Visiting family when relatives don't help with the kids

[Anonymous]

I don't get why you are expecting them to help. Keep in mind larger picture, their relationship with extended family. Vacation is hard anywhere with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why you are expecting them to help. Keep in mind larger picture, their relationship with extended family. Vacation is hard anywhere with kids.

But especially when there are a bunch of grown adults with their nose at the television 24/7; or in a book 24/7. It's an awful experience, because it is saying "we don't give a care if you are here or not", really. So why bother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why you are expecting them to help. Keep in mind larger picture, their relationship with extended family. Vacation is hard anywhere with kids.

Not OP, but i have similar relatives, and it gets old. OP said she has to pay to take her whole family
Out of country and the relatives never reciprocate. If they're unwilling to make an effort to come visit as well, the "relationship" is already crappy. It's unfair to expect a family with young kids to continually shoulder the cost and burden of overseas trips.

The idea to plan a vacation like some have suggested is great, but OP hasn't said where this other country is so it might not be practical, or financially feasible for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it their responsibility to entertain ur kids?
Don't you and DH do that at home anyway?
What am I missing?

Do you have little kids? It's way harder to entertain in someone else's non-childproof house with limited toys. And OP didn't say it was their responsibility, but it's a nice thing for them to be involved it they insist on OP visiting but never visit themselves. When you expect other people to spend money and be put out on your behalf you usually try to make things easier, or at least not lie and claim you will do something (that may have influenced the person accepting your invite) and then not do it. Repeatedly.

Yes I have kids
And no I do not assume that when I go to my il's house that they will entertain my kids.
No my relatives house are not child proofed, they don't have little kids , so, so be it .
And OP's original post did not say that her family was required to visit .
Plus, their is a big damn difference between wanting grandparents to enjoy and develop a relationship with their grandparents and being peeved that they did not "help" with the kids.
If you do big get the difference in meaning I suggest you to consult the dictionary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why you are expecting them to help. Keep in mind larger picture, their relationship with extended family. Vacation is hard anywhere with kids.

But especially when there are a bunch of grown adults with their nose at the television 24/7; or in a book 24/7. It's an awful experience, because it is saying "we don't give a care if you are here or not", really. So why bother?

Yes, this is my experience with my in laws. They don't work, but don't help (see: stating they'd watch my toddler while I showered and I find her walking down the street alone, at night, in South America.) Their house is flat out dangerous, and they spend most of the time we are there sleeping, shopping, or watching TV. When I spend thousands on plane tickets, and have to cram five of us into one room for three weeks, it becomes completely not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it their responsibility to entertain ur kids?
Don't you and DH do that at home anyway?
What am I missing?

Do you have little kids? It's way harder to entertain in someone else's non-childproof house with limited toys. And OP didn't say it was their responsibility, but it's a nice thing for them to be involved it they insist on OP visiting but never visit themselves. When you expect other people to spend money and be put out on your behalf you usually try to make things easier, or at least not lie and claim you will do something (that may have influenced the person accepting your invite) and then not do it. Repeatedly.

Yes I have kids
And no I do not assume that when I go to my il's house that they will entertain my kids.
No my relatives house are not child proofed, they don't have little kids , so, so be it .
And OP's original post did not say that her family was required to visit .
Plus, their is a big damn difference between wanting grandparents to enjoy and develop a relationship with their grandparents and being peeved that they did not "help" with the kids.
If you do big get the difference in meaning I suggest you to consult the dictionary.

Your post doesn't make sense, autocorrect issues maybe?

OP's follow up said this is an overseas trip she has to take, it's a financial hardship, and the relatives never come to visit them. Tell me what about that scenario, coupled with them being uninvolved with the kids while they are there, means that OP should continue visiting and not be frustrated. And the "help" she mentioned was doing fun things with the kids that THEY had suggested, not being all-day babysitters. If you have the time, money, and inclination to take really aggravating trips like the one OP is describing, that's great, but many do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it their responsibility to entertain ur kids?
Don't you and DH do that at home anyway?
What am I missing?

Do you have little kids? It's way harder to entertain in someone else's non-childproof house with limited toys. And OP didn't say it was their responsibility, but it's a nice thing for them to be involved it they insist on OP visiting but never visit themselves. When you expect other people to spend money and be put out on your behalf you usually try to make things easier, or at least not lie and claim you will do something (that may have influenced the person accepting your invite) and then not do it. Repeatedly.

Yes I have kids
And no I do not assume that when I go to my il's house that they will entertain my kids.
No my relatives house are not child proofed, they don't have little kids , so, so be it .
And OP's original post did not say that her family was required to visit .
Plus, their is a big damn difference between wanting grandparents to enjoy and develop a relationship with their grandparents and being peeved that they did not "help" with the kids.
If you do big get the difference in meaning I suggest you to consult the dictionary.

Do you have to fly overseas and stay for an extended period with your in laws, while they show little interest in your kids? If so, you're either a saint or an idiot for continuing to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is all talk about all the great things they are going to do with by kids (ages 2 and 4) when we use our limited vacation time and limited travel funds to come visit, but every time it ends up the same: they don't actually do any of the things they say, show minimal interest in my kids, and I end up entertaining my kids day and night in a scenario that's more exhausting than being at home because the kids are in a different environment with a different routine. Honestly, I am tempted to stop visiting. But I don't want to cut my kids off from their relatives. What do you do?

