Upper hand in your relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a career nanny with a degree and a specialty in special needs children. It does change the tone of the conversation with some men. Those are not guys I'd like to be around any longer. Some are really quite rude about it and talk about getting a "real job." I used to own a business and made a lot of money then, but it was not at all fulfilling. I walked away because it was not the lifestyle I wanted. If a guy can't understand that, he isn't worth my time.

Why would you start a business that wasn't fulfilling? That's the whole point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old woman and I'm having a hard time finding a guy who will give me a real chance. I have been told that I'm very attractive, (I have a sexy demeanor) very thoughtful, and have been told by numerous guys that I would be a great mom. I'm a teacher, work hard, own my own house, and is great with kids. It seems the men around here are looking for "status" - a lawyer or dentist wife who comes from money. If I'm at a bar, or meet someone casually and I tell them I'm a teacher, I lose their attention. Is this just DC? I feel like they immediately put me in the "fuckable" category, but not someone they would date seriously. What are you guys looking for?

You are incredibly wrong and off base, which leads me to believe that you're not telling us the whole truth. I'm a guy and I, in no way, look down upon teachers. Nor do any of my friends. As usual with women who preface very early in their posts that "I've been told I'm very attractive (I have a sexy demeanor)" :/ :/ :/...there's a presumption that you "deserve" something that you're not getting. Like you're pursuing high status men who happen to look down upon teachers (I'm sure you'll find guys like this in exurban VA or western MD).

You sound insufferable. Why would men want to date you seriously? And where do you live, anyway, if you're a 30 y/o woman who owns her own home on a teacher's salary?

[Anonymous]

Er, maybe this is a case of OP projecting her own feelings about the teaching profession (insecurity?) when finding she's not attracting or connecting with potential partners??

I dunno. Native Washingtonian, acclimated to the "high power" DC thing, so I understand the level of self-promotion that can accompany the dating scene. What I don't get is how being a teacher would be looked down upon. Unless you're limiting conversation to classroom talk alone, I don't see why people wouldn't see what you have to offer.

Maybe work on your pitch? If you value yourself, there's no reason others wouldn't see that confidence/dedication/interest and run with it.

I'm an academic. I say I teach, when asked, before mentioning it's at a university. I don't find that my experience is dismissed. On the contrary, I think folks like the idea of teaching---lawyers, lobbyists, anyone. It's honorable work that folks seem to recognize. Nothing to apologize for, OP. You should never feel "less than."

Focus on confidence. The teaching piece isn't what's turning people off. Make sure you can have a conversation that's broad enough that people find it easy to connect. Lead with your interests, along with your teaching. If you're out at a party/bar/event, mention why you're there before delving into the typical DC chat about job titles.

I never ask what people do for a living. I always ask what keeps them busy these days. It makes room for more interesting conversation, like...training for a run or prepping for a trip. If you're more inclusive, people will respond with more than how they get a paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a career nanny with a degree and a specialty in special needs children. It does change the tone of the conversation with some men. Those are not guys I'd like to be around any longer. Some are really quite rude about it and talk about getting a "real job." I used to own a business and made a lot of money then, but it was not at all fulfilling. I walked away because it was not the lifestyle I wanted. If a guy can't understand that, he isn't worth my time.

Why would you start a business that wasn't fulfilling? That's the whole point.

I thought the success and money would be fulfilling. It was all so money-focused. I enjoy raises and spending money, but working with a goal of making money and only money was so empty. Now, I work and can help people and families in a real way. If someone else finds fulfillment in the corporate money shuffle, that's great. We need people in the world to do that too.

[Anonymous]

Stop hanging out in bars.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy and when I hear teacher, I think: this is likely a kind-hearted woman who would probably make a good wife and mother. I put teachers and nurses in the same bucket.

I would definitely date a teacher. That said, I prefer someone who is a bit more ambitious career-wise, but that likely stems from the fact that both my parents are physicians and my mom always encouraged my sisters to have their own careers so they wouldn't be financially dependent upon anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and when I hear teacher, I think: this is likely a kind-hearted woman who would probably make a good wife and mother. I put teachers and nurses in the same bucket.

I would definitely date a teacher. That said, I prefer someone who is a bit more ambitious career-wise, but that likely stems from the fact that both my parents are physicians and my mom always encouraged my sisters to have their own careers so they wouldn't be financially dependent upon anyone.

Male teacher here. Teaching is an incredibly demanding profession, and a good teacher who works for a decade might have a positive impact on a thousand children.

Many veteran teachers make 100K or close to it.

What does ambition actually mean to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and when I hear teacher, I think: this is likely a kind-hearted woman who would probably make a good wife and mother. I put teachers and nurses in the same bucket.

