Regretting taking the mommy track

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems really easy. Work your way back into big law. Sure, it will take a while but you have the drive. Have him find part time / contract work and be a SAHD. Everyone will be much happier.

Thanks. Yes, I think he would be happier because he would rather sit around while the kids are at school playing the guitar. I would be happier with the control over our financial future. However, the house would be a wreck and I would miss the kids and worry about their fulfillment. So, I would be miserable in some ways. Would be a trade off

You need to not worry about the current job as much - gracefully work your way out and into a higher earning job. Once you get it, start outsourcing - cleaning, laundry, yard, etc. Take those burdens off your plate (as you know your husband will not.) When you are home - be home and present with the kids - work more after they go to bed.

There's a great Tina Fey quote that applies here:

"Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way....."

You can work around him and get to what you want - more financial security. He's not going to change - the only thing you can change is you and what you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs. OP here. Yes, I do think I need to make more money. I have doubled my salary at my job but am only at 75%. Going up to 100% would probably be a good start (slightly more complicated than just making that election because we raise $ to pay me). I am hesitant to do that if what I really need to do is think about leaving for a better paying thing entirely. Then I would worry about the kids and would have to hire a lot more help so it would cut into the additional income. Obviously you can tell I am feeling trapped. Thanks for the support. I will keep weighing my options, I guess.

Who the fuck hires 'help' for raising their kids? You guys are adults. You do not need 'help' from other people to raise your kids. Fucking pathetic training-wheels parents in this town, I swear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs. OP here. Yes, I do think I need to make more money. I have doubled my salary at my job but am only at 75%. Going up to 100% would probably be a good start (slightly more complicated than just making that election because we raise $ to pay me). I am hesitant to do that if what I really need to do is think about leaving for a better paying thing entirely. Then I would worry about the kids and would have to hire a lot more help so it would cut into the additional income. Obviously you can tell I am feeling trapped. Thanks for the support. I will keep weighing my options, I guess.

Who the fuck hires 'help' for raising their kids? You guys are adults. You do not need 'help' from other people to raise your kids. Fucking pathetic training-wheels parents in this town, I swear.

And you need a lesson in reading comprehension (and basic manners). She said she would worry about the kids AND she would need a lot more help - not necessarily with the kids - but with all the other crap that needs doing that is difficult to get done when both parents are operating at 50+ hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PPs. OP here. Yes, I do think I need to make more money. I have doubled my salary at my job but am only at 75%. Going up to 100% would probably be a good start (slightly more complicated than just making that election because we raise $ to pay me). I am hesitant to do that if what I really need to do is think about leaving for a better paying thing entirely. Then I would worry about the kids and would have to hire a lot more help so it would cut into the additional income. Obviously you can tell I am feeling trapped. Thanks for the support. I will keep weighing my options, I guess.

Who the fuck hires 'help' for raising their kids? You guys are adults. You do not need 'help' from other people to raise your kids. Fucking pathetic training-wheels parents in this town, I swear.

Hi there. This is OP. Actually, lots of people hire childcare help. It's called daycare, babysitting, nannies, aftercare, enrichment classes, tutors, camp, and so on. It's a multi-billion dollar industry in this country. So is housekeeping, lawn care, handyman, painting and all the other help related to homes that people hire. If you are at work, someone else usually watches your children when they are not at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems really easy. Work your way back into big law. Sure, it will take a while but you have the drive. Have him find part time / contract work and be a SAHD. Everyone will be much happier.

Thanks. Yes, I think he would be happier because he would rather sit around while the kids are at school playing the guitar. I would be happier with the control over our financial future. However, the house would be a wreck and I would miss the kids and worry about their fulfillment. So, I would be miserable in some ways. Would be a trade off

You need to not worry about the current job as much - gracefully work your way out and into a higher earning job. Once you get it, start outsourcing - cleaning, laundry, yard, etc. Take those burdens off your plate (as you know your husband will not.) When you are home - be home and present with the kids - work more after they go to bed.

There's a great Tina Fey quote that applies here:

"Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way....."

You can work around him and get to what you want - more financial security. He's not going to change - the only thing you can change is you and what you do.

Thanks, PP. You are probably right. OP again. I basically blew up at DH Friday after months of his new plan involving not really working a regular job and instead trying to work out investment deals that seem to keep getting delayed (the most promising one has been dragging on for a month without closing). Apparently after looking for a job for 2 days he has two interviews for prestigious positions. So, once again, he is qualified and capable, but I have to plan on his quitting soon enough assuming he gets a job. Anyway, hopefully he will land a job and we can get the cash position in a little better spot to alleviate immediate stress and then I can lay plans for a move of my own, remembering how these things always end up....Thanks again for the advice and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems really easy. Work your way back into big law. Sure, it will take a while but you have the drive. Have him find part time / contract work and be a SAHD. Everyone will be much happier.

Thanks. Yes, I think he would be happier because he would rather sit around while the kids are at school playing the guitar. I would be happier with the control over our financial future. However, the house would be a wreck and I would miss the kids and worry about their fulfillment. So, I would be miserable in some ways. Would be a trade off

You need to not worry about the current job as much - gracefully work your way out and into a higher earning job. Once you get it, start outsourcing - cleaning, laundry, yard, etc. Take those burdens off your plate (as you know your husband will not.) When you are home - be home and present with the kids - work more after they go to bed.

There's a great Tina Fey quote that applies here:

"Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way....."

You can work around him and get to what you want - more financial security. He's not going to change - the only thing you can change is you and what you do.

This is a great post and quote PP. thank you for sharing it.

[Anonymous]

How old are you and your dh OP?

[Anonymous]

You need to switch roles. Hire a nanny part-time for a short time to help your DH get up to speed and start interviewing to get back into Big Law. You have the drive to be the main bread winner and your family will appreciate the financial stability down the road. You have many years to go in the workforce so sit your family down for a meeting and let them know that you need to job hunt. Your current workplace will understand if you tell them well in advance of your departure. You sound like someone I'd hire in a heartbeat (although I'm not in law).

[Anonymous]

Meh. If you didn't take the mommy track, you'd regret that too.

[Anonymous]

You are nto alone - My DH ignored his job (sales) and lost half of his income for many years chasing various "big one"s that never materialized.

[Anonymous]

I'm late 30s and he's early 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems really easy. Work your way back into big law. Sure, it will take a while but you have the drive. Have him find part time / contract work and be a SAHD. Everyone will be much happier.

Thanks. Yes, I think he would be happier because he would rather sit around while the kids are at school playing the guitar. I would be happier with the control over our financial future. However, the house would be a wreck and I would miss the kids and worry about their fulfillment. So, I would be miserable in some ways. Would be a trade off

I agree. Try to get off the mommy track and back in line to make more money. It may take awhile.
Let hubby take more responsibilities at home. If he is not dependable as a dad, it's time to divorce.

Kids are very flexible and you can make it alone with them if necessary.

Giving up a high paying job is never a good idea unless you are truly miserable.

It will be hard but you and the kids will be fine. Everyone makes mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are nto alone - My DH ignored his job (sales) and lost half of his income for many years chasing various "big one"s that never materialized.

The gambling thing is exhausting. It's easy to get sucked in to the first few and then it's just makes you feel like you're head is going to explode. This is Op.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds really immature. He has a family to think about. He's not 20 with no responsibilities where flitting from whim to whim is okay. He needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

No op sounds entitled. Want more? Earn it, honey.