It is your job and responsibility to take care of your children. It is not The job/responsibility of any family member. Any other family member who expects me to take care of their kids is dreaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is all talk about all the great things they are going to do with by kids (ages 2 and 4) when we use our limited vacation time and limited travel funds to come visit, but every time it ends up the same: they don't actually do any of the things they say, show minimal interest in my kids, and I end up entertaining my kids day and night in a scenario that's more exhausting than being at home because the kids are in a different environment with a different routine. Honestly, I am tempted to stop visiting. But I don't want to cut my kids off from their relatives. What do you do?

It is your job and responsibility to take care of your children. It is not The job/responsibility of any family member. Any other family member who expects me to take care of their kids is dreaming.

But do you expect to see the family members while never visiting yourself?? OP's relatives are selfish.

OP, I would stop visiting until the kids are older and it gets easier. Skype in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is all talk about all the great things they are going to do with by kids (ages 2 and 4) when we use our limited vacation time and limited travel funds to come visit, but every time it ends up the same: they don't actually do any of the things they say, show minimal interest in my kids, and I end up entertaining my kids day and night in a scenario that's more exhausting than being at home because the kids are in a different environment with a different routine. Honestly, I am tempted to stop visiting. But I don't want to cut my kids off from their relatives. What do you do?

It is your job and responsibility to take care of your children. It is not The job/responsibility of any family member. Any other family member who expects me to take care of their kids is dreaming.

You sound fun. I doubt anyone would want to visit you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is your family? Why don't they visit you?

We live overseas so they do not visit us for some reasons that are legit and some that are not.

Pay for your family to visit you, as in buy the plane tickets. You haven't said whether where you live overseas requires a visa or is considered "dangerous", so what are the legit reasons the family gives for not coming to you?

I live in DC but my inlaws live overseas in a major European city, which sounds exciting until you realize if you stayed in a hotel it would insult the Inlaws so we are crammed into a 400 ft flat next door to our inlaws flat. There literally isn't enough room to play or sit down on the floor unless you put the futons upright. God forbid it is raining or cold, because the kids can't play outside in a park and are stuck inside. We don't have a car and I would honestly be terrified to drive in that city anyway. My inlaws take a cute picture of my kids sitting on their lap, post it on FB and then act like my kids are so annoying for breathing. It seems all for show. I don't understand why they beg us to visit but after 30 minutes they complain how exhausting having elementary age children around are. And I don't expect to leave my kids with them for them to babysit so I can site see or relax. I am with them all the time. And it's not like we can pack a ton of toys to occupy them. It sucks. And they want us to stay for a month.

We stopped doing those trips because it just was so unrealistic and illogical and stressful and stupid. We now only go as a family in the summer, and we spend one week in that city and a second week traveling together somewhere else, and come back for a weekend before we fly home. My in laws are odd, they show very little interest in my kids, their only grandchildren, but love to show off pictures of them, and I would like my kids to have some kind of relationship with them. But if OPs family is anything like mine, sometimes you can't force what isn't there and do whatever is best for you.

[Anonymous]

Ask for specific help, with guidelines:

"Mary, would you please watch Bully while I shower? You could play with the toy train set, or the coloring book in the diaper bag."

Be specific. Ask for limited times. Don't generally expect anyone to watch your kids at any given time. You don't get a vacation from being a parent.

[Anonymous]

So don't go if it does not work and is not fun, but to make it about helping with the kids sounds a bit immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for specific help, with guidelines:

"Mary, would you please watch Bully while I shower? You could play with the toy train set, or the coloring book in the diaper bag."

Be specific. Ask for limited times. Don't generally expect anyone to watch your kids at any given time. You don't get a vacation from being a parent.

Mary: "what? No. Why can't you ask you DH to watch Snowflake? Do I look lIle the hired babysitter?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is your family? Why don't they visit you?

We live overseas so they do not visit us for some reasons that are legit and some that are not.

Pay for your family to visit you, as in buy the plane tickets. You haven't said whether where you live overseas requires a visa or is considered "dangerous", so what are the legit reasons the family gives for not coming to you?

I live in DC but my inlaws live overseas in a major European city, which sounds exciting until you realize if you stayed in a hotel it would insult the Inlaws so we are crammed into a 400 ft flat next door to our inlaws flat. There literally isn't enough room to play or sit down on the floor unless you put the futons upright. God forbid it is raining or cold, because the kids can't play outside in a park and are stuck inside. We don't have a car and I would honestly be terrified to drive in that city anyway. My inlaws take a cute picture of my kids sitting on their lap, post it on FB and then act like my kids are so annoying for breathing. It seems all for show. I don't understand why they beg us to visit but after 30 minutes they complain how exhausting having elementary age children around are. And I don't expect to leave my kids with them for them to babysit so I can site see or relax. I am with them all the time. And it's not like we can pack a ton of toys to occupy them. It sucks. And they want us to stay for a month.

We stopped doing those trips because it just was so unrealistic and illogical and stressful and stupid. We now only go as a family in the summer, and we spend one week in that city and a second week traveling together somewhere else, and come back for a weekend before we fly home. My in laws are odd, they show very little interest in my kids, their only grandchildren, but love to show off pictures of them, and I would like my kids to have some kind of relationship with them. But if OPs family is anything like mine, sometimes you can't force what isn't there and do whatever is best for you.

Lol. I lived in an 800 sq ft house. A month in a 400 sq ft flat is fine. How much bigger would a hotel be?