Visiting family when relatives don't help with the kids

[Anonymous]

My family is all talk about all the great things they are going to do with by kids (ages 2 and 4) when we use our limited vacation time and limited travel funds to come visit, but every time it ends up the same: they don't actually do any of the things they say, show minimal interest in my kids, and I end up entertaining my kids day and night in a scenario that's more exhausting than being at home because the kids are in a different environment with a different routine. Honestly, I am tempted to stop visiting. But I don't want to cut my kids off from their relatives. What do you do?

[Anonymous]

Invite them to your house

[Anonymous]

Where is your family? Why don't they visit you?

[Anonymous]

Don't go if you can't afford your own vacation.

[Anonymous]

Stop going. FaceTime is a wonderful thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go if you can't afford your own vacation.

OP here. We can afford it but limited vacation time means we sacrifice doing other things. It's not really a financial burden but I do resent paying money for something that's not at all enjoyable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is your family? Why don't they visit you?

We live overseas so they do not visit us for some reasons that are legit and some that are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is your family? Why don't they visit you?

We live overseas so they do not visit us for some reasons that are legit and some that are not.

Sounds like my in-laws. Visas are hard to get, which I understand, but they've never really tried. Honestly, we have stopped going and probably won't again until the kids are older. It's very expensive and a major hassle. It would be even if they were helpful but they aren't so it isn't worth the stress to do over and over. Were they to make an effort to try to visit at some point we might re-evaluate v

[Anonymous]

Can you plan a family vacation that includes a few days with your relatives and then a few days somewhere nearby for your nuclear family to get a mini-vacation in?

Maybe when your kids are older it will be easier. Some people are better with older kids. And your kids will be more self-sufficient. For now, can you initiate things?: "Relative, you'd mentioned that when we came for a visit you wanted to take the kids to the aquarium. Let's do that today."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you plan a family vacation that includes a few days with your relatives and then a few days somewhere nearby for your nuclear family to get a mini-vacation in?

Maybe when your kids are older it will be easier. Some people are better with older kids. And your kids will be more self-sufficient. For now, can you initiate things?: "Relative, you'd mentioned that when we came for a visit you wanted to take the kids to the aquarium. Let's do that today."

This is a good idea but it probably depends where the relatives live, especially if money is a cost. If the family lives in France, that sounds great. If they live in Bolivia, the possibilities are limited.

[Anonymous]

Why is it their responsibility to entertain ur kids?
Don't you and DH do that at home anyway?
What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it their responsibility to entertain ur kids?
Don't you and DH do that at home anyway?
What am I missing?

Do you have little kids? It's way harder to entertain in someone else's non-childproof house with limited toys. And OP didn't say it was their responsibility, but it's a nice thing for them to be involved it they insist on OP visiting but never visit themselves. When you expect other people to spend money and be put out on your behalf you usually try to make things easier, or at least not lie and claim you will do something (that may have influenced the person accepting your invite) and then not do it. Repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it their responsibility to entertain ur kids?
Don't you and DH do that at home anyway?
What am I missing?

NP here. OP already explained this. You need to reread the post.

OP, I get it. Your IL's are like my IL's - they only want bragging rights to say that they went on this great vacation - when in fact, it was awful, and you could have spent your limited vacation time doing other things that the kids would actually enjoy.

When my ILs do this, I do my own thing. I mean literally, let DH and the DC go with the ILs; and then I don't feel the responsibility to manage the awful week, when DC clearly do not want to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it their responsibility to entertain ur kids?
Don't you and DH do that at home anyway?
What am I missing?

Do you have little kids? It's way harder to entertain in someone else's non-childproof house with limited toys. And OP didn't say it was their responsibility, but it's a nice thing for them to be involved it they insist on OP visiting but never visit themselves. When you expect other people to spend money and be put out on your behalf you usually try to make things easier, or at least not lie and claim you will do something (that may have influenced the person accepting your invite) and then not do it. Repeatedly.

+1

My ILs do this, too. Add in the devil children from hell (friends of the family, they don't have many) - and its a "real party". :sarcasm:

[Anonymous]

Still go, but limit the time if it's too much of a PITA.

Plan your own vacation while you're there. Find things to do with the kids before you go so they aren't stuck in the house. In laws can be included if they want to be, or not. That way you're still visiting, but still get a vacation.