Anyone feel guilty for having money?

[Anonymous]

We have more than my parents and I always feel like I should be paying for stuff for them.

Sometimes she comes to visit and I pay for almost everything.

They also have bad credit and my mom has been using a credit card in my name for many years (paying monthly payments). I could pay it off for her but she has terrible money management skills and would just keep running up a tab. I don't know how to deal with it.

They come to us every year for the holidays and this year, she said they were struggling so we used points to get them flights - not sure I would have paid for it directly as that would have been really weird for me.

[Anonymous]

In most cases, having money or not is all about work ethics, focus and priorities. To answer the OP question - No, not a bit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work very hard for what we have also and both come from blue collar humble beginnings. But, being in such a different status now and having it acknowledged by them especially, makes me feel weird.

I still wouldn't feel guilty even if they are blue collar and you aren't. Likely you worked hard through college, grad school, and any number of jobs to get to where you're at. I fee like people assume that those who have some money were just handed said money. I'm an atty and have put up with some difficult firms and my current shitty govt job to make money, so I won't be made to feel guilty about it.

+1

People who count others' pennies have zero idea what it takes to earn their own.

This. I have extended family in rural Pa that literally says - I'd be rich too if I went to a fancy Ivy League college. Not realizing that that involved - being at the top of my high school class to get into said ivy; loans; working my ass off to do well in college to get into a top 10 law school; more loans; working 24-7 in biglaw for a decade; getting pushed out and sucking it up in the govt until I figure out my next step.

Somehow people think money just shows up for the asking once you get admitted to a certain school by luck.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe none of the PPs have said this -- but your family member's comment to you was rude and distasteful. I wouldn't let someone's rude comment make me feel guilty about what I have. If anything, I might have said, "That kind of comment is inappropriate." Your family member's comment was laden with judgment and envy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work very hard for what we have also and both come from blue collar humble beginnings. But, being in such a different status now and having it acknowledged by them especially, makes me feel weird.

This is me! Somewhat poor childhood and now that I can afford things like a cleaning service and yearly vacations (not even fancy ones, just a week in a beach condo) I feel guilty somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work very hard for what we have also and both come from blue collar humble beginnings. But, being in such a different status now and having it acknowledged by them especially, makes me feel weird.

This is me! Somewhat poor childhood and now that I can afford things like a cleaning service and yearly vacations (not even fancy ones, just a week in a beach condo) I feel guilty somehow.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This morning, a family member asked me to attend something next week and I said I'd love to, but we'll be out of town. Her reply was, "Again?! I wish I had the money to travel like you do. Must be nice". The thing is, we don't even have that much money, we just like to travel and forego other things (eating out, expensive clothing, etc) in order to do that. But, I know we have more money than a lot of people in my family and I feel guilty about it. I don't brag about our life or trips, but since they're close by, they know about it and I think they assume we roll around in piles of money at night. It makes me feel awkward. Anyone else?

She was hurt you couldn't attend and took a low swipe at you. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work very hard for what we have also and both come from blue collar humble beginnings. But, being in such a different status now and having it acknowledged by them especially, makes me feel weird.

This is me! Somewhat poor childhood and now that I can afford things like a cleaning service and yearly vacations (not even fancy ones, just a week in a beach condo) I feel guilty somehow.

I was not somewhat poor, we were poor with food insecurity and periods of lack of permanent housing. I feel zero guilt for working hard and reaching goals.

[Anonymous]

No. I support liberal causes and give to the appropriate charities, so I'm good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Worked hard for all I have, and while I won't brag about it or post it on FB, I feel ok spending it as I wish. Though often I'm less of a big spender than people w less money -- so then I'll invest it as I wish.

This. I worked for it. Why the hell would I feel guilty about being a productive hard working person??!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I support liberal causes and give to the appropriate charities, so I'm good.

But, around your family do feel your bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We work very hard for what we have also and both come from blue collar humble beginnings. But, being in such a different status now and having it acknowledged by them especially, makes me feel weird.

I still wouldn't feel guilty even if they are blue collar and you aren't. Likely you worked hard through college, grad school, and any number of jobs to get to where you're at. I fee like people assume that those who have some money were just handed said money. I'm an atty and have put up with some difficult firms and my current shitty govt job to make money, so I won't be made to feel guilty about it.

+1

People who count others' pennies have zero idea what it takes to earn their own.

This. I have extended family in rural Pa that literally says - I'd be rich too if I went to a fancy Ivy League college. Not realizing that that involved - being at the top of my high school class to get into said ivy; loans; working my ass off to do well in college to get into a top 10 law school; more loans; working 24-7 in biglaw for a decade; getting pushed out and sucking it up in the govt until I figure out my next step.

Somehow people think money just shows up for the asking once you get admitted to a certain school by luck.

+10000

It is amazing how ignorant people can be, and how certain people are convinced it is "luck". It is befuddling.

[Anonymous]

I do think certain kinds of people expect you to justify your successes - in a "why does SHE have THAT (and I don't)" sort of way. I feel sad for them, for being so closed minded. But OTOH, their victimization explains a lot, on their behalf.

[Anonymous]

This topic hits home for me also. Like everyone else, DH and I work really hard and we also have law school, business school loans, etc...

It's really bad when your close family thinks you are an ATM. When someone does you a favor (that you didn't request) expecting a little bit of "lunch money" or when you ask your sibling what she wants for a milestone birthday, a trip or a party, and she says "both because you can afford both" or when your brother with no job says he needs "money to buy his children clothes"... I could go on.

When you say NO, you're a stingy, stuck up b*tch that thinks she's too good for the family.

All that said, I don't feel guilty EVER because I've worked so hard and put up with crappy people sh*tting on m

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This topic hits home for me also. Like everyone else, DH and I work really hard and we also have law school, business school loans, etc...

It's really bad when your close family thinks you are an ATM. When someone does you a favor (that you didn't request) expecting a little bit of "lunch money" or when you ask your sibling what she wants for a milestone birthday, a trip or a party, and she says "both because you can afford both" or when your brother with no job says he needs "money to buy his children clothes"... I could go on.

When you say NO, you're a stingy, stuck up b*tch that thinks she's too good for the family.

All that said, I don't feel guilty EVER because I've worked so hard and, like a PP said, put up with crappy people sh*tting on me at really crappy employers for longer than I care to remember just to get to a place where I am financially comfortable.

Hit send too soon!!!