Unsolicited Grandparenting Advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents: for the most part, we love and appreciate them. However, it's probably fair to say most of us have received unsolicited parenting advice. So maybe here in this little corner of the Internet, we can fantasize about giving unsolicited Grandparenting advice.

Lifted from another thread:

Anonymous wrote:
Grandparents, take note: if a parent is within eyesight/earshot of the child, and is actively parenting them, you don't need to pile on with the instructions and corrections. I don't need my FIL barking "put that down!" When I have JUST said it. Kids don't need three adults telling them the same thing at the same time.

Grandparents: We know you spend all day at home playing solitaire and bridge by yourself on the computer. Is this how you want to live out your last days? Would it kill you to make a reasonable effort with your youngest grandchildren? You live five minutes away, and they are not going to be little forever, and you are not going to be around forever. They are starting to form their own opinions of you, as they get older and wiser. It is up to you (no one else) how you choose to be remembered. We know you are antisocial and petulant, but really, stop being so selfish.

Ha ha, these are my parents! I don't mind, really - they're anxious and live in their own little world. Just wanted to say I love the word petulant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To DILs, kiss my ass and stay home with your kids.

I like you!

OP, if your kids misbehave at my house, I have no qualms about correcting and disciplining them. My house, my rules. If you do not lihe tjis, then stay away.

OP here. If my child is misbehaving and I am not "on it," feel free to step in and enforce the rules in your home. But don't you dare try to make the rules in *my* home. If you are in my home and see a rule being broken that you know is a rule I enforce, and I'm not around, feel free to step in and correct the behavior.

But if you continue to "pile on" and yell at my kids about stuff I AM ALREADY AWARE OF AND CORRECTING THEM ABOUT, then don't wonder why they have to be gently prompted to give grandma a hug. Don't wonder why they run to my mother for a hug and remain shy around you.

[Anonymous]

I hope my parents get a dog after they have time to grieve for our dear little cairn terrier who just passed away. My daughter and my nephew and nieces LOVE visiting their grandparents, but loved it all the more because of the dog! I know that would be a "burden," in some ways, but they have the time and the money. I know it's selfish of me, but we just loved the "dog dynamic" of visiting my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To my mom: We love how much you enjoy cooking for us, but no, my kids won't eat 5-alarm chili or pan seared scallops and I'm not going to make them.

PS- also stop putting pickle relish in the tuna salad. No one likes that!

Wow, my whole family LOVES pan-seared scallops! My 2 yr old's body literally starts wiggling when she hears the word "scallops." Totally understand the chili thing though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To my mom: We love how much you enjoy cooking for us, but no, my kids won't eat 5-alarm chili or pan seared scallops and I'm not going to make them.

PS- also stop putting pickle relish in the tuna salad. No one likes that!

Wow, my whole family LOVES pan-seared scallops! My 2 yr old's body literally starts wiggling when she hears the word "scallops." Totally understand the chili thing though.

Team Pickle Relish in Tuna Salad! However, please use MAYO and not Miracle Whip. That stuff is nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To my mom: We love how much you enjoy cooking for us, but no, my kids won't eat 5-alarm chili or pan seared scallops and I'm not going to make them.

PS- also stop putting pickle relish in the tuna salad. No one likes that!

Wow, my whole family LOVES pan-seared scallops! My 2 yr old's body literally starts wiggling when she hears the word "scallops." Totally understand the chili thing though.

Team Pickle Relish in Tuna Salad! However, please use MAYO and not Miracle Whip. That stuff is nasty.

PP of this post. GAH! Relish in mayo is the worst! Celery is the only way forward. Maybe carrots.

I think sometimes I was adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents: for the most part, we love and appreciate them. However, it's probably fair to say most of us have received unsolicited parenting advice. So maybe here in this little corner of the Internet, we can fantasize about giving unsolicited Grandparenting advice.

Lifted from another thread:

Anonymous wrote:
Grandparents, take note: if a parent is within eyesight/earshot of the child, and is actively parenting them, you don't need to pile on with the instructions and corrections. I don't need my FIL barking "put that down!" When I have JUST said it. Kids don't need three adults telling them the same thing at the same time.

