maybe as you get older it will change.

[Anonymous]

I feel very similarly. If my dh and I have ever "made love" (barf. That phrase makes me uncomfortable) I'd be kind of surprised ... I'm having a hard time being emotionally close to him, and it shows itself in sex. The sex is fine. I cum, he cums, we all cum. But the emotional portion is missing for me . Not that I don't intellectually want it, but that I don't even know where to start and it is scary to be that vulnerable.

Part of it is that I think I have always kept part of myself from him ... and now a crisis has made it very obvious they we are disconnected and don't know how to get back or get there in the first place.

If you figure this out, let me know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do just want to be fucked and don't want to make love, make sure you tell your S/O. Some guys want to make love because that's what they want. But other guys are doing it more because they're steeped in a culture that says women want an emotional experience and aren't as much into the purely physical thrill as guys are.

This.

Guys are slowly learning that what is depicted about romance and sex in movies and songs is not the reality at all. It's not what women want. The problem is that many guys only learn this after being rejected several times for being the nice guy and doing through all of these romantic gestures. Women say they want all of that romance, but in reality do not. Women will never admit it, but it's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do just want to be fucked and don't want to make love, make sure you tell your S/O. Some guys want to make love because that's what they want. But other guys are doing it more because they're steeped in a culture that says women want an emotional experience and aren't as much into the purely physical thrill as guys are.

This.

Guys are slowly learning that what is depicted about romance and sex in movies and songs is not the reality at all. It's not what women want. The problem is that many guys only learn this after being rejected several times for being the nice guy and doing through all of these romantic gestures. Women say they want all of that romance, but in reality do not. Women will never admit it, but it's the truth.

You are correct in that life isn't like the movies but to act like no woman would be bothered if they never had sex that felt emotional with their DH is ridiculous. It won't happen every time or most of the rule but every once in awhile having sex that feels more meaningful is I think normal.

And plenty of women like romance. You must be one of those prolific dcum male posters in their 30s that can't figure out why no women like them so have chosen to demonize women instead of looking inward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh it drives me crazy when my husband wants to "take it slow" and try to be all emotional about it. Total turn off.

Yes! I adore my Dh but this is such a beta thing to do. I want porn star sex