Is it weird that I never want to "make love?"

[Anonymous]

So just curious, for those people who don't enjoy/never have emotional sex (another hater of 'make love' blah) do you have something equitable? Moments of vulnerability and affection with a spouse? I'm just wondering how you get what this provides people, which is a sense of emotional closeness essentially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So just curious, for those people who don't enjoy/never have emotional sex (another hater of 'make love' blah) do you have something equitable? Moments of vulnerability and affection with a spouse? I'm just wondering how you get what this provides people, which is a sense of emotional closeness essentially.

Man here, I won't speak for women. But DW has made it clear she finds making love to be strange. I think what she means is the whole tender stroking of arms, faces, slow kissing, hugging during missionary, etc. No eye contact. No "I love you baby" during sex. Without getting booted to explicit- let's just say its more of a good, hard shag.

That doesn't mean we don't feel closer after sex. It absolutely brings us together (and the lack of a good, hard shag causes friction). We also lie breathless in a pool of endorphin after sex, laugh afterwords. You don't need tantra. Many people into BDSM would find a much more profound connection after a hardcore session than lovemakers find. YMMV.

Let me put it this way - we also don't give those cheesy "Dear wife" cards on Valentines Day that have beautiful cursive and hearts. More like a funny card with humor, probably involving Monkeys and mirrors or something. We don't write polemic or haikus of devotion to each other. Not judging those who do, have at it. We are all wired differently on what we need to feel loved and connected and, with reference to this discussion, sexually satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just curious, for those people who don't enjoy/never have emotional sex (another hater of 'make love' blah) do you have something equitable? Moments of vulnerability and affection with a spouse? I'm just wondering how you get what this provides people, which is a sense of emotional closeness essentially.

Man here, I won't speak for women. But DW has made it clear she finds making love to be strange. I think what she means is the whole tender stroking of arms, faces, slow kissing, hugging during missionary, etc. No eye contact. No "I love you baby" during sex. Without getting booted to explicit- let's just say its more of a good, hard shag.

That doesn't mean we don't feel closer after sex. It absolutely brings us together (and the lack of a good, hard shag causes friction). We also lie breathless in a pool of endorphin after sex, laugh afterwords. You don't need tantra. Many people into BDSM would find a much more profound connection after a hardcore session than lovemakers find. YMMV.

Let me put it this way - we also don't give those cheesy "Dear wife" cards on Valentines Day that have beautiful cursive and hearts. More like a funny card with humor, probably involving Monkeys and mirrors or something. We don't write polemic or haikus of devotion to each other. Not judging those who do, have at it. We are all wired differently on what we need to feel loved and connected and, with reference to this discussion, sexually satisfied.

+1. I assume the make love folks are of the more dramatic card types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just curious, for those people who don't enjoy/never have emotional sex (another hater of 'make love' blah) do you have something equitable? Moments of vulnerability and affection with a spouse? I'm just wondering how you get what this provides people, which is a sense of emotional closeness essentially.

Man here, I won't speak for women. But DW has made it clear she finds making love to be strange. I think what she means is the whole tender stroking of arms, faces, slow kissing, hugging during missionary, etc. No eye contact. No "I love you baby" during sex. Without getting booted to explicit- let's just say its more of a good, hard shag.

That doesn't mean we don't feel closer after sex. It absolutely brings us together (and the lack of a good, hard shag causes friction). We also lie breathless in a pool of endorphin after sex, laugh afterwords. You don't need tantra. Many people into BDSM would find a much more profound connection after a hardcore session than lovemakers find. YMMV.

Let me put it this way - we also don't give those cheesy "Dear wife" cards on Valentines Day that have beautiful cursive and hearts. More like a funny card with humor, probably involving Monkeys and mirrors or something. We don't write polemic or haikus of devotion to each other. Not judging those who do, have at it. We are all wired differently on what we need to feel loved and connected and, with reference to this discussion, sexually satisfied.

+1. I assume the make love folks are of the more dramatic card types.

See that bothers me. I am PP who asked what fills (what I assume would be) that void. I'm open to understanding that you get that connection in other means or that it comes about during different kinds of sex but you want to write me off as a Daniele steel novel.

My DH and I are not sappy. When I say we have emotional sex I'm not saying is a frequent occurrence or even a planned occurrence. It usually takes us by surprise, something happens that just makes us feel a little overwhelmed. The pace naturally slows and I feel overtaken by the emotion at the end. No dramatic eye contact or arm rubbing or proclamations of undying love. It's just a quiet moment where it just suddenly becomes very clear how much we love each other.

It is a little surprising to me that other people haven't experienced it. And clearly you really haven't because anyone who has wouldn't describe it like a Nicholas sparks book. Very little in movies represents life but there are kernels of truth here and there.

[Anonymous]

We don't rely on sex to connect emotionally. We connect emotionally in other ways, through kids, hard times, good times and routine daily life.

Sex is our physical connection. It's raw and urgent and very fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Where do I find these women who want pornstar sex? I have not found it to be the norm!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do I find these women who want pornstar sex? I have not found it to be the norm!

My DW and I don't make love. But I wouldn't call it porn sex either. Just good old fashioned going at it. Physical, primal, not a whole lot of tenderness that lovemaking implies.

[Anonymous]

This thread is absolutely packed with women that fear intimacy.

You'll never reach a state of real fulfillment until you make yourself vulnerable at least once in a while.

If you 'cringe' at the thought of a deep emotional connection during sex, your problems surely aren't isolated to the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is absolutely packed with women that fear intimacy.

You'll never reach a state of real fulfillment until you make yourself vulnerable at least once in a while.

If you 'cringe' at the thought of a deep emotional connection during sex, your problems surely aren't isolated to the bedroom.

Bullshit. You don't need sex for a deep emotional connection. Just ask anyone who has been in an emotional affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience is that a balance worked best with most of the women I have been with. There is a time for rip off the clothes, no words, and total animal. But also for things like taking a shower together, staring into each other's eyes, and taking our time. Both have their place. Sometimes you want to enjoy every inch of a woman before the main event.

+1, DW here and I agree with this. You have to have a balance of the two!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are several different ideas of what constitutes making love.
I also think the wording is cheesy, but we call it something different, when the connection is so sweet, loving and emotional that we're stunned afterwards. We call it cosmic sex. It doesn't happen often- maybe every 2-3 months- but it's a bit beyond our normal sex- which is really great, all by itself! No movie type crap, but a definite slowing down, even more savoring and touching, nose rubs and maybe an I love you during it, and just a deep emotional connection running through the experience. I've never experienced this with any other partner, leading me to believe that it's a highly personal thing that is hard to explain. Certainly not cheesy, but nor an everyday experience. The typical idea of the wine and candles and all that is not what I've experienced with this- it's in the moment, and often spurred by an event or conversation that took us to a deeper place.

+1000, I have only ever had this with one person in my life, but the way you describe it is exactly how it felt. I feel so lucky to have experienced this and I hope everyone at some point in their life has a partner that makes them feel this way.