When can I bring up the issue of texting/calling frequency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people never pick up the phone anymore? When I was out there dating 15 years ago, obviously there was no texting but phone conversations were a way to deepen the connection between dates. Does that just not happen anymore, even when the relationship is moving forward?

I think some people just aren't into texting so it doesn't necessarily mean he's not into you, OP. How are your dates?
Do you get the sense that you're connecting wmotionally or does it seem to be more about fun, and sex?

The dates are fine-they are what I need them to be at the moment. Not more-not less. There is a lot of awkwardness to them but it has been acknowledged that it is due to chemistry. He does keep his distance but we are both working our way out of divorces so it is understandable. He is a very typical frat type guy from the army and seems to operate by dating rules I spent my 30s avoiding. So I wonder if there is any truth to that rubber band effect that one of the PPs brought up.

I mean my 20s.

[Anonymous]

You have sex every couple of weeks. You're his fuck buddy, nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have sex every couple of weeks. You're his fuck buddy, nothing more.

Since I'm sure you will protest this, let me add that I was in your situation once. I genuinely enjoyed the man's company, we had fun together, we often had dinner before sex, but in the end it was just sex and just as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have sex every couple of weeks. You're his fuck buddy, nothing more.

Since I'm sure you will protest this, let me add that I was in your situation once. I genuinely enjoyed the man's company, we had fun together, we often had dinner before sex, but in the end it was just sex and just as needed.

I wont protest this. The funny thing is that he was adament that he wanted something more meaningful when we first started and insisted that he did not want game playing. So, my question is when can I bring up that the status quo isn't making me feel too fuzzy? Is now too soon? Do I wait for a few more dates? (dates that i know will likely happen).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have sex every couple of weeks. You're his fuck buddy, nothing more.

Since I'm sure you will protest this, let me add that I was in your situation once. I genuinely enjoyed the man's company, we had fun together, we often had dinner before sex, but in the end it was just sex and just as needed.

I wont protest this. The funny thing is that he was adament that he wanted something more meaningful when we first started and insisted that he did not want game playing. So, my question is when can I bring up that the status quo isn't making me feel too fuzzy? Is now too soon? Do I wait for a few more dates? (dates that i know will likely happen).

I would stop seeing him if you're looking for something serious. He obviously isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have sex every couple of weeks. You're his fuck buddy, nothing more.

Since I'm sure you will protest this, let me add that I was in your situation once. I genuinely enjoyed the man's company, we had fun together, we often had dinner before sex, but in the end it was just sex and just as needed.

I wont protest this. The funny thing is that he was adament that he wanted something more meaningful when we first started and insisted that he did not want game playing. So, my question is when can I bring up that the status quo isn't making me feel too fuzzy? Is now too soon? Do I wait for a few more dates? (dates that i know will likely happen).

Who is setting up the dates? Do you text him and ask? You may just see if you can increase the date frequency first. If you are seeing him more and becoming more of a regular fixture in his life, he will likely interact with you more just out the evolving nature of the relationship. My advice is to say nothing about "please text me so we can have random banter and you can make me feel fuzzy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have sex every couple of weeks. You're his fuck buddy, nothing more.

Since I'm sure you will protest this, let me add that I was in your situation once. I genuinely enjoyed the man's company, we had fun together, we often had dinner before sex, but in the end it was just sex and just as needed.

I wont protest this. The funny thing is that he was adament that he wanted something more meaningful when we first started and insisted that he did not want game playing. So, my question is when can I bring up that the status quo isn't making me feel too fuzzy? Is now too soon? Do I wait for a few more dates? (dates that i know will likely happen).

Who is setting up the dates? Do you text him and ask? You may just see if you can increase the date frequency first. If you are seeing him more and becoming more of a regular fixture in his life, he will likely interact with you more just out the evolving nature of the relationship. My advice is to say nothing about "please text me so we can have random banter and you can make me feel fuzzy."

He always initiates the dates. Yesterday was the first time I reached out to him and he wasn't free and apologized but didn't offer an alternative. He hasn't texted today. I am assuming i just let it be until i hear from him again, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have sex every couple of weeks. You're his fuck buddy, nothing more.

Since I'm sure you will protest this, let me add that I was in your situation once. I genuinely enjoyed the man's company, we had fun together, we often had dinner before sex, but in the end it was just sex and just as needed.