I would definitely date a teacher. That said, I prefer someone who is a bit more ambitious career-wise, but that likely stems from the fact that both my parents are physicians and my mom always encouraged my sisters to have their own careers so they wouldn't be financially dependent upon anyone.

But teaching us a career, and teschers earn enough to support themselves; it sounds like OP is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and when I hear teacher, I think: this is likely a kind-hearted woman who would probably make a good wife and mother. I put teachers and nurses in the same bucket.

I would definitely date a teacher. That said, I prefer someone who is a bit more ambitious career-wise, but that likely stems from the fact that both my parents are physicians and my mom always encouraged my sisters to have their own careers so they wouldn't be financially dependent upon anyone.

Male teacher here. Teaching is an incredibly demanding profession, and a good teacher who works for a decade might have a positive impact on a thousand children.

Many veteran teachers make 100K or close to it.

What does ambition actually mean to you?

I agree, drive to make money is a narrow definition of ambition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and when I hear teacher, I think: this is likely a kind-hearted woman who would probably make a good wife and mother. I put teachers and nurses in the same bucket.

I would definitely date a teacher. That said, I prefer someone who is a bit more ambitious career-wise, but that likely stems from the fact that both my parents are physicians and my mom always encouraged my sisters to have their own careers so they wouldn't be financially dependent upon anyone.

Male teacher here. Teaching is an incredibly demanding profession, and a good teacher who works for a decade might have a positive impact on a thousand children.

Many veteran teachers make 100K or close to it.

What does ambition actually mean to you?

Not to mention most teachers have advanced degrees and many will go on to have jobs in administration later in life. Geesh. (Not a teacher, just an admirer of their work).

[Anonymous]

It's very odd to hear a woman talking about wanting a guy to 'give her a real chance'. It seems you are looking at dating in a bit of a skewed way. Something is going on here, but I doubt it's your career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy and when I hear teacher, I think: this is likely a kind-hearted woman who would probably make a good wife and mother. I put teachers and nurses in the same bucket.

I would definitely date a teacher. That said, I prefer someone who is a bit more ambitious career-wise, but that likely stems from the fact that both my parents are physicians and my mom always encouraged my sisters to have their own careers so they wouldn't be financially dependent upon anyone.

Wow you sound like a jackass .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a career nanny with a degree and a specialty in special needs children. It does change the tone of the conversation with some men. Those are not guys I'd like to be around any longer. Some are really quite rude about it and talk about getting a "real job." I used to own a business and made a lot of money then, but it was not at all fulfilling. I walked away because it was not the lifestyle I wanted. If a guy can't understand that, he isn't worth my time.

Wow. I have a cool sounding career but men rarely ask me for specifics or care beyond knowing that I work and am self-sufficient. Most guys I know would be happy with a teacher since it translates to being a good mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a career nanny with a degree and a specialty in special needs children. It does change the tone of the conversation with some men. Those are not guys I'd like to be around any longer. Some are really quite rude about it and talk about getting a "real job." I used to own a business and made a lot of money then, but it was not at all fulfilling. I walked away because it was not the lifestyle I wanted. If a guy can't understand that, he isn't worth my time.

Wow. I have a cool sounding career but men rarely ask me for specifics or care beyond knowing that I work and am self-sufficient. Most guys I know would be happy with a teacher since it translates to being a good mom.

PP here. I should add that I prefer not talking about work. When folks ask what I do, I say that I'm a gov't employee. If asked, I mention that I work for State Dept. I'm a Foreign Service Officer and it rarely comes out initially because I prefer NOT to talk about work with potential dates. I've dated likeminded attorneys/physicians/etc unknowingly because I didn't lead with my career and vice versa. Its not something that defines me. I honestly can't think of a time in a bar (or anywhere) and had a guy ask me about work. It usually comes out later. OP, you should change either your social circle or the venues where you hang.

The irony of this thread is my girlfriends who are attorneys often felt like their colleagues always married teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old woman and I'm having a hard time finding a guy who will give me a real chance. I have been told that I'm very attractive, (I have a sexy demeanor) very thoughtful, and have been told by numerous guys that I would be a great mom. I'm a teacher, work hard, own my own house, and is great with kids. It seems the men around here are looking for "status" - a lawyer or dentist wife who comes from money. If I'm at a bar, or meet someone casually and I tell them I'm a teacher, I lose their attention. Is this just DC? I feel like they immediately put me in the "fuckable" category, but not someone they would date seriously. What are you guys looking for?

When they hear you are a teacher they are assuming as soon as you get married you will want to quit and have babies and they will be stuck supporting the entire family on whatever their single income is.