Unsolicited Grandparenting Advice

[Anonymous]

Grandparents: for the most part, we love and appreciate them. However, it's probably fair to say most of us have received unsolicited parenting advice. So maybe here in this little corner of the Internet, we can fantasize about giving unsolicited Grandparenting advice.

Lifted from another thread:

Anonymous wrote:
Grandparents, take note: if a parent is within eyesight/earshot of the child, and is actively parenting them, you don't need to pile on with the instructions and corrections. I don't need my FIL barking "put that down!" When I have JUST said it. Kids don't need three adults telling them the same thing at the same time.

[Anonymous]

^^^See the other thread about why grandparents don't babysit anymore. Too many parents are way too sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents: for the most part, we love and appreciate them. However, it's probably fair to say most of us have received unsolicited parenting advice. So maybe here in this little corner of the Internet, we can fantasize about giving unsolicited Grandparenting advice.

Lifted from another thread:

Anonymous wrote:
Grandparents, take note: if a parent is within eyesight/earshot of the child, and is actively parenting them, you don't need to pile on with the instructions and corrections. I don't need my FIL barking "put that down!" When I have JUST said it. Kids don't need three adults telling them the same thing at the same time.

Grandparents: We know you spend all day at home playing solitaire and bridge by yourself on the computer. Is this how you want to live out your last days? Would it kill you to make a reasonable effort with your youngest grandchildren? You live five minutes away, and they are not going to be little forever, and you are not going to be around forever. They are starting to form their own opinions of you, as they get older and wiser. It is up to you (no one else) how you choose to be remembered. We know you are antisocial and petulant, but really, stop being so selfish.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with this being "sensitive." As a kid, I can remember what it was like having LOTS of grown-ups yell at me at once at family functions for truly minor infractions. It's not just insulting to the parents...grandkids also don't like it and learn to either tune it out or dislike being around the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents: for the most part, we love and appreciate them. However, it's probably fair to say most of us have received unsolicited parenting advice. So maybe here in this little corner of the Internet, we can fantasize about giving unsolicited Grandparenting advice.

Lifted from another thread:

Anonymous wrote:
Grandparents, take note: if a parent is within eyesight/earshot of the child, and is actively parenting them, you don't need to pile on with the instructions and corrections. I don't need my FIL barking "put that down!" When I have JUST said it. Kids don't need three adults telling them the same thing at the same time.

Grandparents: We know you spend all day at home playing solitaire and bridge by yourself on the computer. Is this how you want to live out your last days? Would it kill you to make a reasonable effort with your youngest grandchildren? You live five minutes away, and they are not going to be little forever, and you are not going to be around forever. They are starting to form their own opinions of you, as they get older and wiser. It is up to you (no one else) how you choose to be remembered. We know you are antisocial and petulant, but really, stop being so selfish.

Wow. I don't know any grandparents who do what you describe, but as hateful as you are, computer bridge would be preferable to your company.

[Anonymous]

Don't hover over kids when they play. Don't demand affection. If you relax, they'll be drawn to you.

[Anonymous]

I will preface this by saying I love both sets of grandparents and am grateful we get to spend lots of time with them. However:

Please don't suggest we take toddler DC to a restaurant, ANY restaurant. It's too stressful for me. If you want to take her that's awesome but please let me stay home where I won't have to wrangle her.

All gifted toys that make noise or involve batteries will live at your house. And unfortunately we don't have space for a human size stuffed bear from Costco.

Please don't try to bribe/cajole DC into eating or comment on what she's (not) eating. I don't want food to be a big deal for her. It's ok if she eats basically nothing for lunch, we'll try again later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^See the other thread about why grandparents don't babysit anymore. Too many parents are way too sensitive.

I also disagree with this. I posted in the other thread that my dad does the same thing that OP posted, and it really makes me angry. On the other hand, I will happily take into account advice from my mom or my MIL (and even my FIL) and really think about what they've said. The difference? Mom, MIL, and FIL all have been EXTREMELY helpful with my kids. My father has not. I may not agree with mom/MIL/FIL, but I will always hear them out about an issue with my kids. My dad basically shows up (with my mom), doesn't lift a finger to help, while everyone does everything for him and he naps, and complains when something isn't to his liking. He loves my son (6), but he is constantly showing his apparent irritation with him and raising his voice when I am right there. The number of times I have had to say "don't speak to him that way" is appalling. I'm a bit protective of my kids when it comes to my dad's behavior because I'm probably making up for when I was a kid and his short fuse was directed at us. He yelled so much our neighbors thought we were abused (I don't feel we were). It didn't really upset me as a child but it really upsets me as an adult that there's still no one calling him on the fact that a 65 year old man should not be having temper tantrums. So I call him on it. These are often not instances where my kid is acting like an angel, but when I am right in the middle of telling him to listen or giving a time out or whatever it is, I don't need grandpa starting to yell.

[Anonymous]

My advice to my parents:

SIDS is real and stop telling me it isn't. I don't care that you jeopardized my life every night when I was a baby and I turned out just fine.

You are losing your hearing and your denial is only fooling yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents: for the most part, we love and appreciate them. However, it's probably fair to say most of us have received unsolicited parenting advice. So maybe here in this little corner of the Internet, we can fantasize about giving unsolicited Grandparenting advice.

Lifted from another thread:

Anonymous wrote:
Grandparents, take note: if a parent is within eyesight/earshot of the child, and is actively parenting them, you don't need to pile on with the instructions and corrections. I don't need my FIL barking "put that down!" When I have JUST said it. Kids don't need three adults telling them the same thing at the same time.

On the flip side-if I'm reprimanding my kid for something, don't jump in and start arguing with me about it/defending her. Or if I've asked my child to do something (e.g., clean up her toys) don't jump in and offer to do it for her. It totally undermines things we are trying to teach her. (And I'm not talking about things that are controversial or abusive, no spanking or screaming-just basic things like reminding them not to go through other people's stuff without asking, put their toys away, not interrupt, etc).

[Anonymous]

To my mom: We love how much you enjoy cooking for us, but no, my kids won't eat 5-alarm chili or pan seared scallops and I'm not going to make them.

PS- also stop putting pickle relish in the tuna salad. No one likes that!

[Anonymous]

To DILs, kiss my ass and stay home with your kids.

[Anonymous]

This only applies to my parents:
When I ask you to "please keep an eye on DC while I pull dinner out of the oven" and you remain perched on the couch with your wineglass while singsonging "DC, come here, don't do that" as they crawl toward the open oven door...
When I ask you - repeatedly, for about a decade - to let me know when crazy relative is in a bad spot, and you - reoeatedly, for about a decade - don't "bc you didn't want me to worry"
When we visit and you plan a full day of brunch, visiting childfree people, happy hour, and a long boozy dinner, all so you can show off your toddler grandchild, and then wonder why they are whining and not sitting still
... Those are reasons among many others that we do not ask you to babysit. Please don't lament the fact that we won't let DC spend the night/weekend/a single hour with you unsupervised. We're not terribly upset by this, and you shouldn't be either. Just go to your happy hours without us, you will enjoy them much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To DILs, kiss my ass and stay home with your kids.

To MIL: Enjoy welfare and poverty in old age. Save those pennies! You have burned bridges with all your DILs and will get no help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To DILs, kiss my ass and stay home with your kids.

I like you!

OP, if your kids misbehave at my house, I have no qualms about correcting and disciplining them. My house, my rules. If you do not lihe tjis, then stay away.