I wont protest this. The funny thing is that he was adament that he wanted something more meaningful when we first started and insisted that he did not want game playing. So, my question is when can I bring up that the status quo isn't making me feel too fuzzy? Is now too soon? Do I wait for a few more dates? (dates that i know will likely happen).

I would stop seeing him if you're looking for something serious. He obviously isn't.

I am not either. In fact, i am still technically married to my ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a newly divorced mom who has started seeing a great man-same situation. When he wants, he's a very able and funny texter and I appreciate the back and forth during the day. However, I think he prefers to do without it and only text to set something up-sometimes this can be weeks in between dates. I always break down and text and he does respond but I'm tired of initiating it. Is this something I can bring up to someone I haven't been dating that long and whom I'm not exclusive with yet without appearing super needy? When would it be appropriate to say "hey--it would be nice to hear more from you".

You sound needy as all hell. No wonder he resists initiating contact with you.

Why do I sound "needy as hell"? Because I admitted to enjoying back and forth banter with someone I'm having sex with?

Now you sound needy and defensive

[Anonymous]

So it sounds like on one hand you want things to be light and fun but on the other hand you want things feel closer.
I would say that you don't know yet whether this guy just doesnt need the same level of communication as you in general, or if he keeping you at a distance. Time will tell. You didn't say how long you've been dating...if it's been 1-3 months I would wait it out, and just go ahead send him a text when you want to communicate with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have sex every couple of weeks. You're his fuck buddy, nothing more.

Since I'm sure you will protest this, let me add that I was in your situation once. I genuinely enjoyed the man's company, we had fun together, we often had dinner before sex, but in the end it was just sex and just as needed.

I wont protest this. The funny thing is that he was adament that he wanted something more meaningful when we first started and insisted that he did not want game playing. So, my question is when can I bring up that the status quo isn't making me feel too fuzzy? Is now too soon? Do I wait for a few more dates? (dates that i know will likely happen).

Who is setting up the dates? Do you text him and ask? You may just see if you can increase the date frequency first. If you are seeing him more and becoming more of a regular fixture in his life, he will likely interact with you more just out the evolving nature of the relationship. My advice is to say nothing about "please text me so we can have random banter and you can make me feel fuzzy."

He always initiates the dates. Yesterday was the first time I reached out to him and he wasn't free and apologized but didn't offer an alternative. He hasn't texted today. I am assuming i just let it be until i hear from him again, correct?

Give it a couple days and see what he does. He knows you're interested.

I don't agree that you can't ever pursue a man like some of the other posters. If I hadn't pursued my now DH, he never would've even been my BF. We spent a year in an awkward half dating/half gay best friend scenario. He had a super bad temper and would get angry over trivial things, then feel too ashamed to text me the next day (turns out the girl he was with before gave him a severe mind-fuck and he was constantly rejected by her as some sort of sport). As soon as I would text him and just say something like "Hi, hope your day's going well" he would apologize. Over that awkward year he took care of the anger issues, got better at communication all around, and we eventually became a legitimate couple. To this day though, I still will text him first probably 25/30 days in the month. I asked him about it and he says he doesn't want to bother me or disrupt my day because he knows with my job I am constantly on the go and with people. His job is much less involved and he can text basically whenever he wants, so he just waits for me to have a break in my day. It used to annoy me, but I get it. It's just his way of trying to be courteous.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's just not into texting. I don't engage in "banter" all day on my phone. That sounds like a pain. It's sounds like its just not his preferred method of communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it sounds like on one hand you want things to be light and fun but on the other hand you want things feel closer.
I would say that you don't know yet whether this guy just doesnt need the same level of communication as you in general, or if he keeping you at a distance. Time will tell. You didn't say how long you've been dating...if it's been 1-3 months I would wait it out, and just go ahead send him a text when you want to communicate with him.

OP here. This is exactly it. I dont know if this is just his style of communication or if he wants to purposefully keep things distant and unconnected. Sometimes i feel like he can be very communicative over texts but only to "lock the deal" so to speak. He's the type of guy i adamantly avoided in my 20s.

We have been in communication since January--but only started seeing each other more regularly since June. We met online.

[Anonymous]

If you are technically still married, why are you dating? For crying out loud, is there one person in this town who doesn't have to be attached to someone 100% of the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are technically still married, why are you dating? For crying out loud, is there one person in this town who doesn't have to be attached to someone 100% of the time?

You?