When can I bring up the issue of texting/calling frequency?

[Anonymous]

I'm a newly divorced mom who has started seeing a great man-same situation. When he wants, he's a very able and funny texter and I appreciate the back and forth during the day. However, I think he prefers to do without it and only text to set something up-sometimes this can be weeks in between dates. I always break down and text and he does respond but I'm tired of initiating it. Is this something I can bring up to someone I haven't been dating that long and whom I'm not exclusive with yet without appearing super needy? When would it be appropriate to say "hey--it would be nice to hear more from you".

[Anonymous]

Please read 'The Rules.' I know it's cheesy - and patently not feminist - but I read it in my late teens and it taught me, basically, not to chase a man (information that served me well in my dating years). If a man is into you, he will do all he can to see you - and no woman should chase a man. I know it can be hard when you're really into someone, but back off and see if he comes to you. That's my advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please read 'The Rules.' I know it's cheesy - and patently not feminist - but I read it in my late teens and it taught me, basically, not to chase a man (information that served me well in my dating years). If a man is into you, he will do all he can to see you - and no woman should chase a man. I know it can be hard when you're really into someone, but back off and see if he comes to you. That's my advice.

+1

Its a bit outdated but I am sure you are bright enough to get the gist.

[Anonymous]

You can't be needy without seeming needy. And it seems extra odd to ask for him to text you when you're not even exclusive yet.

I agree with pp about reading "The Rules", and I'll also toss in John Gray's "Mars and Venus in a Relationship". I learned so much about men and how they think about dating from that book. I doubt I'd be married today if I hadn't read it. Don't chase him. Read about "the rubber band effect".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no woman should chase a man

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a newly divorced mom who has started seeing a great man-same situation. When he wants, he's a very able and funny texter and I appreciate the back and forth during the day. However, I think he prefers to do without it and only text to set something up-sometimes this can be weeks in between dates. I always break down and text and he does respond but I'm tired of initiating it. Is this something I can bring up to someone I haven't been dating that long and whom I'm not exclusive with yet without appearing super needy? When would it be appropriate to say "hey--it would be nice to hear more from you".

You sound needy as all hell. No wonder he resists initiating contact with you.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating? If you're not serious yet and the relationship hasn't yet deepened to the point that you're exclusive, I wouldn't say anything. Let things unfold and see how things evolve.

Why weeks between dates, btw? Is that do to your custody schedules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating? If you're not serious yet and the relationship hasn't yet deepened to the point that you're exclusive, I wouldn't say anything. Let things unfold and see how things evolve.

Why weeks between dates, btw? Is that do to your custody schedules?

^^ due

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a newly divorced mom who has started seeing a great man-same situation. When he wants, he's a very able and funny texter and I appreciate the back and forth during the day. However, I think he prefers to do without it and only text to set something up-sometimes this can be weeks in between dates. I always break down and text and he does respond but I'm tired of initiating it. Is this something I can bring up to someone I haven't been dating that long and whom I'm not exclusive with yet without appearing super needy? When would it be appropriate to say "hey--it would be nice to hear more from you".

You sound needy as all hell. No wonder he resists initiating contact with you.

Why do I sound "needy as hell"? Because I admitted to enjoying back and forth banter with someone I'm having sex with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating? If you're not serious yet and the relationship hasn't yet deepened to the point that you're exclusive, I wouldn't say anything. Let things unfold and see how things evolve.

Why weeks between dates, btw? Is that do to your custody schedules?

^^ due

Partly due to that; partly due to work trips; partly due to family emergencies that have come up. The frequency with which we see each other doesn't bother me. I do like the contact though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating? If you're not serious yet and the relationship hasn't yet deepened to the point that you're exclusive, I wouldn't say anything. Let things unfold and see how things evolve.

Why weeks between dates, btw? Is that do to your custody schedules?

^^ due

Partly due to that; partly due to work trips; partly due to family emergencies that have come up. The frequency with which we see each other doesn't bother me. I do like the contact though.

Apparently he doesn't. It's possible that he's just not that into you beyond getting together for sex every now and then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating? If you're not serious yet and the relationship hasn't yet deepened to the point that you're exclusive, I wouldn't say anything. Let things unfold and see how things evolve.

Why weeks between dates, btw? Is that do to your custody schedules?

^^ due

Partly due to that; partly due to work trips; partly due to family emergencies that have come up. The frequency with which we see each other doesn't bother me. I do like the contact though.

Apparently he doesn't. It's possible that he's just not that into you beyond getting together for sex every now and then.

Ok. So does "being into you" always means lots of texting?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps his work obligations preclude back-and-forth texting? It is not something I would expect.

[Anonymous]

Do people never pick up the phone anymore? When I was out there dating 15 years ago, obviously there was no texting but phone conversations were a way to deepen the connection between dates. Does that just not happen anymore, even when the relationship is moving forward?

I think some people just aren't into texting so it doesn't necessarily mean he's not into you, OP. How are your dates?
Do you get the sense that you're connecting wmotionally or does it seem to be more about fun, and sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people never pick up the phone anymore? When I was out there dating 15 years ago, obviously there was no texting but phone conversations were a way to deepen the connection between dates. Does that just not happen anymore, even when the relationship is moving forward?

I think some people just aren't into texting so it doesn't necessarily mean he's not into you, OP. How are your dates?
Do you get the sense that you're connecting wmotionally or does it seem to be more about fun, and sex?

The dates are fine-they are what I need them to be at the moment. Not more-not less. There is a lot of awkwardness to them but it has been acknowledged that it is due to chemistry. He does keep his distance but we are both working our way out of divorces so it is understandable. He is a very typical frat type guy from the army and seems to operate by dating rules I spent my 30s avoiding. So I wonder if there is any truth to that rubber band effect that one of the PPs brought up.