See, this is why American family structure is just a total failure. The grandparent in this case is barking, "put that down!" because he is saying, "And I am even more important than you mother, who just told you to" but to the mother, the grandparent isn't even part of the family anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents: for the most part, we love and appreciate them. However, it's probably fair to say most of us have received unsolicited parenting advice. So maybe here in this little corner of the Internet, we can fantasize about giving unsolicited Grandparenting advice.

Lifted from another thread:

Anonymous wrote:
Grandparents, take note: if a parent is within eyesight/earshot of the child, and is actively parenting them, you don't need to pile on with the instructions and corrections. I don't need my FIL barking "put that down!" When I have JUST said it. Kids don't need three adults telling them the same thing at the same time.

See, this is why American family structure is just a total failure. The grandparent in this case is barking, "put that down!" because he is saying, "And I am even more important than you mother, who just told you to" but to the mother, the grandparent isn't even part of the family anymore.

No it's not. It's a case of too many chefs in the kitchen. And when it comes to parenting, mom/dad get the first and last say. Grandparents need to back off.

[Anonymous]

my MIL tells my daughter "Oh, sweetie, you're afraid of [heights/cats/the cold/anything]!" No, she's not. Stop convincing her she's scared of things just because you are.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP. and just to make things fair:

Mom, please stop judging how I'm juggling a toddler and writing my dissertation. Yes, you've made it abundantly clear you think I'm doing it wrong. Amazing how you know exactly how I should manage this given you have exactly zero experience on this topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents: for the most part, we love and appreciate them. However, it's probably fair to say most of us have received unsolicited parenting advice. So maybe here in this little corner of the Internet, we can fantasize about giving unsolicited Grandparenting advice.

Lifted from another thread:

Anonymous wrote:
Grandparents, take note: if a parent is within eyesight/earshot of the child, and is actively parenting them, you don't need to pile on with the instructions and corrections. I don't need my FIL barking "put that down!" When I have JUST said it. Kids don't need three adults telling them the same thing at the same time.

See, this is why American family structure is just a total failure. The grandparent in this case is barking, "put that down!" because he is saying, "And I am even more important than you mother, who just told you to" but to the mother, the grandparent isn't even part of the family anymore.

Of course grandparents are a very important part of the family! But they are NOT more important than the parents. Grandparents have a special role to play: guide to parents (when asked), admirer/love-giver/cheerleader/special friend of grandchildren, "behavior corrector" of children *WHEN NEEDED* (if the parents are away or don't see, or if enforcing a rule in the grandparents' own house), etc. But they need to play THAT ROLE, not the role of parents. Grandparents are not more important than the mother or father; don't get it twisted.

[Anonymous]

Please don't judge me for occasionally peeking at the phone when we're all playing at the park when I distinctly remember you and your best friend *drinking martinis from thermoses" while we played at the park as kids.

[Anonymous]

Mom and MIL, I get it. You didn't breastfeed. Yes, I turned out fine. Yes, it "gave you more freedom." That's great for you. I'm choosing to breastfeed again. I get that you don't get it. But here's what: I'm not judging you for not breastfeeding. Don't judge me for breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Looks like grandparents can't win on DCUM. Either they don't/won't provide free childcare or they provide too much instruction/pickle relish, etc.

I'm in the middle, with an 18-year-old DD who had no grandparents in her life. I will look forward to grandkids someday in the future but don't want to overstep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like grandparents can't win on DCUM. Either they don't/won't provide free childcare or they provide too much instruction/pickle relish, etc.

I'm in the middle, with an 18-year-old DD who had no grandparents in her life. I will look forward to grandkids someday in the future but don't want to overstep.

I would never want my parents or in-laws to provide free childcare! Not only is it not fair to them, I don't think they are qualified, or have enough energy, frankly! I don't get people who expect this.

But yes, overstepping is never appreciated. No one is saying "don't be involved," they're just saying, "you don't run the show."